Would you expect this?

[LittleMe03]

Have just read these and cannot say I agree... so AIBU? What would you expect?

IMO...

My DSS age 12 CAN use the washing machine as we have shown him how. However, we do not expect him to do this often.
Do not yet ask him to iron clothes. Do not think he should.
He helps with meals but would not expect him to plan and prepare one alone.
The next one on the list.... yes he can read and know what products etc are safe/unsafe and what they are used for.
Basic hand tools?? Like what?
Never ask him to mow the lawn although he helps in the garden and does know how.
And yes he stays alone occasionally but not for long.

I think the majority of this is absolutely ridiculous thou...

SmilingButClueless you learn first aid doing D of E at that age, it's an essential requirement for it.

Yep, this is why there's a generation growing up with anxiety and entitlement. Parents thinking they're too helpless to do basic, age-appropriate tasks.

Nothing on either list is unreasonable. At 10 I changed my own bed and cooked a family meal once a week. Ironing and washing clothes were jobs on the rotating family chores roster. I didn't mow the lawn (we had a large and difficult law to mow), but I think I was able to do it by 15. We had woodwork classes at school from age 10 but I already knew how to use basic tools like hammer, nails, handsaw, gardening tools etc.

My five-year-old is learning to do some of the items on the first list (use washer and dryer, plan and prepare simple meals, change bed, use basic tools under supervision). By 10 I'd expect my kids to be able to do everything on both lists if requested to except for babysitting.

I can't see anything on either list that kids in the indicated age ranges should not be able to do. I have a 12 and a 16 year old and both regularly do the things listed here. The only thong that I would not expect everyone to do would be the First Aid/CPR unless they were members of groups that taught it. My own 2 learned basic first aid and CPR via Scouts and Junior lifesavers at swimming.
To the posters who say they know adults that would not be capable of all of these tasks I really hope you are joking as there is nothing out of the ordinary on the lists.

Parents thinking they're too helpless to do basic, age-appropriate tasks

Nah I just think there’s plenty of time for day to day drudgery when she’s older!

Wellthisunexpected not everyone does D of E.

I actually learnt first aid / CPR at Brownies, so under 11. Couldn’t remember how to do it now, and would never have been an appropriate person to be a first aider anyway.

I just don’t think it should be expected if a child is really against it or not ready. If they want to then great.

Well I'm nearly 40 and can't tick all the boxes!!!!

I think these are ok. My ds can use the mower under heavy supervision. He's 11. He's not keen on the strimmer though. Neither am I to be fair

As someone who lost their mum young I could definitely do all of these things at age 11 and did on a regular basis - kids often rise to meet the expectations that are set...

I really don't understand the mentality of parents who "want their children to be children". When they really mean "I want my children to act like they are 5 years old until they are 18 at which point they will suddenly morph into fully functioning adults"

It's up to you folk. But if my DCs could not do any of the above list at the age of 12, I'd be worrying!

*When they really mean "I want my children to act like they are 5 years old until they are 18 at which point they will suddenly morph into fully functioning adults”

Not at all. I think children have enough on their plate with school etc that I want Home to be downtime. I will do as my parents did, teach the skills but not require them to be deployed on a regular basis.

For the 13-15 one, although I appreciate that I deviate from the norm, I lived independently at 15...had a flat and paid rent, worked cash in hand jobs etc.... Just to put that list of tasks into perspective 😉

I had them cooking family meals from the age of 10 or so. I'd ask them what they wanted to cook, provide the ingredients, disappear (they would then irritatingly appear and ask countless questions) and hey presto! They cooked a meal. It's not rocket science.

I’ve just looked at the 13-15 age group,list, and my dcs can do all of that, except the cleaning the oven option. They probably could if asked, but don’t (although nor do I that often!)

A fair few American friends have this sort of philosophy. They also have 7, 6, 4 or 3 kids. The more kids they have, the more their kids seem to have to do.
I kinda think my Dd isn’t my house keeper cum Gardner

I believe we are a family so we all pitch in to keep the household running.
It takes less than 5 mins to make beans on toast, hardly much longer to assemble some bog standard IKEA furniture. They certainly can still kick a ball around inbetween. Better than sat on their bum watching TV.

I just find this hilarious tbh when I have just recently read a post about a mother wanting her 13 yo to keep her room clean and tidy and many posters told her she WBU as teenagers are messy...

Yet in my post a 12 yo should be cooking, washing, cleaning, mowing the lawn

Fair enough, each to their own... but our 12 year old will continue to act like a child.

By act like a child do you mean act like a 5YO? When he's 12?

Why shouldn't he cook a meal or mow the lawn? Sweep leaves? Change beds?

Actually now Im starting to worry about gender issues here. Is your DS being brought up to believe that women do these things?

Not sure about tipping or cleaning the oven, and she needs quite a lot of handholding when cooking, and we don't have a lawnmower any more as we have rabbits instead, but the rest, she's getting there.

DD had a lesson this week on working the washing machine after she dropped slime down her clothes, took off the clothes, washed them in the basin with soap, dripped it wringing down the stairs and put it, sopping wet in the dryer on the hottest day of the year... a learning opportunity on the use of a washing machine, a mop, and a discussion on energy efficiency....

I don't think anyone wants their kids to be drudges, but do you want them to be passengers?

I don't think anyone wants their kids to be drudges, but do you want them to be passengers?

She’ll spend enough of her life having to do chores, I’m not interested in her having to start yet other than the basic plate in dishwasher, laundry in basket.

Very American list!

I'm a little surprised at the extent of those lists, but, hey, what do I know?

I am surprised that pp don't think CPR/first aid is reasonable for a 13-15 year old. If they're being left on their own/ babysitting others, they need to be able to provide immediate first aid. And I know kids this age can do it competently!

dd (11) chose and helped to her assemble her bedroom furniture, and learnt how to use a paint roller and how to wallpaper under her grandmother's supervision, and has now learnt to iron and hang up her clothes. (obvs they are still currently in a heap) Yesterday she cleaned the car (her choice) and we cleaned all the doors and windows using a hose and brush. It was fun, and we did it together. A much better day than me doing the chores while she watches endless cbbc. Her room is still a tip, but she has the skills to do something about it. Doing adult tasks builds kids confidence and means that their parents have more time for them if the jobs get done quicker.

Should have done this as a reverse...

Said that I expected all of this from my 12 year old DSS

Majority on MN would possibly then tell me I am ridiculous and expecting too much.

As I said thou previously, each to their own. Will not change anything for us thou, will continue as we are.

I didn't do or know any of these things at 12, very privileged that my DM didn't expect me to. I am not saying that's right or wrong, but many years later I am more than capable of doing all of these things, but enjoyed my childhood x

Not the mowing or ironing on first list and definately not checking medication!! Not the tipping on the second list-I have trouble doing that myself sometimes! Where would someone that age be tipping anyhow?!

Just seems wierd to think that a 12 year old should still be a child though?
You aren't bringing up children, you are bringing up adults
If you dont start to learn stuff at 12 or 13, or 15, then when?

This is just bedding in basic life skills and an awareness that there is not a housework fairy, while fostering a bit of confidence and independence, its not exactly draconian, end-of-your-childhood, get down the pit slavery is it?

Id certainly expect my children to be able to do both those lists at those ages, not every day, but have the capability to do the tasks and the awareness that they need done, and the confidence in their own abilities to plan an approach to a new task or problem.