To feel shit Picking my baby up from nursery

[lisabeesa]

My baby loves nursery. When we pick him up he either looks straight through us as if we are not there or runs away. We always have to catch him to get him.

Today he ran away then my husband picked him up and he started bucking and crying. Then when we got him outside and put him down he ran back over to the door crying trying to open it to get back in

AIBU to be worried/ pissed about this?

Once we are home he is fine but it's bloody embarrassing!!!

Tell me I'm not the only one please

This is standard baby behaviour! You spend all day feeling guilty for leaving them then when you pick them up they act like they don’t want to go home! Both mine do this, and my mum says I used to do it.

Sounds pretty normal. I'd see that as a good thing tbh! At least your baby is happy there, the opposite would be way worse.

I just worry that it "means" something, maybe the nursery staff think something sinister etc etc

It doesn't help that when I take my eldest son along he runs to him with open arms

Yup definitely a phase - can’t get them in, can’t get them out!

Mine always cried going in and had to be handed over. Then at pick up I'd be chasing them around the room to get them out - totally normal

It's very normal for a child to display some detachment from the parent after being separated. This is part of separation anxiety. The nursery staff should be familiar with separation anxiety and should not see it as anything sinister.

If there were true abuse going on, it would usually be displayed in your son's actions and appearance all the time he is at nursery, not just when he is going home.

I think it's quite normal actually. My DD went through a phase of this and that's what I was told anyway.

Definitely not the only one! Great that he loves it there.

It’s normal behaviour I work in a nursery in the baby room and at least half of them do it. My dd was the same she screamed going in and screamed going out. Don’t worry the staff won’t think anything of it.

Agnurse and rocknrolla why do they do it though?

I've just googled it and it came out with all sorts of trauma emotionally detached junk

I work in a nursery, this is very common and the staff won't think badly of you at all! I know it's horrible for you but try not to worry.

im glad you posted this. my autistic 7 year old does this and its does make me feel shit and i also worried about the sinister thing like they will think she doesnt want to come home!! its good to see its not just my DC as ive never seen any other children doing it they all look happy to be Finally going home.

It usually just means children are engaged in something they enjoy and are not ready to leave it when their parents turn up. The nursery workers won't be concerned at that. If they did have concerns about your relationship with your it would be because he was upset with you all the time - at drop off as well.

DD7 rolls her eyes when I pick her up from childcare now! It's just kids making you feel guilty for working. These days I just pat myself on the back for choosing such a lovely childcare environment for her to spend time when I have to work

It means you chose a nice nursery and you have a DS who is securely attached to you and independent.

Also lots of young children struggle with transitions so that might be a part of it too. Could you stay and play for a few minutes to help him transition? (Not sure if nursery would allow it).

Sorry for context he's 23mo and been going to nursery just under a year. He is not bothered whatsoever when I drop him off and I never get a kiss and drop off either

Creche worker here and yes it’s normal. Lots of kids do it and I’ve never seen it raised as a concern by any practitioner. There would have to be other concerns for this to be a worry. As to why - often they’re just enjoying themselves and see it not as a choice between going home with you or playing with their friends but more as a choice between a boring car journey and playing with their friends. Most young kids don’t think further than the immediate future.

What about an immediate treat occasionally after collection - like a trip to the park or the ice cream shop? Or going home to a treat like playing their favorite game? Something to make it less routine for them?

To be honest I do actually feel like he likes me the least of anybody including my husband and the other kids

If I am the only one available he will take me but if there is another choice then he will always go to someone else

My middle son hated leaving nursery because it meant he had to take the dressing up outfit off he commandeered every day. And it meant he had to stop playing and having fun and come home to do boring stuff like dinner and a bath. So yes standard behaviour for a child of pre school age.

Pfeew, he sounds happy! Game on amigos.

I thought children who didn’t rush to parents were the ones with good secure attachment, and insecurely attached children don’t cope with parents being away and cling to them as soon as they get back?

Pretty sure it’s a good thing that he is coping well a nursery, however bad it makes you feel.

He doesn’t like you less . You are his security for exploring the world.

I frequently carry a crying wailing child out of his childminders! He hates leaving - though some days will just say bye and come out quietly. No idea why.

I'm reading all about attachment types and I feel worse now!!!

A toddler who is securely attached to his or her parent (or other familiar caregiver) will explore freely while the caregiver is present, typically engages with strangers, is often visibly upset when the caregiver departs, and is generally happy to see the caregiver return.

He's not upset when I leave or happy to see me return