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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

will I ever be free ??

100 replies

bestoftherest · 23/06/2018 17:49

of my abusive mother I was badly abused for 18 years wippings beatings isolated locked up I'm now 23 with a 2 year old and the abuse is starting to infiltrate to her life . she's not allowed to go to NURSERY now .I'm very frightend for us and the future she wants my daughter for her self I don't know where to turn im sad lonely 23 year old who has hit rock bottom with nowhere to turn

OP posts:

C4Envelope · 23/06/2018 19:58

Oh OP ,

Please read and take on all the advice all these wonderful people have posted.

Under no circumstances let your mother have your daughter without supervision.

Sending bravery and courage your way.

greendale17 · 23/06/2018 19:59

Firstly I would report her to the police for the historical abuse

Parker231 · 23/06/2018 20:02

Do not open the door to her. If she starts screeming , ring the police. Take your DD to nursery, she is safe there. Tell the nursery staff what you have said here. Notify your GP as to the history so there is a record. When she is not a nursery take your DD to local groups, she will enjoy it and you can make friends.

user1498854363 · 23/06/2018 20:04

Op,

She has reported you to SS before? What did they do? As yr child is still with you?

I too want to offer help, I’m in London, and have contacts in SS, housing, support services.
If you are in UK, a local children’s centre or sure start centre can help, there are loads of people who will back and believe you.

You have the right to live your life without fear, as does yr daughter.

Every day you do that is a good day.

What would help you?

CoolCarrie · 23/06/2018 20:07

Oh sweet heart this is awful, your so called mother is vile. Your “ mother “ is in the wrong here, not you. Please believe us here.
Could you speak to your doctor or health visitor?

Tistheseason17 · 23/06/2018 20:10

The reason your mum is trying to scare you and keep you in fear is because SHE is terrified you will tell the truth.

She knows YOU have the power now and she is increasing her threats as she is terrified of losing control if you.

YOU WILL BE BELIEVED

You are not a bad mother/person. Life is a journey and we grow and change based on our experiences. Your mother is supposed to love you - but not all mothers know how to do this.

Please speak to Women's Aid.

You will not believe the freedom and release you will feel when you unbottle your experiences and talk.

Do it for your daughter

nocoolnamesleft · 23/06/2018 20:12

Okay, if a phonecall feels too much at the minute, how about starting by reading about your options? The NSPCC have advice about what you can do about historic abuse:

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/signs-symptoms-effects/non-recent-abuse/

kateandme · 23/06/2018 20:14

look at all the people commenting on here op.
wow isn't that support.isnt that proof of your worth.if strangers can come on here and see your worth from a few of your postings, that shows how brilliant you are and how much you deserve to be free and safe.and happy.
imagine that.freedom. it can be yours and you have a whole army wishing you on to it on here.
take our strength take our corage and words and go get yourself a life of happiness.it can be done.many have been just as scared as you are and found freedom.little by little step by step one moment at time.it can get better.but it cant unless you take those moment of bravery and go seek help.
you can do this.you deserve to.and so does your dc.

Flaminglingos · 23/06/2018 20:19

www.womensaid.org.uk

Desmondo2016 · 23/06/2018 20:23

You posted so you a) know it's wrong and b) want to do something about it. All the information you need is right here, on this thread. Do it for your daughter.

Original poster

bestoftherest · 23/06/2018 20:24

I am reading every post and digesting all that has been said .I will be thinking over everything that has been suggested it really means alot I and I am touched by every single kind post I really am .

OP posts:

rollingonariver · 23/06/2018 20:25

Op. You need to tell someone NOW.
If she reports you to SS and then you start telling them they probably won't believe you because it'll look like you're trying to take the heat off of yourself.
You need to start protecting yourself and your DD. Get rid of this abusive woman, go into a shelter if you have to.
We believe in you op, you're doing so well managing to look after your DD after such an awful childhood. You and your DD deserve a good life, not just to live but to live well!
You will get through this, you are strong. You look after a whole other human all day long, a human you made. There's nothing stronger than that, you just have to believe in that strength.

petrolpump28 · 23/06/2018 20:27

if you can stick it out till Monday just write something on a piece of paper and hand it in at nursery.

LittleOwl153 · 23/06/2018 20:38

Keep writing.... you say you don't think you can speak about it so keep writing. Whether it is here or just a note one your phone. Then show someone - as pps have suggested- health visitor, nursery, sure start centre, GP.... All you have to do is say it is you and let them read. They will help you. They are trained to do so.

kateandme · 23/06/2018 20:45

could you go and show someone this thread.

Mistygreyelephants · 23/06/2018 20:47

There's support with NAPAC as well OP. I know it diesbt feel like it right now but there's so many different ways to access support.

Mistygreyelephants · 23/06/2018 20:49

Doesnt* predictive text gone crazy

WhiteWalkerWife · 23/06/2018 20:57

Call womens aid. Your mother abused and controls you. She wants to do it to your dc. Womens aid can help you get away from her.

Thehop · 23/06/2018 21:04

My husband is a policeman and says to go to the police. They will believe you and will support you. Please please do xxx

Starlight345 · 23/06/2018 22:17

Can I first say well done for posting here . It is a big step .

Next you do need to contact someone whether women aid , the police . Any step is a step to yours and you daughters happiness . You both deserve it.

Imbluedabadee · 24/06/2018 07:42

Keep posting here op, we're all on your side

MipMipMip · 24/06/2018 08:18

Next time she comes screaming abuse film her on your phone. Don't let her see, it can be the other side of the door so it's just audio. Then when you go to the police/social services her good job will be negated as you will have proof of what she's like.

You are strong, that much is clear. You can do this.

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 24/06/2018 08:34

I'm so sorry OP.

You need to do the following things:

Keep a log of everything she does - every time she comes round, every time she shouts at you. As soon as she has gone make a written record on your phone or in a notebook you keep hidden.

Report her to the police, now. Say that she is threatening and abusing you and that you are frightened for you and your daughter's safety.

keyboardkate · 24/06/2018 17:30

How are you today OP. I know you have been reading and absorbing everything said here.

Have you had any thoughts on a plan to escape your mother yet?

IgamOgamJones · 24/06/2018 18:09

Yes, one day, but you need to take action.
Try the Freedom Programme run by Women's Aid alongside physical therapy [massage, yoga or running, kickboxing, swimming ] and counselling.
Yes, one day you can be free but it is only you with the power to make it happen now.

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