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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to hit the roof with my husband

119 replies

Antonia87 · 22/06/2018 13:20

My husband has accidently given my toddler son a carpet burn. He rough plays with him which I think is healthy and good for their bond. However, he has taken to playing a game which involves my son being dragged by his leg across the rug. The baby squeals with delight which encourages my husband. I have warned him not to do it as it looks unsafe . Husband didn't listen. This morning he tried it on the carpet and my sons t-shirt rode up and he now has a carpet burn. I am livid! I informed my husband of his stupidity and he has brushed it off as not a big deal but promises not to do it again on the carpet. I have told him that the game is never to happen again. He is fighting me on it. AIBU?

OP posts:

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 22/06/2018 14:46

I can’t believe everyone saying that it’s okay lighten up. Rough playing with babies isn’t a good idea, like ever. Mollycoddled kids? Yes, if it means you have to learn to have a giggle with them without hurting them. So he won’t do it on the carpet again, but the floor?! I mean where?!

I bet your toddler is a boy too. I hate the attitude of its all a bit of fun. He should say sorry, and be gentler, it’s not that much to ask of a father to his child!

Takethemdown · 22/06/2018 14:46

My uncle dislocated my elbow and shoulder swinging me around playing as a kid. Full hospital job. He was mortified but my parents just accepted it as an accident.

So carpet burn as long as he tried not to cause it again and as long as the dc liked the game wouldn't bother me!

SoupDragon · 22/06/2018 14:47

my toddler son

Is it his son too?

gillybeanz · 22/06/2018 14:48

Tell him to grow the fuck up.
Yes, accidents happen, we all do things to our kids by accident, but you learn and are more careful.
You don't brush it away as not important.
Tell him you'll report him if he doesn't wise up, and follow through with it.
He'll be sent on a parenting course, this happened to a friend of mine, I was so [shocked] when she told me, However, her dh is a model parent now, and trustworthy with H&S which is the main thing.
He needs to listen to someone and it doesn't look like it's going to be you.

Heighwayqueen · 22/06/2018 14:48

Livid?! Massive over reaction. Please go and apologize to your husband.

SoddingUnicorns · 22/06/2018 14:50

Tell him you'll report him if he doesn't wise up, and follow through with it.

And people wonder why actual abuse cases get lost in the system? Report him for what? Making a mistake? Have none of us ever made a mistake as parents?

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 22/06/2018 14:51

You don't brush it away as not important. yep agree gillybeanz that is what stood out for me. We could all forgive ourselves and DPs a minor accident with kids, but you are supposed to learn from it and be gentler / use a sleep bag next time or whatever!

WillowRose79 · 22/06/2018 14:52

Oh my gosh- kids get carpet burns! Theyre playing and having fun. Either join in with the fun or keep quiet about it

QuizzlyBear · 22/06/2018 14:53

It sounds like a fun game and he's said he won't do it on carpet again. I'd lighten up and let your DH and DS enjoy their time together doing whatever they enjoy!

After all, he's the parent too, so ought not be 'told' whether he can play a certain way with his own son

WillowRose79 · 22/06/2018 14:54

Gillybeanz are you being serious!! Report her husband for giving their son a carpet burn by playing! Jesus you are way too much

MyKingdomForBrie · 22/06/2018 14:54

you're supposed to learn from it and what the fuck do you think his statement that he will not do it on the carpet any more is??

How better could he have learned than 'carpet = carpet burn, slidy floor = no carpet burn'

Ffs. Look out at the natural world all around you, this kind of play is how animals have bonded for time immemorial. It's natural and healthy.

SandyFagina · 22/06/2018 14:55

I hope he tells you to get to fuck tbh.

BlancheM · 22/06/2018 15:47

I'll go against the grain. I hate rough play. It always ends in tears

rosesandflowers1 · 22/06/2018 15:50

Honestly, the game doesn't sound very safe. I can't think of it being better anywhere inside a house really! Wood would burn too, a bit, and possibility of splinters which would definitely end in tears. Tiles would make an absolutely hideous noise which isn't really relevant and the bumps/ridges might be a bit scratchy. Maybe it would be better on grass.

How old is your son? Honestly I wouldn't like my DH to be yanking any of my kids around by the leg.

Can you suggest or buy something that might encourage a safer game for them to play together?

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 22/06/2018 16:03

Across tiles wouldn’t be good!

I guess it’s about us as adults being responsible and responsive. I think physical play is great, really important, but it’s one of those things that is worth getting right - not overwhelming the child, not hurting, not being so arrogant that we won’t apologize if we get it wrong. And not overdoing it with boys to toughen them up!

Queenofthestress · 22/06/2018 16:05

If he's playing with a toddler than he needs to be careful how he's grabbing/pulling him as he could accidentally dislocate something and no one wants that, either use a blanket or sleeping bag

rosesandflowers1 · 22/06/2018 16:06

I'm not sure if this will be any help, but when DD2 was little an acquaintance that clearly hated us bought her this musical kit. It was essentially plastic versions of several instruments that made loud blaring noises whenever you hit them.

We couldn't pry her away from it so eventually I got her a Barbie cowgirl movie and a cowgirl hat. Cue poor DH going through several weeks as a pony

Depending on your DS' age, is there a way you could have him want to play a different game?

TaWi · 22/06/2018 16:09

You do realise you're his wife and not his boss, right? Yes your son got a carpet burn by accident when playing with his dad, but you don't get to tell him how he can and can't play with his own son!

Getoffthetableplease · 22/06/2018 16:18

Is he your husband's biological son too (it's just you say 'my son' a lot and I didn't know whether that was part of it)?

Tinkobell · 22/06/2018 16:23

Oh calm down OP. Read the hundreds of threads on MN from mothers pissed off because they have detached uninvolved DH's and try and be grateful for what you've got. It's nothing a plaster can't fix!

NewPapaGuinea · 22/06/2018 16:25

Your DS will get in many more scrapes in the years to come. All part of the fun of growing up

LeighaJ · 22/06/2018 16:26

I am livid!

YABU for not being 'BEYOND livid!'

Also in general.

LeighaJ · 22/06/2018 16:27

*"I am livid!"

Dorsetdays · 22/06/2018 16:28

Please don’t think I’m one of the H&S police as geneuinely think kids should be kids and a bit of rough and tumble is fine but.... a friend of ours broke their daughters leg doing exactly this.

At the hospital, the staff said it’s a surprisingly common injury from children being pulled by their legs as it’s very easy for one to get caught up underneath them.

Ohmydayslove · 22/06/2018 16:29

Tell him you will report him

Jesus god almighty a dad rough playing and accidentally causing a carpet burn.

SS would think you were insane.

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