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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

he just announced he doesn't want anymore children?

104 replies

FiveForTen · 24/06/2018 17:10

Not really AIBU because I think my response is a pretty normal one. I'm due baby number 1 in November. We always talked about having two children, it was always the general consensus, so we could raise them together and they'd not be lonely or longing for another to play with evenings and weekends. DP has a daughter who is with us 6 nights a month (3 nights every other week) and one evening every other week after school.

He's just announced randomly that 1 more is enough and he doesn't want anymore after this one... I'm in shock! It's the first time he's ever said this, and to tell me before this baby is even born came as a massive surprise. I feel sad, that this will be my only pregnancy ever, it's made me feel really low and I feel a bit trapped.

How can I cope with this internally? I feel like it's ruining my pregnancy and my feelings towards DP.

OP posts:
dancinfeet · 25/06/2018 01:33

I was in this situation, Ex H said that he didn't want any more after we had our first daughter. When I fell pregnant with second (contraception fail) he blamed me and said that he felt trapped and that he never wanted any children. It was then I knew our marriage was over. I waited until my second DD was 16 months old, and until I felt strong enough to manage a young child, a toddler and a business and then I left him.

ferrier · 25/06/2018 07:30

As others have said, it's not so much that he's changed his mind, it's that he drops it on you at a hugely vulnerable time and he thinks he gets to unilaterally decide. Both of which are not good signs at all.

So I agree with Fizzy - he's opened the can of worms and you're not going to be able to deal with it until you've got some sort of closure on it. That will involve a discussion. If he has got an ounce of respect and compassion he will willingly have that discussion.

busybarbara · 26/06/2018 12:41

Is the plan for the baby to have his surname? If so, change that plan.

And don't list him on the birth certificate either if he don't really want to be a father

onceisawabee · 26/06/2018 16:29

^ how spiteful.

OP said he doesn't want more children, not that he doesn't want to be a father to the current one.

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