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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how the heck schools expect working parents to cope with this?

627 replies

Worriedaboutdog · 21/06/2018 21:56

Apologies this may be a rant. DS1 is due to start school in September. We have therefore put childcare plans in place based on him starting school on the first day of term in September. School have just announced that:

a) reception start a week later
And
b) as a summer birthday, DS actually will do half days for another week after that, and ‘must be picked up at 1.30pm’.

No mention of either of these things was made when we looked round the school. We have already juggled the time off we have available to look after him over the summer. As it happens it’s probably easier for us than most parents as DH is a shift worker so can cover some days, but we were relying on him going to school at the beginning of September, and being in after-school club on days DH isn’t at home until I can get there to pick him up. Wtf are parents who both work Monday-Friday meant to do about two extra weeks?! This was all announced today in a meeting (I couldn’t go, because it was at 3.30pm, but DH did), and when he asked the class teacher if they had to go home at lunchtime or could stay and then go to after school club, she said they had to go home and we’d have to get ‘a grandparent or someone’ to pick them up. So we’ll just magic up a grandparent physically fit and willing enough to do a whole week of half days childcare, who is actually able to drive to the school, then. Hmm

He can possibly go back to his current nursery for the week he isn’t in school at all, but the half days are stumping me. I think I probably am being unreasonable to be cross - I realise school is not designed to be childcare, and therefore not run for the convenience of the parents, BUT they must know that parents make assumptions (based on the information on their website!) about the dates of terms and the length of the school day, and make arrangements accordingly. And that this just isn’t feasible for everyone, and if they don’t bloody tell you about it until June then plans (and budgets) for September childcare are already in place! Argh.

OP posts:
RideSallyRide76 · 21/06/2018 22:07

Ours was a real pita this year, started a week later then 2 hours am, 2 hours pm, a lunchtime stay but parents HAD to attend with their child.....and so on. He didn't do a proper day until 24th Sept. luckily for us his dad has very flexible working conditions and my boss/immediate staff team were really understanding and helpful but it's so hard, I sympathise. Any other parents at the school in the same boat? Maybe you could help each other out?

Owletterocks · 21/06/2018 22:07

I don’t know, both of my kids did half days for 2 weeks when they started. It was a pain but we used annual leave and managed it. It’s such a big milestone and they have to be happy in school for a long time. I wouldn’t want to rush it and put them off. I do think then need a bit of a gradual introduction.

CarrotVan · 21/06/2018 22:07

It’s not standard everywhere. DS1 is just finishing reception and started full days from the start. Reception had a different entrance for the first term and then started used the main playground entrance. For kids who are used to full time days at nursery it was no issue at all to manage a much shorter school day.

TheWineDarkSea · 21/06/2018 22:08

It's not unusual but also not standard. My kids had full days but half the class did start one day later than the rest of the school.

This is the sort of thing (first of many) that mins with older kids at the school will know about - it's worth making friends with them!

Original poster
Worriedaboutdog · 21/06/2018 22:08

I don’t know anyone else with children starting at the same school so no friends to ask. 3/4 grandparents are around and reasonably local by not in a position to help really.

And yes! I understand why they do it but would it have been so hard to put a heads-up on the bloody website?! Even if it was just a ‘don’t count your chickens’ thing rather than definite plans, so us clueless first timers knew to expect thisX

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 21/06/2018 22:08

It is annoying.

It is standard.

But it is annoying!

Request Parental Leave from work? Most employers will be reasonable about a one-time event for a couple of weeks.

Agree with PP that you’d better get used to be annoyed by school communication early - it’s tough as a working parent! Ask for the dates of the Christmas Nativity ASAP..,

Namelesswonder · 21/06/2018 22:08

Our after school club ran for afternoons to provide childcare for p1s. We had 2 weeks of half days for the first term, for all children regardless of birth date.

applesandpears56 · 21/06/2018 22:09

Yes request parental leave - (nearly) every parent has a right to a weeks unpaid leave every year until their child is 18. You have to take the week as a week and you can carry weeks over between years using up to 4 in one go.

AlexanderHamilton · 21/06/2018 22:09

My two went full time from day 1.

I actually think staggered starts can be very unsettling, especially to children who are used to full time nursery.

Littlebelina · 21/06/2018 22:09

Ds school just did a day later start for reception and he could go to wrap around care straight away. It was a relief as some schools around here do half days till half term! Or no after school until January for reception. Tis a pain in the area and yanbu.

starryskies78 · 21/06/2018 22:10

Ours didn't start full time til their 4th week. I get it's v hard and there were lots of complaints, but it did seem to help the kids. I agree with posters who say the children are exhausted. It's on a massive level too.

