to think that this was incredibly rude?

[AfricaA]

Just got on the train to go home. 30 minute commute. I'm 20 weeks pregnant, have been sat down for the best part of 9 hours, and chose to stand up on the train. The idea of sitting down boxed in having to worry about wrestling my way off at my stop scares me a bit and I would rather just stand by the door.

There's a woman sat directly behind me who offered me her seat. Lovely but I declined. She then mumbled the the woman next to her 'well don't blame me if you fall over and hurt your baby' to which I'm fairly sure the other woman then proceeded to call me irresponsible.

AIBU to think that at 20 weeks with a relatively small bump, very good balance, a bar to hold on to as well as a wall to perch against, that I am perfectly safe in standing up. I have haemorrhoids and could use a break from sitting on my area all day!

Or am I completely irresponsible woman for choosing to stand?

no thanks can come off the wrong way sometimes i think maybe you sounded rude without meaning to.

butterfly but when did wording something wrong become an excuse to be a nasty person? I actually said 'oh no thanks, I've been sat down all day!' I smiled and that was that. Would it be better if I said 'oh no I'm happy to stand but thank you so much for your martyrdom' ?

If someone said 'no thanks' to me in this situation I still wouldn't dream of making a rude sarcastic comment towards them

Butterflykissess I agree with that. “No thanks” is all about tone and interpretation.

“Thank you so much for offering - but I’m more comfortable standing.”

'oh no thanks, I've been sat down all day!' I smiled and that was that.

Nothing ambiguous there - train lady was a twat!

nottaken I said 'oh no thanks, I've been sat down all day' with a smile. I don't see how anyone can see anything wrong in that? I was perfectly polite.

sorry x post

in your other post you just said you said "no thanks" which is why i said that can come off wrong sometimes. never said it was ok just that you may have sounded rude without realising.

Fair enough butterfly

I often chose to stand too. Sitting gave me hip pain and it was only a short tube ride. Someone once pushed past 3 other people to berate the person sitting in the priority seat to stand up.

I'm afraid I was quite short with her and said I was not only happy standing but also perfectly capable of asking for a seat if I wanted. People live to interfere.

dappled I have no issue in pregnant women needing to sit, sometimes I do when I have round ligament pain - I have it quite severely sometimes. It was just hurtful to be made to feel like I was putting my baby at risk.

Sounds like the woman thought she was a hero for offering her seat and was pissed off you didn't take it. I'm about the most risk averse person in the world and dialled it up even more during pregnancy (I returned my steak twice in one restaurant because I thought I could see a tiny speck of pink which might give my baby toxoplasmosis) but even I think that's totally safe.

At age 17, I offered a heavily pregnant woman my seat on the bus. She declined saying it was more comfortable to stand. I asked if she was sure and she said she was. Didn't stop anyone else from giving me the evils though! Nobody else offered though.

AfricaA Oh I'm agreeing with you. Just another example of strangers thinking they know better than you

Eh? How did they know you were actually pregnant at 20 weeks

I'm slightly baffled at this too...especially if you are very fit and have good core muscles.

She must have been closely examining every woman that boarded

shegot because I'm nearly 21 weeks and have a bump it's small but obvious!

They were rude once you declined but wow at candy. Mocking and embarrassing people who kindly offer a pregnant women a seat. Is there nothing better in your life?

She was rude. I have offered my seat to a pregnant woman before and it was refused. I didn't think anything of it. I did what I thought was right once I noticed she was pregnant in offering her my seat but if she didn't want my seat, I wouldn't be offended or worry about her falling.

Always amazes me how many posters are simply incapable of reading and comprehending a simple post.

OP was not upset at being offered a seat. She was bemused at being accused of being irresponsible and risking her baby by refusing a seat.

Some people (usually men I'm afraid) take the attitude of "she's pregnant not ill"

And they'd be right.

Maybe they've enough respect that she's still got a mind of her own, and she's capable of making her own choices?

Exactly torn and palli I'm pregnant not sick! I'm running a 5k on Sunday and don't dare tell anyone in case they think the baby might fall out!

Pregnancy is uncomfortable and it's common courtesy to offer a seat as sadly pregnancy does make some women feel unwell or unable to stand for long periods. I'm just not one of those women. I'm sure I will be in a few weeks time!

I would have loudly explained about the haemorrhoids and them get red in the face.

mimi I think I would've gone red in the face too haha!

You really shouldn't run a 5k. The baby might fall out.

Do a handstand for the last 100 yards and you'll be fine!

Some people (usually men I'm afraid) take the attitude of "she's pregnant not ill"

And they'd be right.

Maybe they've enough respect that she's still got a mind of her own, and she's capable of making her own choices?

Isn’t that a reason to accept their having declined? The poster above was complaining about people (men) who won’t offer.

Yanbu op. They were very rude.