To despair at how helpless some people are

[ThankYouVeryMuch]

You see it on here all the time, poster says they’re in a difficult situation and lots of people respond with sensible advice and details of organisations they can call for help and there’s always a reason why they can’t ask for help.

I saw a job at a local hair salon advertised on Facebook, 1 person posted “interested” underneath so the salon owner responds with their contact details (that were in the ad) and asks for a cv and the person responds “I don’t have a cv, nevermind” or someone else put on my local Facebook group saying she was new to the area and asking if there were any new mums in the local area, so I responded that there was a lovely, free mum and baby group in her village the next day and I knew the organiser so if she wanted to go along I’d make sure she got a warm welcome, and the response was “I can’t go to a baby group, what if none of the other mums speak to me”

Some people just seem as if the world owes them something and they should get what they want without putting in any effort.

For interest Sparklesocks, did you give feedback around that to the candidate?

I know people who are very involved in the lives of their adult children. Far more than I am or would want to be. Hence the children don't do diy, car maintenance, decorating, gardening etc. It's all done for them

But sometimes it's the other way round. Useless parent and adult child does everything for them. I don't think it's about parents doing everything for their kids, I just think some people are a bit needy. Others like to be needed.

I wonder if the introduction of the internet has ruined people's social skills?

Teacher friend of mine, now retired, said she noticed a decline in her secondary age pupils' communication skills in the classroom after the internet/mobile phones became common.

You see it here in MN, in thread after thread. 'So I texted her - she texted me - why don't you text her and say this - ' No-one seems to communicate face to face any more, or even by telephone. It's all text, WhatsApp, Facebook.

I wonder if the introduction of the internet has ruined people's social skills?

I was going to post something similar!

When I was young there was no internet so you had to use the phone, go and speak to people face to face you've never met etc from early on. It was daunting at the time but you built up the skills as you went along and overcame your nervousness.

Also it appears there seems to be less kids working Saturday jobs than there used to be. I found that helpful in making me more confident.

Whitney168 - We don't normally do individual feedback at application stage (as we can get 150-200 apps per listing) and he wasn't one of the stronger candidates by the time we had screened fully, but as we felt for him my colleague sent him a kind little note to very let him know in case he was using it for other applications!

as we felt for him my colleague sent him a kind little note to very let him know in case he was using it for other applications!

Am glad to hear that. May not have helped, he may have gone on to be utterly useless LOL, but at least that gave him the chance to improve.

Yes true Saturday jobs did help kids learn skills and build up confidence.

I think the key message is that even very severe anxiety can improve and people can do things they could not previously do. It takes time, support and a willingness to face very uncomfortable feelings. But it is possible.

It is hard. It’s hard applying for jobs, it’s hard writing a cv, it’s hard sometimes getting out of bed on a morning. It’s easy to assume the people you see doing stuff find it easy but I bet a lot of us don’t. I really struggle socially for many reasons but if you saw me chatting or organising a night out or followed me on social media you wouldn’t know. I’d really like more people to talk to me

Past generations used to see life as hard, with moments of happiness. I think generally that is a more realistic way to look at life. Life often is hard.

@ThePencil very true. I think young people are very moddycoddled (so?) compared to past generations.

I am 28 and many of my peers have very few life skills. I don't mean that as a nasty comment, they just were never taufh.

From the moment my DC's were able to get a job, they did. I did not allow them to sit at home doing nothing.
It's so important for their social skills, confidence and self esteem. They made lasting friends and managed their own earnings.
They are now happy confident and well adjusted adults.

I agree. As others have suggested I often think that ‘helpless’ can be interchangeable with ‘lazy’ in many of these examples. Either way though, I don’t have time for these people. They don’t deserve the job/friends/boyfriend/happiness (delete as appropriate) if they are willing to put in zero effort.

Yes! Or when people post on social media 'any jobs going?'......errrr have a look on Indeed, plenty on there pal. It's just idleness.

I have come to understand that people don't usually want solutions from others. They just want to be listened to. Its the process of setting out the problem that interests them, and any solutions must cine from within.

I suffer from social anxiety. I know there are a few groups round me but find it difficult to bring myself to go. I went last week to one but felt to awkward to introduce myself to anyone, so just watched my toddler play...

