To despair at how helpless some people are

[ThankYouVeryMuch]

You see it on here all the time, poster says they’re in a difficult situation and lots of people respond with sensible advice and details of organisations they can call for help and there’s always a reason why they can’t ask for help.

I saw a job at a local hair salon advertised on Facebook, 1 person posted “interested” underneath so the salon owner responds with their contact details (that were in the ad) and asks for a cv and the person responds “I don’t have a cv, nevermind” or someone else put on my local Facebook group saying she was new to the area and asking if there were any new mums in the local area, so I responded that there was a lovely, free mum and baby group in her village the next day and I knew the organiser so if she wanted to go along I’d make sure she got a warm welcome, and the response was “I can’t go to a baby group, what if none of the other mums speak to me”

Some people just seem as if the world owes them something and they should get what they want without putting in any effort.

[Poloshot]

Couldn't agree more OP

[rosesandflowers1]

I took my DD to apply for her summer job. But I just went in with her and then waited outside (she can't go on public transport by herself) and she did the interview alone.

I think by a certain age they need to start doing some things by themselves.

[GunpowderGelatine]

YANBU, i do wonder how some people actually function throughout the day.

it always seem gendered too - men can't wash up, women can't inflate their car tyres etc. There was a thread not long ago about gendered 'tasks' and about 95% of the posts were "I do all the cooking and cleaning and DH cuts the grass and does DIY, but it's got NOTHING to do with the fact I'm a woman and he's a man". Alright love you keep telling yourself that.

[Pippylou]

I have these conversations a lot, as I tend to signpost people to help.

I was surprised yesterday when a thread about what a 26 yo should do workwise on here had very gentle answers when it was clear he'd been sat on his arse for years.

[ChristmasTablecloth]

I think on the whole yabu. Most adults who are helpless, I'm guessing, are so because of their upbringing.

[adaline]

My anxiety used to be so bad I couldn't ring up and speak to a stranger on the phone. I couldn't ring the GP or the dentist without feeling sick beforehand, or ringing and hanging up numerous times due to nerves.

A combination of an introvert personality, being bullied throughout my time at school and eventually being diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder in my twenties, meant that I never had the guts to do a lot of supposedly simple things.

I now have a job that involves speaking to strangers on a daily basis and answering the phone! It doesn't phase me, but it did a few years ago. A combination of therapy, medication and a lot of support from my parents enabled me to get where I am today, but lots of people don't have access to those things.

What's easy for you isn't necessarily easy for someone else.

[Gingertam]

I think some young adults are really spoon fed now. I read a post today about a woman looking for a graduate job for her son. Any graduate who is any good would be securing their own graduate scheme! I see loads of posts on Mumsnet with people sorting out their children's university applications. There's a difference between showing an interest and spoon feeding your children. No wonder some fall apart when they leave home.

[Chwaraeteg]

I think it's nerves / anxiety related tbh, not really uselessness. I do this a lot. If I'm nervous about something, it's like my brain tries to trick me into thinking I can't do something with all these 'logical' reasons. Really its just an avoidance tactic - in avoiding situations I'm which I'm uncomfortable.

Obviously I'm aware of this now and try to work around it as much as possible. Instead of coming up with a huge list of reasons I can't do something, as is my natural instinct, I have to consciously force myself to not listen to that voice and instead think 'what do I need to do so I CAN do x'.

Some people will never gain this self awareness. Possibly I only have because I was lucky to have access to excellent counselling through the students union

[ThePeasantsAreAtTheGates]

I put an advertisement on our local 'items for sale' Facebook page for a hedge trimmer. A bloke contacted me asking if it was still for sale. I replied yes it was and was he interested. He responded "I'd really like it but I live in Wolverhampton" (about 30 miles away). What was I supposed to say to that?

[Ploppymoodypants]

The comments about the gender stufff are interesting. DH and I are both happy to get stuck into whatever, but noticed our skills sets are gendered (because of what we have been taught). So now instead of asking each other to do stuff to help each other, we made a pact to ask each other to show us how to do it. So the other week DH asked me to show/teach him how to sew something and today I asked him to show me how to use the air compressor in our garage to pump the tyres on a truck. Previously I would have just done the sewing and asked him to pump my tyres. It’s takes a bit longer but we keep telling ourselves it’s an investment of time going forward.

[longwayoff]

We had one job applicant, young woman,18, accompanied by mum. When asked to wait outside the interview room she bridled but grudgingly accepted. Which surprised me. I would have died of shame if one of my parents had suggested coming to a job interview with me. Which they absolutely would never have contemplated. Blimey.

