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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how the heck schools expect working parents to cope with this?

627 replies

Worriedaboutdog · 21/06/2018 21:56

Apologies this may be a rant. DS1 is due to start school in September. We have therefore put childcare plans in place based on him starting school on the first day of term in September. School have just announced that:

a) reception start a week later
And
b) as a summer birthday, DS actually will do half days for another week after that, and ‘must be picked up at 1.30pm’.

No mention of either of these things was made when we looked round the school. We have already juggled the time off we have available to look after him over the summer. As it happens it’s probably easier for us than most parents as DH is a shift worker so can cover some days, but we were relying on him going to school at the beginning of September, and being in after-school club on days DH isn’t at home until I can get there to pick him up. Wtf are parents who both work Monday-Friday meant to do about two extra weeks?! This was all announced today in a meeting (I couldn’t go, because it was at 3.30pm, but DH did), and when he asked the class teacher if they had to go home at lunchtime or could stay and then go to after school club, she said they had to go home and we’d have to get ‘a grandparent or someone’ to pick them up. So we’ll just magic up a grandparent physically fit and willing enough to do a whole week of half days childcare, who is actually able to drive to the school, then. Hmm

He can possibly go back to his current nursery for the week he isn’t in school at all, but the half days are stumping me. I think I probably am being unreasonable to be cross - I realise school is not designed to be childcare, and therefore not run for the convenience of the parents, BUT they must know that parents make assumptions (based on the information on their website!) about the dates of terms and the length of the school day, and make arrangements accordingly. And that this just isn’t feasible for everyone, and if they don’t bloody tell you about it until June then plans (and budgets) for September childcare are already in place! Argh.

OP posts:
Shutityoutart · 21/06/2018 22:14

My ds is summer born and started reception straight into full days. The whole year did. There is no phased starts at our school thank God!

FrancesHaHa · 21/06/2018 22:14

Not standard where we are,straight into full time here. Not sure how working parents are supposed to manage otherwise

tremendous · 21/06/2018 22:14

Ps pay a childminder to collect for you

Lucked · 21/06/2018 22:14

Thankfully our area has completely moved away from this realising that with free nursery hours there are rarely any children who have never been away from home.

We go to full days by day 3.

Gibble1 · 21/06/2018 22:14

Mine are much older now but they had 2 hours a day for 6 weeks. Then a week of full time and then October half term! It was awful. I worked nights and was just getting no sleep at all.
It was stopped after DSs year by the council.

mygrandchildrenrock · 21/06/2018 22:15

Many children have been doing 30 hours at nursery, due to the new government funding, going down to part time seems daft really.

Schools won't change from gradual admissions unless parents complain and ask for full time from the beginning.

kitkatsky · 21/06/2018 22:15

It's annoying but you sacrifice your lunch breaks to take him to childcare and pay full day. That's what most of us sadly have to do Confused

Rocinante1 · 21/06/2018 22:16

For primary 1, our school used to do 1 full weeks of half days, so if school started back on a Thursday, it would be half days for Thursday, Friday, and the full next week.

But this year, they are only offering half days on the Thursday and Friday. It will be full days starting from the Monday, however the Thursday and Friday is only an offer. We can pick them up anytime from 12.30. But we can leave them till 3 if we want. A lot of schools seem to be doing this now, as they are obligated to provide the full day from the beginning so it saves parents from having to argue for it.

They need to provide a place for the full day - whatever policy they choose to try doesn't stop their obligation. Go in to talk and refuse to budge on this.

switswoo81 · 21/06/2018 22:16

I’m in Ireland. All infants (first two years) finish at 1:30 pm ( it’s actually an hour before the rest of school who usually finish between 2:30and 3.

CoffeeOrSleep · 21/06/2018 22:16

Agree, even though it's standard practice, it sucks. For children with 2 working parents, they end up starting school with a selection of different pick up arrangements, and then only get to do their 'normal' childcare in week 3 or 4. It would be much easier for them to do that from week 1, it's only the children with a SAHM or nanny or grandparents doing the care that the staggered start is benefical for.

If I was you, I'd see if you can cancel some of your leave over the summer if you are currently using a nursery, keep your DS in nursery over the summer and use your leave to balance with your DH's shifts so one of you can pick him up on the 2nd week. (Assuming using nursery for week 1).

SandunesAndRainclouds · 21/06/2018 22:17

August born DD2 was half days until EASTER!!! Crazy.

Deshasafraisy · 21/06/2018 22:17

School is not childcare.
They do not have a responsibility to working parents.

