to think that this was incredibly rude?

[AfricaA]

Just got on the train to go home. 30 minute commute. I'm 20 weeks pregnant, have been sat down for the best part of 9 hours, and chose to stand up on the train. The idea of sitting down boxed in having to worry about wrestling my way off at my stop scares me a bit and I would rather just stand by the door.

There's a woman sat directly behind me who offered me her seat. Lovely but I declined. She then mumbled the the woman next to her 'well don't blame me if you fall over and hurt your baby' to which I'm fairly sure the other woman then proceeded to call me irresponsible.

AIBU to think that at 20 weeks with a relatively small bump, very good balance, a bar to hold on to as well as a wall to perch against, that I am perfectly safe in standing up. I have haemorrhoids and could use a break from sitting on my area all day!

Or am I completely irresponsible woman for choosing to stand?

daily har har

Of course it would be wrong to effectively force a pregnant to stand if she required a seat, but not so to let her stand if she chooses to do so.

The people in this incident just did like that she'd chosen to stand.

Personally I am surprised if it's mostly men who think forcing a lady to stand is ok. I think most men are extremely chivalrous to pregnant women (but perhaps I am wrong, I'm male).

torn I find that most people regardless of their sex are pretty kind and offer a seat. I find however that the first to offer are usually young men!

What's everyone's opinion on not offering and only moving when asked?

I always get confused... should I offer or do I wait til asked? .
My wife when pregnant said she preferred people to offer then her ask.

siwel doesn't really bother me either way.

I always panic .
I don't want to seem rude and uncaring and put the person in an awkward position of having to pick someone to ask.
But I also know pregnant women still have a brain and can make decisions of whether they want a seat or not

I always ask, unless it's obvious there are lots of other empty spaces and the lady has elected to stand.

I couldn't live with not having asked!

The actual comment was rude but People can't win.... they get shunned if they offer their seats and upset people if they don't. I didn't get a single person help me in either of my pregnancies, sometimes when I did really need some help...assume it was because they thought I'd say No, I'm only pregnant, not ill.

I think I would have said 'oh I've been sitting all day, but that's very kind of You'.

It's amazing how many first time posters seem to have encountered bizarre situations.

@MollyHuaCha I'm not a first time poster.

the actual comment was rude but People can't win.... they get shunned if they offer their seats

No they don't. They get a polite "oh no thank you very much, I'm fine". What do you want - that you MUST take a seat if offered otherwise people don't win?

I think I would have said 'oh I've been sitting all day, but that's very kind of You'.

how do you know that isn't what the OP said? She hardly said "I decline" but more likely said something along the lines of what you suggested.

I'm with butterfly. Dammed if you do dammed if you don't. You can't win in this life

The whole damned if you do damned if you don't literally had nothing to do with this thread. People have taken my original issue and ended up talking about something entirely different as per on mn!

The point was about people assuming that standing was a bad thing, and that she was knowing putting her baby at risk. It was arrogant and presumptious to assuming a grown woman couldn't make her own choice to stand, but instead needed 'expert' advice on how best to take care for her baby (essentially she MUST sit down on public transport as detailed in no medical journal ever)

Why would anyone ever say that? Seems strange

Because of the fuss a lot of others make over being entitled to seats maybe?

The whole damned if you do damned if you don't literally had nothing to do with this thread. People have taken my original issue and ended up talking about something entirely different hmm as per on mn!

MN makes me understand how so many people fail comprehension tests.

pallisers absolutely!

Even if you'd just said No thanks. That's polite enough. You smiled. You don't owe a total stranger chapter and verse about why you don't want to accept their kind but unwanted offer.

They could have decided to politely not make shitty comments. They didn't.

Something about pregnancy seems to render pregnant women everybody's property. Tell her about your piles next time.

I think you needed to explain you'd been sat down all day, otherwise it seems rude.

They’re nosey idiots. I used to respond “I’m not pregnant” when heavily pregnant and offered a seat on the tube. People would look so embarrassed! It made me laugh.

Nice.

This kind of stuff really cheeses me off.
It’s great to be offered a seat because sometimes you need it. However, the response when you politely declined was ridiculous.
You are pregnant, you haven’t lost your facilities. You are very capable of evaluating risk and deciding what is best for you. YANBU - I’d be pissed about their response too. X

pollymere She did! She said "I said 'oh no thanks, I've been sat down all day' with a smile. I don't see how anyone can see anything wrong in that? I was perfectly polite."

Probably pissed off their ego by not making them look generous for giving up their seat for you

You have my support