To ask you if there's any other option than abortion?

[Selladoor]

I realise AIBU is a highly inappropriate place to post this, but I'm booked in for an appointment for a termination of a very early pregnancy this afternoon but I'm posting in a last ditch attempt in case there's some option I've missed.

I was told 5 years ago I was highly unlikely to conceive again. Was ok with this, have one DC with my exH. This was a casual thing with a friend. He'd be there, but wouldnt be able to make much in the way of financial contribution. I have debts, I work FT, can afford to pay everything now and a few humble luxuries. BUT add into the mix childcare costs which I've worked out would be around 700 a month, and I just couldn't cope. So I'd get to the end of my maternity leave and literally not be able to afford to go back to work. Which in turn would mean I couldn't pay the mortgage or meet other financial commitments. Am I missing some obvious option here, anyone have any genius ideas??

All posts welcome, any judgmental comments won't bother or insult me either... water off a ducks back at this point in time!!

In the past if you earned under 42k then you would be better claiming guild care through tax credits rather than vouchers - don't know if this is still true

You should be offered counselling before termination by any of the charity/non profit outfits, bpas, Marie Stopes etc but it is often minimal. if you can pay you can choose someone for about £50 and probably get an appointment within a few days, one session may be enough.
Google therapists near me, or counsellor and your postcode. Speak to them, not email, to get an idea if they sound ok. Make sure they are registered. Some gps have someone at the practice but may be waiting list. Hope it works out how you want it

No advice but wanted to wish you the best of luck in deciding what's best for you.

No advice sorry, but I am glad you delayed. You aren't ready to do it yet.

Best of luck, I hope the choice you make, is best for you and your dc.

If you are in a universal credit area they pay 85% of childcare costs. My partner and I earn around 2700 per month take home we don't qualify for anything other than the childcare part but that is a great help for us. The website entitled to has a calculator you can use.

Although some lodgers are awful, there are also many who come home, head straight to their room and are nice to have around. It might be worth considering. It can be very easy money if it goes well. I have lodged with people before where I've kept myself largely to myself because of wanting quiet. My friend used to have someone for 6 months a year because the lodger worked abroad all summer and they couldn't afford their own place in the winter. So it doesn't have to be full time.

So glad you delayed having an abortion.

Those 3 years will be gone so fast. Actually, it's more close to 2 1/2 years when you knock off your maternity leave. It seems a long time from this side of the fence, but really it's very short.

Could you switch to interest only mortgage for that 2.5-3 year period? That could save you a lot of money.

Life has a funny way of changing, and people cope and manage just fine. I'm sure you will too, you sound like a very capable and resourceful woman. The "if anyone can, you can" type of person.

Yeah from 2 if you claim benefits I think. I think mine would be from 3.

If you went part time would you be eligible from two years? If so, I don't know if the childcare hours would make up for the drop in income in your case, but it'd be worth looking into. I'd definitely get official advice on what you're entitled to.

There are plenty of pro life charities which will help you with the costs ... or so they all say on their posters.

I am a pro choice person , and think that you should give them a call and ask what they suggest . Best of luck whatever you decide .

Some amazing pieces of advice here, thanks again so much to everyone.

From the way I felt at my appointment on Thursday, I think I'm going to keep my baby. I have a good job so once the first few years have zoomed past, I'll be much more comfortable again.

Now I just don't know who I'm more terrified of telling, my parents or my daughter!!!

OP, just want to wish you all the best for the future, you have your head screwed on and I know you will deal with what happens ahead. Things may be rocky as you have wrote for a little time but you will cope.

Glad to hear it sell because you didn’t seem at all happy with the choice but do pursue all the financial and other advice to see if you can catch a break and wishing you all the best too.

Im glad youve found a way op. Having to abort a child you want because of money is an awful place to be :(

I’m glad you have decided OP and you have been very sensible weighing everything up and trying to figure it out first.

I wish you all the best for the future.

Nothing is simple with young kids and finances!

Maybe don’t tell your daughter until you have had the first scan and all is okay?

It will be okay op. So pleased for you!

Best of luck op! X

Good luck Selladoor! I hope everything works out well for you.

Thinking waaaay outside the box here, if you don't want a random lodger and FWB has low earnings, have you considered him moving in to your spare room - as a lodger - for short term? Obviously there are some people who this really wouldn't work for, but would it for you?

He'd then be there to do a fair share of childcare too...

Can you extend the length of your mortgage to reduce your repayments? We did this and it helped a lot! Once your little one is at school you could look into reducing the term if you want to.

Selladoor -glad things are becoming clearer & you are finding your way. All the best!

Just wondering how things worked out? As mentioned, I didn't tell anyone until I really had to so I know how you feel x