To think she should have checked in?

[Ikanails]

I’ve been compelled to write my first post by the absolute CF’ry of this mum.

Background- DD (7) has best friend in school, have met mum at parties, school gate etc and had her DD for tea after school. I have DD and am 6 months pregnant, OH works nights.

Haven’t seen DD’s friends mum for a while but got a text from her earlier this week asking if I would have her D for the night on Friday as she was attending work do. Initially I was a bit because we haven’t spoken to eachother for a while but thought it would be nice for DD so I agreed.

Didn’t hear from the mum again until later in the week I was shopping and asked if there was anything her D wouldn’t eat. No problem, thought I’d get another text Friday to confirm arrangements, no such text arrived.

Pick up Friday - DD’s friend has overnight bag and is happy to be coming home with us so I take it the sleepover is still on! Got home, made something to eat, doesn’t like the food, fine, supply alternative (clearly there are foods she doesn’t like!). Crossed my mind that mum hadn’t checked in to see if everything ok but didn’t think much more of it.

Went about our evening, kids played, watched a movie, popcorn, up and down the stairs, generally having a good time. At bed time I thought mum will text soon to check in surely, no text.

I text her around before 9pm to say that everything was fine, hope she’s having a good night - no reply.

10pm, DD’s friend is upset, can’t sleep, scared, up and down, I’m knackered as it is and really just want to go to sleep but obviously don’t want to ruin mums night out so just get on with it.

This morning, I checked WhatsApp, the mum hasn’t even been online since 7pm last night, never mind read my text... she hasn’t checked in, hasn’t called to say what time she’s picking up, DD is supposed to be going out with OH at 12 so I can rest (I work full time through the week).

AIBU to think the mum is a complete CF?! Who doesn’t check in to see if their child is ok? Or send a text or call to say what time they’ll be picking up? I can’t help thinking what if there had been an emergency?! I’m giving her till 12 before I ring because don’t want to make a scene but I just can’t believe I haven’t heard from her since earlier this week!!

Sorry for the long post but who does that?!?!?!

Did the mother turn up???

Poor girl. Want to know what happened!

Maybe CF mum has done something orrible to OP and that’s why she hasn’t replied 🤨

Presumably other mum did pick her child up before noon and OP is getting on with her day.

I reckon CF mum is the innocent party and it’s OP who has gone off radar since yesterday - she’s got form looking at her disappearance from this thread.

I had this once, a school friend of DD1 wheb they were 7/8. I didn't know the mum but she asked me to look after her DD on a thurs night and drop to school because she was going in for a minor op and had no family to help. I was happy to help...... she ended up with me until Monday as her mum had actually gone on an extended booze cruise with her new boyfriend!! I was a bit pissed off to say the least 😂 her poor DD though, being left with a stranger so her mum could go off with her boyfriend

Late update, been catching up sleep!

So she text me just before 12 saying “hi, we’re just heading to pick up the car and then we’ll be round to pick up, hope she’s been well behaved”

Turned up an hour later absolutely nothing other than a thanks and bye!

Absolutely never again, it’s not a problem having another kid to stay really, I just couldn’t believe she didn’t get in touch, not even this morning. Just seemed really off to me.

Thanks for your responses l, glad to know I’m not the only one who thought it was out of order!

So there was no explanation as to why she didn't get in touch and was late??!

Only read op posts, and while she was a bit cheeky she wasn't actually late was she, because you didn't tell her a time that you wanted her to pick her dd up?

Now I certainly wouldn't presume that a sleepover meant till later than mid morning but if you hadn't told her a time I have to say you are at least half responsible for this. Next time you have a child for a sleepover agree a time you went them collected then this would be avoided.

Oh, I’m pretty sure CF would’ve turned up at whatever time she pleased, irrespective of any arrangements . . .

Not necessarily Kitty. You might bet right, but that's a but of a leap....

@FatCow2018 so you took her home after school on Friday? How did you know to do this? You were very kind, I’d have been tempted to leave the school to contact the police - unless there was some terrible misunderstanding she has literally abandoned her child. Once she’s 13/14 she’ll probably just leave the poor kid home alone.

Er - it’s not actually very much of a leap at all, based on the preponderance of evidence . . .

how was she suppsed to discuss pick up time when the bloody cf wasnt answering her textst!

Never again op, when she called you up I would have asked her to pick up her dd now, not when she wanted. What a cheeky bint

That’s terrible!
My Ex’s parents pick up DS from pre-school on every Weds (long standing arrangement) and I always send a text on a Tues checking they are and thanking them for helping out.
I couldn’t imagine not thanking anyone for babysitting all night! If a friend babysits I always take a bottle of wine or a treat when I go to collect my child and I’m really grateful!

Don’t ever help her out again!

how was she suppsed to discuss pick up time when the bloody cf wasnt answering her textst!

The only text that OP sent that needed answering (prior to the sleepover) was about food that her DD would eat. And OP says she did answer.

The conversation seems to have gone
Other parent - can you have my DD for a sleepover on Friday?
OP - yes, that's fine

Later in the week ...

OP - just checking to see if there's anything your DD can't/won't eat?
Parent - no, she eats anything

I'm wondering if this is OP's oldest, but other parent has older DC? Hence why OP is keen on the constant checking in during the sleepver (really, not necessary) but other parent is more relaxed about arrangements. I've certainly had DC over for sleepovers and been happy for parents to pick up whenever suits (within reason, which other parent's pick up was in this case).

So yes, other parent should have checked when she needed to pick up, but equally OP needed to ask her!!

People do have very different expectations of sleepovers.

I picked DD up from one an hour ago because her friend's family spend all Sunday with their church - pick up is either before 9am or 4pm after spending the day with them at church (standing offer which DD hasn't taken up).

One of dc3's friends mum's won't hear of him being picked up before late afternoon as she likes the boys to spend all Sunday together, and they have a lot of outdoor space and they play outside and she says they are no trouble together and it keeps her ds from nagging her all the time

Normally pick up seems to be between 10am and 11am after a late breakfast, and that's what I always ask for when kids sleep here.

Either way pick up time is set before the child is left!

A lot of pp have said they wouldn't check in during a sleepover which is fine but she was picked up straight from school with very little contact about times etc. Surely you'd want to check they actually have your child?

I know this is now hindsight but I would never let my child go stay somewhere of vice versa if I don’t know the parents well.

I think what also helps is to have a a WhatsApp group of all the other parents from class or at least your DDs friends

Definitely not on though.

I would have replied to previous texts but I wouldn’t check in while DD was away. I would presume all ok unless advised otherwise. Pickup times are always arranged in advance.

That's seriously fucked up! If mine stays over I always check in to make sure all is OK, arrange a collect time and make it clear I'm here if needed. I'll also be vigilant checking my phone which I'm usually not.

She sounds an utter twat. Is the child OK generally? It sounds like the mum is worryingly disinterested.

I can imagine lots of parents not checking in when their child is at a sleepover (for one thing host parents might not want to be faffing about answering texts reassuring guest parents that their child is OK). BUT you would definitely expect them to check their phone and answer texts sent out to them. Since OP was doing the other mum a favour you'd also think other mum would take the initiative to let OP know when she'd pick up.

I am not a fan of sleepovers, my DC only ever stayed over with people I knew well, and only at age 10+. Not keen to host either, I have enough with my own 5 without having random extra kids around the house.

So had you tried to call her?