To think she should have checked in?

[Ikanails]

I’ve been compelled to write my first post by the absolute CF’ry of this mum.

Background- DD (7) has best friend in school, have met mum at parties, school gate etc and had her DD for tea after school. I have DD and am 6 months pregnant, OH works nights.

Haven’t seen DD’s friends mum for a while but got a text from her earlier this week asking if I would have her D for the night on Friday as she was attending work do. Initially I was a bit because we haven’t spoken to eachother for a while but thought it would be nice for DD so I agreed.

Didn’t hear from the mum again until later in the week I was shopping and asked if there was anything her D wouldn’t eat. No problem, thought I’d get another text Friday to confirm arrangements, no such text arrived.

Pick up Friday - DD’s friend has overnight bag and is happy to be coming home with us so I take it the sleepover is still on! Got home, made something to eat, doesn’t like the food, fine, supply alternative (clearly there are foods she doesn’t like!). Crossed my mind that mum hadn’t checked in to see if everything ok but didn’t think much more of it.

Went about our evening, kids played, watched a movie, popcorn, up and down the stairs, generally having a good time. At bed time I thought mum will text soon to check in surely, no text.

I text her around before 9pm to say that everything was fine, hope she’s having a good night - no reply.

10pm, DD’s friend is upset, can’t sleep, scared, up and down, I’m knackered as it is and really just want to go to sleep but obviously don’t want to ruin mums night out so just get on with it.

This morning, I checked WhatsApp, the mum hasn’t even been online since 7pm last night, never mind read my text... she hasn’t checked in, hasn’t called to say what time she’s picking up, DD is supposed to be going out with OH at 12 so I can rest (I work full time through the week).

AIBU to think the mum is a complete CF?! Who doesn’t check in to see if their child is ok? Or send a text or call to say what time they’ll be picking up? I can’t help thinking what if there had been an emergency?! I’m giving her till 12 before I ring because don’t want to make a scene but I just can’t believe I haven’t heard from her since earlier this week!!

Sorry for the long post but who does that?!?!?!

Sadly I am not shocked to hear this story. This kind of crap happened to me all the time when mine were kids. CFs galore, dumping their kids on me (and DH) left right and centre. I was kind and accommodating and didn't mind having kids round, and our house was warm and friendly. So I became a magnet for CFs, dumping their kids on us for hours on end. I hardly knew the parents, they never thanked me for babysitting and feeding their kids, they barely acknowledged me, and they never had my kids round at theirs.

I even had one woman actually sending her daughter (a friend of my daughter's at the time, but not a close friend,) to mine late afternoon on New years eve once, with her brother. (Girl was 10 and boy 5.) Said they had come to play with my daughter. I told them it was a bit late in the day on New Year's Eve (it was dark!) and that they couldn't stay more than an hour as we were having tea at six and going out in the evening.

Long story short, I drove them around to their house just before 6pm (1 mile away,) and there was no fucker in! I told the girl to ring her mother (from my mobile,) and she did, but there was no answer. On a second attempt, it went straight to voicemail, so the CF mother had switched her mobile phone off.

I was livid and so was DH. We went to the grandmother of the kids, but she was out too! We also tried the aunt (the mother's sister) who lived 3 miles away. No-one in! So we were basically stuck with someone else's kids, at 6.30-7pm on New Year's Eve with no parent or relative in sight. I kept messaging and phoning the mother, and popping round. Nothing. Complete radio silence.

Although, on 2 occasions, I got a notification to my phone 15 to 20 minutes after I had texted the mother to say 'message received.' So the CF mother had switched her phone on a couple of times to see if there were any messages - and then switched it back off!

I was steaming by 9.00pm.

At 9.15pm, I texted her and said 'I am sick of you fucking ignoring me now! If you don't come and get your 2 children from my house, I am calling the police. You have 30 minutes to get here, or I will call and tell them you have abandoned your kids!'

9.35pm, she pulled up in a taxi, and banged VERY loudly on our door. I opened it and she didn't even look at me; she just yelled Sophie, Daniel - get 'ere!' They came downstairs and ran to the door, and she grabbed them vigorously and stormed off ... Didn't say a fucking word to me. No 'thank you' or anything.

