SIL posting pictures of my children online without permission

[Biddymam]

My SIL is always posting pictures on Facebook of my children. AIBU to think she should ask before posting? I’m off the opinion she does it for the likes on Facebook. My husband refuses to confront her on this and I know if I do I’ll be the worst in the world. How do you handle these situations without a major fall out

DO you post them yourself on facebook and have you ever told her directly you dont like it?

"Cambridge Analytica was nothing to do with posting of photos, it was the use of data of account holders."

Do you honestly lack the imagination to think that maybe, if the data was used for nefarious reasons, photos might be too, one day?

Facebook's facial recognition software was at one point better than the CIA's, if you think this technology will always be used for benign purposes you are naive.

I really don't understand why so many people have willingly given up their data to this huge company.

No one knows what will happen, that's the point. That's why it's better to keep children off Facebook, no matter what your settings. How many of us predicted the Cambridge Analytica mess?

What do you possibly think is going to happen from an untagged photo of a child, most likely with others, in a picture, on the internet?

It's weird people turn into such drama llama's, over literally nothing.

@BIWI

This is a very passive aggressive way of saying it though.

It's a way that polite people try to avoid confrontation with difficult people. It doesn't work because the difficult people don't give a shit about what anyone else wants, and they carry on regardless.

My in laws are difficult to deal with

When dealing with difficult people it's helpful to be even more difficult. They'll be a pain in the arse no matter what you do, so you might as well not be too obliging.

It's weird people turn into such drama llama's, over literally nothing.

Their children, their rules. How hard is it not to post photos if a parent asks you not to?

I think you and your husband together should tell her outright that you don't want your children's photos on social media.
If she still carries on then you have to decide if you want to take further action, such as limiting contact.

I had a similar issue with a school mum. I'd previously removed her from my FB friends but she presumably hadn't realised. In the meantime, I posted a couple of photos of my DD and her friends on a birthday day out.
School mum contacted me to say she " had been informed" that I'd done so and please would I send her the photos. When I didn't ( I didn't refuse, just didn't get round to it), she sent me another message to say that she was not happy that other people could see photos she couldn't. So, I said I'd delete them, which I did...but she wasn't happy about that, either.
In her case, it was clearly all passive aggressive crap because she wasn't happy I'd taken control, first by removing her from my profile, and secondly, by removing the photos rather than giving them to her, as she'd ordered me to.
She posted photos of her children on SM, and one of them was frequently photographed in the local newspaper, with his first name and a sports uniform, so I knew privacy wasn't the issue.

OP, are you sure it isn't a control thing in your relationship with your SiL?

What do you possibly think is going to happen from an untagged photo of a child, most likely with others, in a picture, on the internet?

When the child is older, if he or she chooses to have their own social media account, facial recognition technology will find and link pictures of them as children to their own profile. Even if this is not published, it becomes part of the child's online footprint, and potentially searchable by anyone searching for the child. It is not something the child has chosen, they might be embarrassing photos, or they might just not want them.

It is not a right to post photos online. OP, Report them anonymously to Facebook as the poster does not have permission to post them. And have a word. Talk about data privacy and so on. It's not a small issue!

In her case, it was clearly all passive aggressive crap because she wasn't happy I'd taken control, first by removing her from my profile, and secondly, by removing the photos rather than giving them to her, as she'd ordered me to.

The passive aggression was your refusal to show her the photos for no reason at all, apart from rubbing her nose in the fact that you'd unfriended her.

"When the child is older, if he or she chooses to have their own social media account, facial recognition technology will find and link pictures of them as children to their own profile. Even if this is not published, it becomes part of the child's online footprint, and potentially searchable by anyone searching for the child. It is not something the child has chosen, they might be embarrassing photos, or they might just not want them."

This technology is already here and widely reported on - I'm surprised a lot of people can't make this reach themselves instead of asking "what will happen?" We're only at the beginning, too.

So what of people look at pictures, hundreds of people see them every day. What's the difference?

When the child is older, if he or she chooses to have their own social media account, facial recognition technology will find and link pictures of them as children to their own profile. Even if this is not published, it becomes part of the child's online footprint, and potentially searchable by anyone searching for the child. It is not something the child has chosen, they might be embarrassing photos, or they might just not want them.

A lot of hearsay. You know, even now you have the ability to lock down you account to a level you are comfortable with? The sheer amount of data over each & every one of us out there makes a few pictures totally insignificant.

