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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

will I ever be free ??

100 replies

bestoftherest · 23/06/2018 17:49

of my abusive mother I was badly abused for 18 years wippings beatings isolated locked up I'm now 23 with a 2 year old and the abuse is starting to infiltrate to her life . she's not allowed to go to NURSERY now .I'm very frightend for us and the future she wants my daughter for her self I don't know where to turn im sad lonely 23 year old who has hit rock bottom with nowhere to turn

OP posts:
RandomMess · 23/06/2018 17:53

You live with your Mum still?

Snowysky20009 · 23/06/2018 18:02

Are you in the U.K.?

Caselgarcia · 23/06/2018 18:05

Why is she stopping your daughter going to nursery?

RachelfromFriends · 23/06/2018 18:10

Who can support you? You're the mum now, don't let her take anymore of your life

Original poster
bestoftherest · 23/06/2018 18:12

i live alone well apart from her but she comes to my house she demands constant ,contact with my daughter I am under threat that she will have her taken away if I send her to nursery I am frightend she is going to start hitting her like she did with me .

OP posts:
Original poster
bestoftherest · 23/06/2018 18:15

she screams and shouts outside my house I have to agree to everything she says else she screams & swears becomes threating towards me infront of my daughter , I live under constant threat . i don't have any friends .I struggle to even look up from the pavement when I am walking because I have such low confidence

OP posts:
outofmydepth45 · 23/06/2018 18:16

Move far away and start again. Don't let her know where you are Flowers

speakout · 23/06/2018 18:17

bestoftherest please get some help.

You sound a good mother and no one will take your child away, You need help to stand up to your mother.

Contact social services, your GP, Samaritans, all these people will give you help.

Merryoldgoat · 23/06/2018 18:18

Your mother is vile and you deserve better. What is tying you to the area you live in? Can you make plans to leave?

Leeds2 · 23/06/2018 18:22

I am sorry that you, and your daughter, are going through this.

I have no experience, but would suggest that you consider moving away from where you live to a completely different area, not one within travelling distance of your current home, and do not tell your mother your new address. If you want to keep in contact, and I am not sure why you would, then you can go and visit her. Leave instructions with nursery, and anywhere else you can think of, not to pass on your new address (and I wouldn't actually tell nursery unless you absolutely have to).

Brightermornings · 23/06/2018 18:23

No one will take your child. Keep this woman away next time she turns up screaming and shouting call the police.
I have no experience in this but she can't take your child from nursery so do not stop your little one going.

Original poster
bestoftherest · 23/06/2018 18:25

I only wanted her to go to nursery so she could make some little friends and not be lonely what is so wrong with that .

OP posts:
MiniCooperLover · 23/06/2018 18:25

Your mother has no rights over your child and cannot stop you sending her to nursery. Her threats are empty and meaningless

Original poster
bestoftherest · 23/06/2018 18:28

she will one hundred percent report me to social services if I stop contact I have tried breaking contact and she did it before she has a good job she uses the influence and they will believe her .

OP posts:
ElMarineroBaila · 23/06/2018 18:28

Have the stupid bitch arrested for harassment. Get a restraining order.

SurfingGiantess · 23/06/2018 18:29

She can only keep YOUR daughter away from nursery if you let her.
You're the mum now and nobody will take your child away. Don't worry.
You sound you're still very much under her thumb so I'd say talk to a gp maybe he can refer you to a counsellor.
More importantly though definitely move far away and don't tell her where you are. It sounds like you're in danger so the only way is to cut all ties with that woman somewhere new.
You've done nothing to deserve this. Xx

Tistheseason17 · 23/06/2018 18:30

You can report her to the police for the beatings she gave you and they are likely to prosecute.

You can share all of this with your health visitor who will support you. You child is not going to be removed from you for sending her to nursery - most working parents do.

She has made you think there is no one who can help you except HER - this is NOT true.

MaintainTheMolehill · 23/06/2018 18:30

I think moving is the best option long term but you don't sound strong enough yet. I understand that you feel you have no options just now because your Mum has abused you for so long that she has made you feel powerless.

You need to involve other people to help you through this. You have the law on your side. If she is shouting and banging the door you phone the police.
She can't take your daughter if you tell nursery she isn't allowed to collect her.

If I was in your position I would go and see the GP who can arrange some counselling. You are a grown woman and a good Mum and deserve some peace.

Strax · 23/06/2018 18:30

It doesn't matter if she reports you, there is no law to say you need to let grandparents have access to children. Move and don't tell her where. You need to break free, this is an abusive relationship just like some people have with their partners.

Original poster
bestoftherest · 23/06/2018 18:30

this is why I am stuck. there is no way out . she wouldn't do this if my daughter's dad was here it's because I am on my own and she knows I am vunerable .

OP posts:
SurfingGiantess · 23/06/2018 18:33

She can't no matter how much influence she has take your daughter. She can report you all she wants. They'll come round and see its not true. Log everything that happened with your gp and counsellor so they know she's been abusive and she's trying to be abusive still. You and your child are in danger. If you move away she won't find you to report you. Go to the police if she's harassing you.

RandomMess · 23/06/2018 18:36

Can you speak to woman's Aid, going into s refuge may be a way to move away. It sounds like you could press charges against your Mum?

SurfingGiantess · 23/06/2018 18:36

I know it's hard but you need to be strong for your daughter .
Do you have good friends or the child's father who could help you?
Get support from somewhere. You need to get away from her. You can do this.
You're stronger than you think.

ElMarineroBaila · 23/06/2018 18:37

There is a way out, go to the police.

Tistheseason17 · 23/06/2018 18:39

And, just because she "reports you" to social services does not mean anything. They will listen as they are obliged to but they do not simply act without evidence.

You are fine to send child to nursery.