to think that this was incredibly rude?

[AfricaA]

Just got on the train to go home. 30 minute commute. I'm 20 weeks pregnant, have been sat down for the best part of 9 hours, and chose to stand up on the train. The idea of sitting down boxed in having to worry about wrestling my way off at my stop scares me a bit and I would rather just stand by the door.

There's a woman sat directly behind me who offered me her seat. Lovely but I declined. She then mumbled the the woman next to her 'well don't blame me if you fall over and hurt your baby' to which I'm fairly sure the other woman then proceeded to call me irresponsible.

AIBU to think that at 20 weeks with a relatively small bump, very good balance, a bar to hold on to as well as a wall to perch against, that I am perfectly safe in standing up. I have haemorrhoids and could use a break from sitting on my area all day!

Or am I completely irresponsible woman for choosing to stand?

*arse more like!

They’re nosey idiots. I used to respond “I’m not pregnant” when heavily pregnant and offered a seat on the tube. People would look so embarrassed! It made me laugh.

candy I don't mind in the slightest being offered a seat and there are some days that I really do need it! Today just wasn't one of them. I'm amazed at how many people are looking at me in disbelief that I'm dating to stand on a moving (very slow moving may I add) vehicle!

Why would anyone ever say that? Seems strange

Eh? How did they know you were actually pregnant at 20 weeks, and not just a bit porky? In answer to your question, yes, they were very rude!

Just ignore them, they're obviously quite ignorant about pregnancy.
Yes, the first woman's comments were rude and the second woman is talking bollocks.
You continue to use your intuition and you'll be fine.
Good luck with your pregnancy, labour and future life.

Actually you should have said "thanks for the offer, but sitting down aggravates my piles!"

brutus I have a bump. I'm a size 8 so whilst it's not huge it's a definite baby bump!

182 absolutely no idea!

Hmmm candy ever wonder why you feel the need to embarrass someone who was just trying to be nice? They probably didn’t offer a seat to the next heavily pregnant woman who was desperate for a seat.

Gah. People and their shitty entitled view that they can say why they like to pregnant women...

zebra just to clarify I was extremely polite and smiled when I said 'no thanks' - I would also always offer a seat to a pregnant woman however if they said no I just wouldn't feel the need to be rude about it.

You sound like a mega dick, Candy. Op, they were trying to be helpful, you'd have whinged if you'd wanted a seat and they hadn't offered.

you cant win really can you? you offer someone a seat your seen as a noisy idiot, you dont offer a seat your seen as a rude idiot!

@africa sorry I am sure you were, my post was directed at @candy.

Butterfly - they weren't rude for offering their seats (in fact it's obviously a kind gesture), but they were rude in their responses when the op declined.

I’d have replied ‘sorry, what did you say?’ to her weird, passive aggressive comment.

Get ready for another few years of constant judgment and unsolicited advise from strangers about every tiny aspect of your pregnancy and small baby op. I could write a book on all the people I had tell me I was doing something wrong when out with my baby.

It was lovely that she offered and she probably felt a bit embarrassed in front of her friend at her kindness being rebuffed.

Very rude and uncalled for, though.

Iama I'm regularly not offered a seat and have not once whinged. I don't REALLY need one just yet. It's only half an hour and thankfully I don't have any major issues that require me to sit down, other than being a bit tired. If I was 37 weeks and huge and nobody offered me a seat I would have asked for one.

I was extremely polite and declined the seat because I didn't need it, or want it. I wasn't rude and I genuinely appreciated the offer. They responded extremely rudely even though I had been kind.

butterfly they were extremely nice to offer their seat, I have ever right to say 'thanks, but no thanks' - are you saying I should have sat down?

People always seem to think they know best if you are pregnant!

YANBU, you know when you would benefit from sitting down. It irritates me a bit when people insist on treating pregnant women as ill or breakable.

Hmm, I do kind of berate people who think it's ok to let a pregnant woman stand (when it comes up in conversation etc). Some people (usually men I'm afraid) take the attitude of "she's pregnant not ill" kind of thing, and my argument back is always that if the train had to make a sudden stop and the woman fell, it could harm the baby. However I can totally see it from your perspective too. I don't think it was necessary for the woman to make that comment. So yes she was being rude.

Could you maybe have sounded annoyed without meaning to? That's the only other reason I can think of.

But yeah, she's probably just rude and strange!

sorry my response was to candy. however i think you could have worded it better. so "im ok standing thanks."

I'm absolutely fine! I go to the gym 5 times a week and weight train, am still running every other morning before work, swim every weekend, so I'm fairly confident in standing up on a slow moving train where I have a wall to lean on and a bar to hold on to. It was just the insinuation that I was putting my baby at risk that bothered me. I actually think I did pretty well to only give her an eye roll and not a mouthful!