If you're worried about your digital footprint & the data people hold on you, i'd be more worried about the NHS & UK Government selling your actual sensitive personal data (medial included) to all & sundry, rather than Facebook using your data to target advertise you more specifically.

Total non issue. If I have friends who get all ranty about photo's online, i'd be seriously re-evaluating my friendship with them, They need to get a grip on reality.

flootroot thats awful on your part. You removed her and then posted pics of her children and you call her passive aggressive

"A lot of hearsay. You know, even now you have the ability to lock down you account to a level you are comfortable with? The sheer amount of data over each & every one of us out there makes a few pictures totally insignificant."

Facebook owns everything you post, how is locking it down going to do anything? How do you know what Facebook will look like in the future? Zuckerberg doesn't even know - do you think he had any idea what was going to happen with the US elections?!

"If you're worried about your digital footprint & the data people hold on you, i'd be more worried about the NHS & UK Government selling your actual sensitive personal data (medial included) to all & sundry, rather than Facebook using your data to target advertise you more specifically."

Can't we worry about both?

Juells, how did I rub her nose in it? I had removed her some months before and steered clear of her at the school gate.
The photos were of a group of girls, not just her DD and I didn't refuse to send them to her - I hadn't got round to it when she messaged me again a day or 2 later.
I felt she was being passive aggressive because it only became an issue of privacy when she contacted me the second time; initially, she simply said her DD would like them. We had FB friends in common who were tagged in the photos, so she would have seen them on their feed.

Ultimately, she told me she was unhappy that I'd put the photos up,for privacy reasons, so I deleted them.

So what's the problem with having a digital footprint when one is older? Can someone please explain to a luddite in simple terms why that matters? What bad stuff will come of it?

@Floottoot - I'm passive aggressive, but at least I acknowledge the fact. You got great satisfaction in deleting those photos because she 'ordered' you to let her see them. Where's the 'ordered' in this?
"please would I send her the photos. When I didn't ( I didn't refuse, just didn't get round to it), she sent me another message to say that she was not happy that other people could see photos she couldn't."

The relevant words in your post AFAICS are I'd taken control

You refused to allow her to have any control in the situation, because you wanted it all.

I don't put pics of my kids on SM for a number of reasons, but when talking to people about it, I usually just explain that when the time comes to talk to my children about internet safety, it would be hypocritical of me to tell them not to share images because you don't know where they'll end up if I've been doing exactly that for years without their consent. Plus I would hate it if my embarrassing pics were online... and my teenage bullies would have had a field day with it. At the end of the day, pics on fb don't benefit my lot in any way, and do have the potential to cause harm to them, so that comes above my desire to bore people with pics of my beautiful kids!

"So what's the problem with having a digital footprint when one is older?"

No one knows exactly. But there is risk of identity theft, and lack of control over your personal data could affect your ability to get a mortgage, gain university admission, obtain a job, get private health insurance - in ways we can't anticipate. Even if those things don't happen we don't really know the effect that having this information out there has on our mental health.

I don't understand this need to explain why the OP doesn't want the photos on social media? Not everyone chooses to live their life online so they don't put photos on. I would personally never feel the need to justify why I don't.

This comes up a lot in these threads and seems to be people justifying why they put photos up 'because what would happen?'. Surely it doesn't matter? You either do or you don't but OP has the right to control her children's image?

"What bad stuff will come of it?"

All I can say is, if five years ago you'd predicted that the Russians would use Facebook to win the US election for Donald Trump, you would've been a laughing stock.

Really, anything is possible and personally I'd rather err on the side of caution, because what is the worst that's going to happen for me/my children if I post nothing?

tell her to take them down if you are not comfortable with them. My kids are not on FB and my family know not to post any pictures of them on fb too.

My brothers GF posted some pics on her fb of his kids ( her step kids) and the mum found out and went mad. They were just ones playing in a park.. She even went and reported to police! Which was subsequently toldv if she owned/taken the photos herself there was nothing that could be done.
And also his GF settings aren't to public etc.. It was a friend of a friend who told her they were on there.

My brothers GF posted some pics on her fb of his kids ( her step kids) and the mum found out and went mad.

They're not her step kids though, are they? She's their father's girl friend, so no relation to the children at all. No wonder the mother was annoyed.

I don't understand this need to explain why the OP doesn't want the photos on social media?

The photos in question do not belong to the OP, they belong to the poster who has a right to post them. If the OP wants to prevent someone doing something with their property that they have a right to do, she has to come up with a reason that convinces them.