NotTakenUsername · 21/06/2018 22:18

I don’t want to be ‘that’ parent

In this situation I understand as it is fairly trivial, but please please be willing to be ‘that’ parent when it comes to advocating for your child. We all have to be ‘that’ parent on occasion. It doesn’t feel great, but sometimes it is required.

DropZoneOne · 21/06/2018 22:18

When my DD started school I took 2 weeks parental leave (I.e. unpaid) in order to cover the staggered start. They said after that the spring and summer born could decide to be part or full time as long as they were full time by Christmas. Needless to say DD was full time the minute I found sort it! She was one of only 3 FT children the first week - she got so much attention from the teacher and TA!

laptopdisaster · 21/06/2018 22:18

You can now insist on full time from day one.

BG2015 · 21/06/2018 22:18

The school I teach in is definitely an exception- our Reception kids are in full time from the first day. No settling in period but parents can use their own judgment if they feel their child may struggle with full time and stagger it - no parents choose to do this though.

Original poster
Worriedaboutdog · 21/06/2018 22:19

It's annoying but you sacrifice your lunch breaks to take him to childcare and pay full day. That's what most of us sadly have to do.
Except I work a 90 minute commute away from the school, and DH doesn’t really get a lunch break - at least not one he can guarantee coincides with pick-up time.

OP posts:
CoffeeOrSleep · 21/06/2018 22:19

oh and put a kindly worded complaint about how unsettling it is for DS to have mixed childcare for the first week of school, when it might be easier for such children to settle straight away. If enough parents complain, or point out it's unsettling, not helping them settle, then by the time your younger DC goes to school, they might have dropped it...

RiverTam · 21/06/2018 22:20

No, school isn’t childcare but schools still appear to operate on the basis that every household has a parent not working out of the home in it, which in 2018 is a nonsense. For the school day/year to have barely changed in decades is insane.

Original poster
Worriedaboutdog · 21/06/2018 22:20

*NotTakenUsername

I know what you mean, and you’re right of course. I suppose I just want to save my gunpowder for anything that might actually affect DS, rather than just inconveniencing us!

OP posts:
The3 · 21/06/2018 22:21

You don’t have to accept it. I was that parent who insisted on full time attendance from the start. Made no difference to the way I have been treated by the school as everyone had forgotten by Christmas. The other working parents were delighted as it solved their childcare problems

StarkDismay · 21/06/2018 22:21

Welcome to school. From Day 1 they set out an agenda that is designed with the best for your child in mind. By going to work and having a job you have already cast doubt about whether YOU have the best for your child in mind. If you cared about your child (and yes, I have had those words used to my face by school, because I was going to struggle to get DC1 to church a driving distance away for 9.30am when my childcare was arranged to walk her to school for the normal starting time of 8.50am) you would be available for each and every minute that the school declares that you should be for your children.

I work nights and weekends to make sure I can be there for all the stuff my kids need me for, and I’ve still had other (non working) mothers from the village judging me for leaving my children overnight, in spite of the fact that I never miss a sports day, parents evening, school play, etc (although I do find myself year on year working over the hell that is the summer fete. Funny that!)

While I am aware that school is not childcare, there is no provision out in place to assist parents in getting extra wrap around childcare once they have left the pre-school setting, therefore I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect that once they’ve started school they actually go for the full span of the school day. From memory once school have offered a place to a child they are obliged to provide it during the normal operating hours of the school, ie you can insist that your child goes for full days from Day 1. Staggered starts are as much about helping the reception teacher cope with a whole class of young children as they are about helping your child settle in. If you’re u really care (and I say that this time with my tongue firmly in cheek) you will have already done much of the work in preparing your child for the excitement of starting school anyway by the time the first day of term comes around.

W0rriedMum · 21/06/2018 22:22

One of mine started 6 weeks after the start of term, and was half days for another week. It was awful - the nursery let her back "to help" for 6 weeks but the shuffling was chronic.
It was so chaotic in that reception class when she started that no-one seemed to realise she and 3 others had shown up..

missmapp · 21/06/2018 22:22

We had a childminder and she collected dc for the half days. Count yourself lucky, they had three weeks of them !! No grandparents or family around so I feel your pain. Costed a bit to cover too.

Mindchilder · 21/06/2018 22:22

These long phased starts are so unsettling for the children.

They go from having a predictable routine, doing 9-3 in preschool for many, to suddenly doing mornings one week, afternoons the next, sometimes going home for lunch, sometimes staying for lunch. Mum dropping off one day, then nanny, then a friend, someone else picking up, dealing with a new childminder.
No wonder they are exhausted starting school - all the chaos and change and unpredictability is bloody tiring!