Then after the Christmas/New year hols, I was met with a wall of glares and catty remarks by her and her mates at the school gate, because I was a bitch who had apparently 'threatened her with social services.' I know she was in the wrong, but I didn't bother defending myself, as you can't reason with that kind of mob rule.

Oh and by the way, even if it IS an organised sleepover, it's very odd to not check if your child is OK. And even MORE odd to ignore people bloody contacting you! What if there was something seriously wrong?!

Makes you wonder why some people have children, when they offload them onto others so often, and don't give a rat's bollock where they are!

Has the mother been to get her kid yet @ikanails ?

I bet she thinks it's working out really well. CF's always do.

I can't see the problem with her not checking in during the evening. If it was my child on a sleepover I'd assume that everything was fine and that the other parent would contact me if it wasn't.

But I do think that pick-up arrangements should have been sorted out when the sleepover was first agreed. I'd have expected the friend's mum to ask when you'd like her to be collected. But as she didn't I'm surprised that you didn't bring it up yourself.

Really bizzare if you ask me, makes me feel ultra paranoid and OTT in comparison! I would have messaged the day before to confirm, at dinner time, bed time asked you to give the phone to DD so I could talk to her before bed... and I definitely would have let you know when I was coming to collect!

Particularly as it's a sunny Saturday when you might have plans.

Perhaps the CF mother has plans for this sunny Saturday which don't include her daughter.

You are also in the wrong OP to accept someone's child when you don't even know where they live. The child's mum is s totally CF but you should never have taken the child for a sleepover.

Dying to know if the CF has materialised yet!

My goodness what a CF, don't do that again ever! I would call her asap, tell her that you are dropping her now, what her address is as you have to be out.

Please tell me the kid has gone??

I'm sorry, but I have to say it, is anyone else getting the irony that OP hasn't checked in yet? I'm sorry, but not, but I am .... Sorry!!!

Just asking, do parents normally check on their kids during a sleepover?? My DD just went on her first one, I had confirmed all the details beforehand but it never occurred to me to text during the evening. Should I have? We did turn up at the agreed collection time (8am) and parents and children were all still asleep!!

I normally get messages 24-48hrs after they are sent so can never figure out why people get all upset when there is no reply within an hour.

Why would you need to check in during the sleep over?

Apart from that, she’s annoying.

But so is OP due leaving us hanging!

The not checking if ahe was ok wouldn't bother me but the not arranging a pick up time would!

Dying to know what's happened here! should get out more

The flimsy excuses aside, who the hell arranges a sleepover by text and doesn't say a word afterwards, not the day of OR the day after?!

That's some seriously shit parenting.

7 is young for a sleepover. I would definitely have text to see if all was ok.

I've never, ever heard of anyone checking in during a sleepover, and I have 3 kids aged 7-13 and have hosted and sent kids on plenty of sleepovers.

Pick up time is always arranged in advance when arranging that the sleepover is happening at all.

So text messaging between parents during the sleepover isn't an expectation at all. We live in the country and its fairly common not to have mobile reception - we don't have mobile reception inside our house, although whatsapp uses the wifi and I always give out our landline number as being more reliable.

We don't do sleepovers as childcare though, they're always initiated by the children and happen at a mutually convenient time.

You were both unreasonable not setting up pick up time in advance.

Did she answer her phone when you called?

Used to have this with a seriously dysfunctional mother at DSs school....would drop her kid and do exactly the same thing as this CF. Thankfully 15 years later her DS has turned into a really lovely, hard working adult. She, unfortunately, is still lurching from one disaster to another

I'm missing something.

Op agrees to a sleepover, discusses food with parent.
Child arrives, Op sends a message to say all is ok.

No pick up time arranged at any point and Op is cross because she hadn't picked up.

I assume other people can parent if they are. No I know checks in just to make sure. We do arrange pick up times though. Why would you discuss food and not that?

Yes you're missing something freemantle. Mum didn't reply to texts about food, didn't check nearer the time it was still ok, didn't check what time to collect, left child with someone she hardly knows & doesn't know address of.
Yanbu op, you've been used

Place marking however I totally agree with pp that this the mother is being a cf, especially with OP being pregnant and her OH working nights!! The kids are fairly young, very real possibility she wouldn't settle and op would be up with her - and pregnant and alone doing that, with a weekend ahead of you. You're a better woman than me. Interested to see mother's response tbh

Poor little girl, she's obv way down her mums priority list.