The work example is pathetic though. When it comes to work, I put my 'job hat' on, the uniform (or interview outfit) become a sort of shield to cope with the situation (people I work with seem to think I'm fairly confident 😂)

I stood outside a group for two weeks in a trot to anxious to go inside. By the third week I thought this was ridiculous and forced myself. Most people understand that none of this is easy. But we do have to force ourselves to do stuff that makes us anxious.

I used to be very confident and nothing bothered me but a few years ago I had a bit of a mental breakdown and now I have very little confidence. On a good day I can get a bus to town but on a bad day I have to have someone with me. If I have to go somewhere I've never been before I get really nervous and I shake and yes it's very noticable. I don't really leave the house much these days and if I go out with anyone for a meal then if it's not waitress service then who ever is with me gets the drinks and food as they know I shake really badly. They would end up with half a cup of tea. We do laugh about It because if not it would be sad. Funny thing is that once I've got to where I'm going I'm fine and can hold my own. It's just the bit between leaving the house and reaching the destination and meeting new people.

There was a thread here recently where someone turned up at a rental vottage to find there were no towels. Posters suggested Amazon, Argos, use a T shirt or pillowcase, hairdrier till shops open the next morning, lots of suggestions but all the OP seemed to want was to despair, rage and complain to the owner.

I used to work in an FE College that had two campuses, two miles apart - regular bus service running on the main road between them and a reasonable amount of car parking at each - and on enrollment days, we'd have a succession of prospective students (of all ages, not just teenagers) who appeared, enquired about courses in Bricklaying, Child Care, Hairdressing, Performing Arts, Engineering etc etc - and on learning that the subject that they were interested in was taught on the other campus, ALL said the same thing - 'I'm not travelling..!'
I worked there for over 20 years, and it was a constant theme - I could never work it out, did they all expect to find a job within walking distance of their homes..? (And as I commuted over 20 miles to work, I wasn't inclined to be sympathetic..!)

Ok, I’m hoping to give the other side of the story. Short story is I am a 30 odd year old woman whose parents were very much like those you describe. I never learned to wash, iron, cook or clean or speak to people in authority before I left home, and I wasn’t expected to do anything there. Adulthood hit me like a ton of bricks and I have since found it completely robbed me of any self belief that I could be independent. Now, three children I’ve managed to keep alive, as well as their pets, and my own successful career later, I still have crippling moments of insecurity in my own ability to do something ‘new’. As a result, I have taken major steps to ensure my kids can do every domestic task known to man, I don’t speak on their behalf (so if they want something, they have to speak up and ask, whether that’s me or other people) and I work every day to make sure they hit adulthood with the belief that they can handle stuff.

@JamieVardysHavingAParty exactly! I’m not exactly sure what answers the mum who was wanting to meet other mums was expecting? Surely the most common way to meet other new mums is at a baby group, in fact I’m not sure I can think of any other ways!

My mother is like this, she can’t do anything for herself ( actually she is more than capable but is lazy) she was going to leave my father at new year, I asked her a few simple questions about her life such as ‘how will you get you medication?”
How will you get your groceries?
How will you get ward to school, clubs, etc? Mother can’t drive,
She started with well, you can do my shopping online and get it delivered, *one of my children will have to fetch medications from pharmacy
I told her that no, that won’t be happening she will have to look after herself- she’s 62 not 92! More than capable of doing things she’s just bone idle and likes to be waited on hand foot and finger- my poor father deserves several medals!
Oddly enough they stayed together

I know what you mean but i look back at my own 18-year-old self - this was a VERY long time ago - when i was a bundle of indecisiveness and so plagued by OCD and body dysmorphia that i couldn’t stand being in the same room as myself, let alone anyone else, i just assume that these people have some psychological affliction that they will, hopefully, grow out of.

Much of this inability to launch is due to parents not talking to their children when they are small. My Dad didn't teach me much but how to make a decision. Most decisions don't matter. Just make one and don't dither. I have bad anxiety and at times couldn't. OK he would say-make it alphabetically, blue over green, no over yes, go over stay. The second big help I stumbled on was to write down the night before my one goal for the next day-a 15 minute goal. Clean one drawer. Call one business to solve a problem. Look up how to make a CV. Just one goal and just 15 minutes. If it a really big goal, then I think about a reward when it is done. A new skein of yarn. A take out meal. Nothing big but something I don't get often and really like.

People can also have learning difficulties (not able to write a cv) or anxiety issues (not able to go to a baby group).