SeriousSimon · 21/06/2018 22:10

It's pretty normal. And the majority of dc will have just done a whole year of half days in nursery so it will be a small amount of people this has a negative impact on.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 21/06/2018 22:10

It's a very, very long time ago now, but I'm pretty sure when I started primary school in 1966 it was full days from the start, and that was at a time when there were lots of SAHMs. The phasing in was nothing like as prolonged as this when my own children started school in the late 90s. They coped well and as far as I'm aware so did I. Probably helped in my children's case that they had already been attending nursery school full-time. There can't be many children starting Reception now who've never been in Early Years.

Good luck, OP.

RiverTam · 21/06/2018 22:11

I got the impression from DD’s Reception teacher that expecting 4 year olds to do a full day of school was really too much. She didn’t deem to realise that a lot of these children had been attending nursery 8-6 for several years.

We have no grandparents (or any other family for that matter) living close enough to do any pick ups so if I’d been working we’d have been stuffed.

I would insist he does a full day from the get-go.

Phineyj · 21/06/2018 22:12

I think this is normal unfortunately and believe it or not you are lucky - our nearest school does a full month of 'settling in'. My neighbour, with twins, was incredibly stressed when she found out and had to put together a complicated timetable of her and her DH working at home, various grandparents, stepson, Uncle Tom Cobley and all to make it work... if the school had actually told her then she would have considered keeping the boys' nursery places until the end of September, but by the time she realised the problem the places had already been filled.

I just cannot understand why schools don't put this information with the dates on their website as a PP suggested. It is so arrogant to assume that first-time parents will know this and I am sure there must have been parents who have lost jobs over this.

I do agree that children get tired when they start school even when they've been in full time nursery. We sent DD private to avoid a whole host of issues like this but she was too exhausted to manage breakfast club and after school club to as well to begin with. But as we could both get to work for most of the day at least, we managed.

The irony is that we are both teachers...

NotTakenUsername · 21/06/2018 22:12

Staggered starts are advisory and not compulsory. You show up on the first day and they won’t turn you away.

Not sure about the end time though. Is it just the younger children, or everyone? If the former I’d just collect him at normal finish time.

Noqont · 21/06/2018 22:12

Can you get time off work for childcare? I guess you don't get paid for that which is a pita, but once it's done it's done. I was lucky as mine went straight in full time.

Mindchilder · 21/06/2018 22:12

School can request this but you can say no.
I would keep him in nursery the extra week if there's space then ask for full days.

I had to do that with my oldest - they wanted summer borns to do an extra week of half days but I couldn't cover it so pushed for full time. He was fine!

Original poster
Worriedaboutdog · 21/06/2018 22:13

No we won’t insist on it. I don’t want to be ‘that’ parent and though I think DS will cope with the time just fine (he’s in nursery 8-6 4 days a week now) I realise it’ll be a bit of a change. He can go to nursery for the first week and the next week DH can probably take a couple of days unpaid leave and I can try to wiggle stuff round a bit so it’s not unsolvable - just very annoying and expensive.

OP posts:
Phineyj · 21/06/2018 22:13

I don't think it's the hours at nursery/school - it's the new people/new carers/uniform/different activities that is exhausting. Just like when you start a new job you feel exhausted for a while processing all the new information.

tremendous · 21/06/2018 22:13

It's normal. It's not for you it's for the children. The teacher has 30 children to get to know many of whom won't have been in a formal setting before. By splitting the class they get time with 15 at a time.

RiverTam · 21/06/2018 22:13

Serious really? Round my way most kids in nursery would have done pretty full days (9-4 or 8-6) since they were toddlers. DD did 8-6 3 day’s a week for over 2 years before starting school.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 21/06/2018 22:13

Meant to say, not all children are knackered when they start Reception. Neither of mine were.

jessicasmummy04 · 21/06/2018 22:14

Yeah they did this with my daughter but then changed the plans for the second week and said if you felt the child was ready could go to full time. My daughter could have gone back to her nursery anytime up til she turned 5 the following April so that remained an option for half term if required..

TopazPolly · 21/06/2018 22:14

I had 6 weeks of this with my first child when she started school 9am to 12pm. Fortunately I was on Mat leave with second child at the time so it wasn't a problem except she was used to being at nursery full days and didn't want to come home from school at lunchtime and moaned that she wanted to stay all day. I think if they are used to 8-6 at private nursery, a school day isn't hard.
You have my sympathy, it's a nightmare to find childcare at short notice like that. Not everyone has lovely willing family members or friends who can pick up the slack.