[AnalUnicorn]

ThePeasants - your response was presumably “fantastic- so when will you be collecting it ?”

[adaline]

A lot of answers on here (not just this thread, on MN in general) are exceptionally intolerant of people who struggle with normal day-to-day activities or tasks.

It's like others can't imagine that some people struggle with normal things. Just because you manage to answer the phone, drive a car, speak to strangers or whatever, doesn't mean everyone else can do the same things.

[CaptainCallisto]

I do wonder if the fact that so many young people are still living at home into their twenties is having an effect. Fifteen/twenty years ago the vast majority of people would have gone to uni and then found a flat or house share; or started paying rent on a flat when they started working full time if they chose not to head to uni. These days so many graduates end up moving back home after their degree because they can't afford rent even with a job, or want to save for a deposit without losing all their money on private renting.

It must be very difficult to live as an independent adult if you're still living in the family home with your parents. I know that my mum and I really struggled to find a balance when I had to move back for a few months between tenancies!

[MyNameIsNotSteven]

My DD is 8 and prefers to keep me at arm's length at school. I like to think she'll be an independent type.

My Dsis is a bit like this but getting better. She did a trial run for an important event, but instead of getting the bus back home, she waited on the same side of the road and ended up going a couple of stops on the wrong direction - had no idea that she needed to cross over to the bus stop opposite

[eurgh]

Can I just say it's not always down to be coddled or lazy - I'm a 33 year old mum of two both of whom have SN. I didn't even realise depression was creeping up on me until one day I realised I hadn't left the house alone for 8 weeks. With other people, fine. On my own, no. I realised I had been asking people who were coming over to grab things on the way over so I didn't have to go out and I didn't realise I was doing it. Went to docs and got some fairly hefty antidepressants so in that way, I did help myself but I'm yet to feel brave enough to go out alone and I couldn't even tell you why. I've never been entitled, coddled or lazy but right now, leaving the house to go and buy milk is near impossible.

[Rednaxela]

In response to the OP. It is usually a form of entertainment and attention seeking. People whose lives consist of manufactured drama non stop. If I'm feeling kind I can see how it's a sign of massive insecurity and low self esteem. Usually it's just bloody annoying though..

[ElMarineroBaila]

Argh my sister is like this. It's like she wants to complain about having problems so much that she doesn't actually want to fix them because then she'll have nothing to complain about. Drives me fucking insane. My motto is that you make your own happiness. If you want things to change then do the things required to make change happen!

[ThankYouVeryMuch]

@ThePeasantsAreAtTheGates funnily enough I had a similar message about a jumperoo from someone in Solihull, who replied a day later that they would have it but I’d have to reduce the price to take into account their petrol costs, I took great pleasure in explaining to them that that isn’t how these things work!

[WispaIsSurprisinglyGood]

I think you YABU.

I have learnt I can do so much that I used to let exH do. Trips to the dump, MOT the car, mow lawn, assemble furniture. I have an old car and a mechanic showed me how to do a mechanical fix to get it started because I could afford the repairs for a while. I used to get a real sense of satisfaction popping the bonnet and getting oily!

I sometimes get overwhelmed by anxiety and can totally relate to the feeling described by the new mum being scared of going to the toddler group. I'd have found your message to her really encouraging though.

I very much doubt it's attention seeking. It's shit experiencing anxiety.

[Pippylou]

But that's the thing, some of us have to deal with stuff and really do struggle. Most people do...no-one can do everything.

It's like the difference between explanation and excuse...I can say I can't do it but find help or get training or whatever or I can just sigh and say I can't do it, someone do it for me or worse need the help and then come up with crap excuses why help will be rejected. It's this learned helplessness that's the issue, not people who have issues.

[MissMarplesKnitting]

Me, organising a sports team, having sent the full timetable, and address of the fixture....

"Miss M, how do I get to the game, where it it?"

Umm, according to GOOGLE when I put it into MAPS it's here.

Or alternatively, do that yourself?!! Honestly, I despair. No gumption, as we say up north....

[quizqueen]

The welfare state and the mentality that it's always someone else's fault or responsibility is the cause of a lot of this sort of behaviour.

[cutthegraa]

I see this on a local Facebook group -

• how much does it cost to change flights with jet2?
• fcking google it

• what time does x school start?
• google it/check their website

• I need to get to brown street, what bus should I get?
• look at the bus website

People are lazy.