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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

SIL posting pictures of my children online without permission

114 replies

Biddymam · 20/06/2018 05:53

My SIL is always posting pictures on Facebook of my children. AIBU to think she should ask before posting? I’m off the opinion she does it for the likes on Facebook. My husband refuses to confront her on this and I know if I do I’ll be the worst in the world. How do you handle these situations without a major fall out

OP posts:

ragingmentalist · 20/06/2018 09:14

You either do or you don't but OP has the right to control her children's image?

For the record, no one has the 'right' to control any image (photo).

Hence why people take public photo's all the time.

Do the curtains twitch in your house when someone takes photo's in the public park too?

tripYouOut · 20/06/2018 09:15

I couldn't bring myself to care.

"doing it for likes"

Are you 12?

moofolk · 20/06/2018 09:19

Everyone has different rules about kids on social media and 100% ok for you to set the rule about your kids and ask other people to stick to that.

It's very unlikely that she has any idea you have an issue with it if you haven't told her.

Firesuit · 20/06/2018 09:23

Clearly a lot of people would like to own their image, and have control of images of their minor children. Perhaps one day there will be a law that allows people more rights to restrict the use of any photo they are in that they don't own.

LuMarie · 20/06/2018 09:26

@ragingmentalist

If someone staring taking photos of a stranger's child in a public place, do you really think that would be socially acceptable?

Or more likely, would every other adult anywhere near completely kick off and possible call the police

Summersorcherisjustsummer · 20/06/2018 09:27

She is one of these people that has a million Facebook friends and this is my main issue, who knows what random person is viewing my kids

Yes ^^ . Of course its not acceptable.

However these things are more prevalent to parents who hear it all the time at school " don't post on social media" etc. I would try and be kind about it come at it from something like " sil we have had a meeting at school about dc pics on facebook and the dangers, I hope you dont mind me asking but are the settings for close friends only and I wonder if you would like private family group instead?

NomNomNomNom · 20/06/2018 09:29

Why not just tell her you don't want her posting pictures? My family and friends often post pictures of each other's kids and no-one ever asks permission. I know one persons who doesn't want pictures of her children on social media and she makes a point of letting everyone know this (and we all respect this and don't post pictures with her kids in). If you haven't said anything the assumption is as long as you have good security settings it's fine.

IIIustriousIyIIlogical · 20/06/2018 09:31

Their children, their rules.

Actually, her photo's her rules.

Toomanydecisions · 20/06/2018 09:32

@Firesuit I meant justifying to Mumsnet, not to her SIL.

@ragingmentalist I will explain further, I am one of those crazy people who believe that parents should be able to make the final decision about their children. Not 'right' in the legal sense of the word. And no I can't see a park when I 'twitch my curtains'.

GoatYoga · 20/06/2018 09:33

spatchcock our images are everywhere unless we never leave the house - if people want to use imagines for nefarious reasons they don’t need to get them from Facebook.

Toomanydecisions · 20/06/2018 09:33

To add:

And I do understand they are her photos and she can do what she wants with them. Maybe I've just been lucky that my friends/family all understand and have just taken them down.

ragingmentalist · 20/06/2018 09:33

*@ragingmentalist

If someone staring taking photos of a stranger's child in a public place, do you really think that would be socially acceptable?

Or more likely, would every other adult anywhere near completely kick off and possible call the police*

You can call whoever you like, it's not illegal to take photos of people in public (children or not).

And yes, of course I think it's socially acceptable to do it, in 99.99999999999% of situations. There have been some incredible images of humans captured over time.

But them i'm not a paranoid curtain twitching Daily Mail reader who believes there is a child abducter on every street corner or public park in the UK.

Floottoot · 20/06/2018 09:35

Juells, the reason I'd removed her in the first place was to do with her controlling behaviour over a number of years. I actually didn't want her DD in the photos, which were intended to be of my DD and 2 of her best friends, but her DD made sure she was in them. If I'd have asked her not to be, that would have been wrong too.
Clearly, context is everything, but I'm not going to list all the ways in which this person tried to get me to dance to her tune over the years. No delight taken in any aspect of my involvement with her, I can assure you. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on who was BU.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/06/2018 09:35

What is it that you're worried about regarding these millions of Facebook friends of SIL seeing your children's photo?

GoatYoga · 20/06/2018 09:35

Lou Marie “If someone staring taking photos of a stranger's child in a public place, do you really think that would be socially acceptable”

How would you know? It’s very easy to take a picture and for the subject and those in the vicinity to have absolutely no idea.

Toomanydecisions · 20/06/2018 09:38

*@ragingmentalist *
But them i'm not a paranoid curtain twitching Daily Mail reader who believes there is a child abducter on every street corner or public park in the UK.

Personally, this is not the reason why I don't post my DD on social media. So I think you need to understand that people have many different reasons why they don't, it's not just about child abductors.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 20/06/2018 09:40

My BIL has complained about my putting pictures of my nephew on SM in the past. My DSis is fine with it and has said so herself. I'm not going to listen to BIL when the person I'm actually related to says it's ok.

Are you sure your DH (or is it your brothers wife?) Isn't saying it's ok?

Firesuit · 20/06/2018 09:41

I meant justifying to Mumsnet, not to her SIL.

Mumsnet can see that it's going to cost the SIL something to be prevented from doing what she wants to do, so OP has to show a cost of the photos being posted that outweighs that. (Or, if is just a wish that can't rationally be explained, hope that enough people feel the same way that they vote her way.)

IIIustriousIyIIlogical · 20/06/2018 09:41

If someone staring taking photos of a stranger's child in a public place, do you really think that would be socially acceptable?

People do it all the time. "Urban Life" stills is a category in my Camera Club. 75% of which are taken "covertly" - they're snapshots of life.

As long as they're not taken with a zoom lens whilst you're somewhere private, there's nothing you can do about it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/06/2018 09:42

What reason did your BIL give, Hunter?

MumofBoysx2 · 20/06/2018 09:44

It's not really on, to post pics without asking, especially of children. Ask her to take them down and just tell her that you don't want any other photos posted. I think there is a way you can do that through FB itself as well.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 20/06/2018 09:44

He didn't! He's pretty controlling and doesn't like the fact that he can't control me so it was a power play.

Thinking about it, I'm amazed that my sister didn't just agree with him.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 20/06/2018 09:48

I don't understand this need to explain why the OP doesn't want the photos on social media? Not everyone chooses to live their life online so they don't put photos on. I would personally never feel the need to justify why I don't

This. YADNBU, OP.

Toomanydecisions · 20/06/2018 09:49

@Firesuit I think I get what you're getting at. You feel you need all the information, whereas to advise whereas I have made a snap decision because I would be of the same opinion as the OP?

LagunaBubbles · 20/06/2018 09:54

this is my main issue, who knows what random person is viewing my kids

Random people see my children every time they go out of the house. Most of which have zero interest in them unless they know them and want to talk to them. I would imagine the same applies to the "random" people on your SILs FB that see pictures of your children. What is your worry about people seeing pictures of your children?

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