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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think she should have checked in?

125 replies

Ikanails · 23/06/2018 11:14

I’ve been compelled to write my first post by the absolute CF’ry of this mum.

Background- DD (7) has best friend in school, have met mum at parties, school gate etc and had her DD for tea after school. I have DD and am 6 months pregnant, OH works nights.

Haven’t seen DD’s friends mum for a while but got a text from her earlier this week asking if I would have her D for the night on Friday as she was attending work do. Initially I was a bit because we haven’t spoken to eachother for a while but thought it would be nice for DD so I agreed.

Didn’t hear from the mum again until later in the week I was shopping and asked if there was anything her D wouldn’t eat. No problem, thought I’d get another text Friday to confirm arrangements, no such text arrived.

Pick up Friday - DD’s friend has overnight bag and is happy to be coming home with us so I take it the sleepover is still on! Got home, made something to eat, doesn’t like the food, fine, supply alternative (clearly there are foods she doesn’t like!). Crossed my mind that mum hadn’t checked in to see if everything ok but didn’t think much more of it.

Went about our evening, kids played, watched a movie, popcorn, up and down the stairs, generally having a good time. At bed time I thought mum will text soon to check in surely, no text.

I text her around before 9pm to say that everything was fine, hope she’s having a good night - no reply.

10pm, DD’s friend is upset, can’t sleep, scared, up and down, I’m knackered as it is and really just want to go to sleep but obviously don’t want to ruin mums night out so just get on with it.

This morning, I checked WhatsApp, the mum hasn’t even been online since 7pm last night, never mind read my text... she hasn’t checked in, hasn’t called to say what time she’s picking up, DD is supposed to be going out with OH at 12 so I can rest (I work full time through the week).

AIBU to think the mum is a complete CF?! Who doesn’t check in to see if their child is ok? Or send a text or call to say what time they’ll be picking up? I can’t help thinking what if there had been an emergency?! I’m giving her till 12 before I ring because don’t want to make a scene but I just can’t believe I haven’t heard from her since earlier this week!!

Sorry for the long post but who does that?!?!?!

OP posts:

RickyGold · 23/06/2018 12:44

I have sleepovers for my ds every 3 weeks or so, none of the parents check in, not unusual for a kid to come over Sat afternoon and return home Sun late afternoon, I had never considered them cfs! When my ds has a sleepover I wouldn't check in either, however I do arrange collection times. I would expect a reply from my text though.

Cheby · 23/06/2018 12:45

I can’t believe that people do this. My first thought would be that something had happened, but as she’s been online then maybe not. Hope she picks her DD up soon OP.

Fairenuff · 23/06/2018 12:47

Must be a long phonecall OP.

RedSkyAtNight · 23/06/2018 12:53

The "not checking in" is fine - I wouldn't check up on a child at a sleepover, I'd expect the person looking after them to call if there was a problem.

The not agreeing arrangements is very weird,but frankly in OP's case I think she needed to be very clear up front what she was prepared to do. If I have DC round I always make it very clear what the arrangements are.

So my response to "can DC come for a sleepover would be" - of course, please can she bring a sleeping bag and pick her up at 11." And then chase up the arrangements if necessary.

pinkhorse · 23/06/2018 13:07

Has she collected her dd yet?

UrghBullTee · 23/06/2018 13:21

Dying to know what has happened!

stayathomer · 23/06/2018 13:22

The "not checking in" is fine - I wouldn't check up on a child at a sleepover, I'd expect the person looking after them to call if there was a problem.

I'd totally agree with this. As for all the excuses, maybe they're valid, maybe they're not-the fact that she was at a work do doesn't really inspire confidence but for all you know she has a billion things to be done, looking after a relative or something and she's used to sleepovers being until the following afternoon. This does all depend on what time she comes at alright, but wither way she is a bit of a cf and definitely a bit lax. For the indignant people intent on turfing out her dd or reporting her, it's a bit strong and ott imho but hopefully she's already collected?

Filzma · 23/06/2018 13:22

Certified CF if no emergency came up

HoppingPavlova · 23/06/2018 13:37

I don’t think not checking in is unreasonable. I don’t recall ever doing this when mine was that age on sleepovers. I assumed if there WAS an issue the other parent would contact me.

I do however think it was unreasonable not to return your query regarding the good, not to touch base with you beforehand and not to make firm pick up arrangements in regards to her child. Very odd behaviour.

I never ‘partied’ while mine was on sleepovers either, just in case something happened and I was contacted to pick them up.

Jammycustard · 23/06/2018 13:38

That’s her off the list.

Tinty · 23/06/2018 13:45

Has the mother picked up her DD yet OP?

EssentialHummus · 23/06/2018 13:46

Honestly, this place at times. Yes, she could have had her phone stolen while at a psychologically necessary spiritual retreat in a bit of Wales that has no phone signal and then developed sudden-onset amnesia, but the fact that she's not replied to several separate texts from you seems to me to suggest that she doesn't give a flying ducky. Who wouldn't reply and say, "Yep, still on, she's always happy with pizza or sausages? Thanks so much, DD can't wait."

bastardkitty · 23/06/2018 13:49

It also sounds like she just sent her DD to school with overnight things without actually confirming any plans. CF all the way...

GabsAlot · 23/06/2018 13:52

but to not even confirm it just give her dd a bag to take to school and no word after that?

sorry not on

KeepServingTheDrinks · 23/06/2018 13:52

Has the child gone?

Juells · 23/06/2018 13:56

@ Opheliasgoldenwine

Even if she's lost her phone, she could horror someone else's

😁

Yes, she could have had her phone stolen while at a psychologically necessary spiritual retreat in a bit of Wales that has no phone signal and then developed sudden-onset amnesia, but the fact that she's not replied to several separate texts from you seems to me to suggest that she doesn't give a flying ducky.

😁

contributes nothing to thread

doodlejump1980 · 23/06/2018 14:02

This reminds me of a thread where a child was left with a friend, no contact, transpired the Mum was up in court and was sent to jail! Think the child ended up staying with the op, or went into care? Or did I imagine that thread?

OneThingAndThenTheNext · 23/06/2018 14:02

Hoping child has been picked up and OP is getting some rest.

RubaDubMum89 · 23/06/2018 14:05

OP, has the child been collected yet?

CherieBabySpliffUp · 23/06/2018 14:12

Somehow I think the OP still has the child at hers.

MikeUniformMike · 23/06/2018 14:21

If she lost her phone, she would probably have lost OP's number.

Juells · 23/06/2018 14:29

OP said her messages had been seen.

eddielizzard · 23/06/2018 14:29

well it's not how i'd behave... and i doubt you'd repeat the favour.

Biscusting · 23/06/2018 14:31

Not place marking for CFers shameful collection of neglected child. Nope

Oysterbabe · 23/06/2018 14:32

Has she been collected?

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