will I ever be free ??

[bestoftherest]

of my abusive mother I was badly abused for 18 years wippings beatings isolated locked up I'm now 23 with a 2 year old and the abuse is starting to infiltrate to her life . she's not allowed to go to NURSERY now .I'm very frightend for us and the future she wants my daughter for her self I don't know where to turn im sad lonely 23 year old who has hit rock bottom with nowhere to turn

Break the cycle. Go to the domestic violence unit of the police initially as you’ll get support.
Change your locks and refuse her entry.
Get a prohibited steps order on her by speaking to social services and telling them you believe she is a risk.
Phone the Samaritans. They will offer friendship and support.

go seek help first.dont let her hang that threat over you.that will already be score one to you.if she then threatens to go to ss you can say "don't worry I have already.over you"
the stuff you've been through the fears over your past they are just that your poast.doesnt matter how a mother becomes one.the fact you are a good mum now is what matters.and to be that you have to take the step to free her from badness the badness now being ur mother.
don't let ur daughter go through whatyou did.dont let you both go through me years living in fear.your a team now.go fight for her.and urself.
she cant be believed if there Is no evidence to base it on.
go to the police and write as you have doen to us.tell them she will manipulate and lie and ur scared for you and ur daughter.explain it all.
it stop when you be really brave and make it stop.

I work in a nursery - if you tell the nursery manager, safeguarding officer or any other staff member about your situation they will be able to help you access help and support - that may be more manageable than going to the police etc. I really hope you are able to get the help you need.

You may not believe this, but your mother is afraid here.
She is afraid that when your DD goes to nursery, you will be out of her clutches. You will meet other mums. You will be able to talk to the nursery workers about your DD. You will be able to see what a solid mum you are, doing a good job with your DD. You will gain confidence. Your mother is afraid that she will lose her hold over you when that happens.

You need to call Women's Aid.

0808 2000 247.

They are usually unable to take a call immediately, You will be directed to voice mail. Leave a number where they can contact you, and a time that is good for you. Give a brief message about your situation.

If they cannot help you, ask for a number for some agency that can.

While this is not the usual scenario in domestic abuse, you are definitely being abused.

Your mother has no rights here at all. Please try to remember that.
She has abused you to the point where you think you have no options and no rights and you feel weak and helpless against her, but you do have several options here, and believe it or not, there is light at the end of this tunnel you are in. There are people and agencies who can help. You could, for instance, take out a protection order against her, through the courts. You will need help and support to do this.

You probably feel that calling the Police when she is making a public nuisance of herself outside your door would result in a terrible consequence for you, and maybe you are not ready to conquer that fear yet, but maybe get your ducks in a line, make sure your home is clean and tidy, DD's bed or cot is clean and safe and comfortable, DD has a chest of drawers or some other clothes storage with clean clothes in it, there is decent food in, some little toys, books, cuddly animals visible... No obvious red flags like empty bottles, evidence of drugs, mould, empty fridge, nappies lying around, medicines left where DD can reach them, and any other hazards you can think of. Then even if your mother succeeds in making the police or SS think she is concerned for your DD's welfare, they will see that she is lying.
Then when you know she doesn't have a leg to stand on, and she plays into your hands, make that call.

Please keep posting here for support.

you didn't let her do that.she did that through the power she had.it wasn't your fault or doesn't make you weak.it means you were abused.HER WRONG NOT you.
by coming and tpying it on here you've shown such strength and determination.it shows you want and need it to change.it shows you can you can you can.
think of how hard it wa to tell us.think how much you might once have thought even this impossible.and look.you bloody did it hun!
so you can keep going.you can break the cycle
for yourself
for you dc.please you deserve better.go let someone look after you and keep you safe again

Please do as people here have said.
Also record her on your phone...
Then take that to the social worker.

mathanxiety excellent post

she will one hundred percent report me to social services if I stop contact I have tried breaking contact and she did it before she has a good job she uses the influence and they will believe her .

Then you speak out my lovely, talk to SS, nursery, woman’s aid, your GP, record her when she rants and raves at you, get as much evidence as you can to show that she is abusive towards you, if possible, her threatening to report you to SS on tape would help show that she is using the fear of losing custody to emotionally abuse you.

Please speak with the police, you need to escape this for your DDs sake.

I also second mathanxiey’s post,

do you have any friends/contacts? its so difficult to speak. Could you write it down and pass to a trusted person?

This is so sad. Where do you live? , I for one if I lived nearby would try and help you.

Be the best you
Can be for your daughter to break this cycle. Be strong and have some faith in the system. Xx

I was just about to post the same as mouse. If you're anywhere near me I will help you. Your mother is doing her best to keep you isolated so that you feel powerless to stop her. You need support around you.

OP: everything she told you is a lie.

It's a lie.

She's not powerful. She's powerful only for as long as you believe she is. You are actually the more powerful one, and she knows it, and she is actually terrified. That's why she does all of this. She can't have you realising that everything she has told you about you and herself is UTTER HORSESHIT and you are ABSOLUTELY FINE, NO, BETTER THAN FINE and you DON'T NEED HER.

What mathanxiety said was right on. She's actually running scared right now. Because she knows your power, and that's why she has to lie and threaten and harass you about it.

But she is a LIAR.

And you will be FINE and you DO NOT NEED HER.

I agree with outofmydepth45. It sounds like you could do with a fresh start, so I would quickly move far away and not tell her if I were you.

Please please please phone Woman's Aid, you are still being abused and they will help you leave the area and start afresh

Op, if you carry on doing the same as you’ve always done, you’ll get tthe same thing. Nothing will change. If you want things to be different, you have to change things!

You’ve been given great advice.

You must tell someone. Start with the police. Your doctor/health visitor. Social services.

Once you do that, I bet you will start to feel better. And your awful mum will have less power over you.

Keep posting on here, let us know how you’re doing.

i film here whens shes shouting and screaming at you. So if she says she will report you, you can tell her to bloody go ahead. As you have evidence of how horrid she is.

i would film her *

Film her outside your house. Go to the GP. Call women's aid - everything you have been advised in here.

You need to be the strongest you have ever been for your daughter. And for you

She has convinced you that she has power over you but she doesn't. Social services won't just believe her if she tells lies about you. They will need evidence before they attempted to take your daughter and really that would be a last resort anyway. You need to live in a place away from her.

Coukd you just lack up take your daughter and run away somewhere? Change your name? I think you need some advice before doing this but it can be done.

Could you write this all down and send it to the police so you don't have to say it out loud? They will take whatever steps are necessary to keep you and your daughter safe. Please do something.

I understand that you must be scared shitless. So how about you just make one little step. One she'll never know about. Call WA and explain your situation. That's all for now. Just the one phone call. You just listen to what they have to say. You don't have to do anything they say. Just listen and get information. That's all.

You can be free of her!

If she comes to your house and starts shouting and screaming outside use your phone to record her,if she sends you threatening or abusive text messages,voice mails or emails keep them all and then you go to the Police and show them the proof!

It doesn't matter what her job is once you have the proof there is nothing she can do to deny it.

You've got out of her clutches and had a child. You did it once and now you need to several he link completely and enrol your daughter at nursery.

OP we are all rooting for you.

Do you have anyone in your community that you can trust to be your advocate and help you in your journey to free yourself and your DD? Anyone?

That would be a good step. You probably cannot see the wood for the trees and are in a terrible state about this.

Please contact someone be it police, SS, whatever and explain your terror and your fears. My best wishes to you my love.

It is not easy to break away from years of control and abuse, but you CAN do it.

If you don’t want to ask for help then could you do a moonlight flit? Get a new home sorted out at the other end of the country and just go, no need to tell her what you’re planning.