To be pissed off about not being invited to Xmas do?

[GunpowderGelatine]

Or am I being sensitive?

In previous Christmas Do's at my job we have always invited former staff who've remained close to everyone.

I'm leaving my job in September to start work in my DD's School. The organiser of the Christmas Do at my current workplace, I strongly suspect, dislikes me. She's quite a bit younger than me and very forceful when it comes to asking people to join in with non-work things. She's one of those who says "I'm not asking, I'm telling" So far this year she's got really pissy when I've refused to -

• do a 5km obstacle course thing, which cost £70 to enrol on
• go on a 'day sesh' (whatever that is) to a city 50 miles away on a Saturday all day
• bake a cake for the charity bake sale she decided we were having (for clarity i am utterly shit at baking and stuck a tenner in the pot instead).

I have 2 very small children, no nearby support and a husband who works most weekends, so when I do ask him to take time off so I can do something it's usually for something I really want to do, like a friends birthday, not a 'day sesh' or obstacle course with colleagues.

Anyway she is organising this year's Christmas do and left me off the invite list. Fair enough, I am leaving, but the colleagues in my office asked if I still wanted to come and I said yes as I am good friends with them. They emailed this lady (who works on the same floor, different office) asking to include Gunpowder and she replied to say "no, current staff only". To clarify, she isn't senior or above any of us.

AIBU to be fucked off that she gets to decide this presumably based on personal dislike, rather than anything else? Former colleagues have always joined us on the Christmas do's (ones she's been friendly with) or am I being sensitive?

Maybe she thinks if you didnt want to get involved with company stuff as an actual employee then why the fuck would you be entitled to have a free piss up when you no longer work there?

Maybe someone higher up has said only current employees from now on?

Is the work do paid for or subsidised by your employer? I can see why there would be an issue if so. If not then I would ask her directly as it would be a good chance to catch up with friends after leaving.

Is the guest list entirely up to her? Surely some of your colleagues could question this.

Yabu, youbate leaving and will no longer be staff, organise something with your ex colleagues yourself

Are work paying or are you paying?

Is this a work paid for event? Or you all pay for yourselves? If you pay for it yourself organise your own Xmas event and then go to that with your old colleague's. They can drop out of her one and you get to see them.

Yabu to expect an invite to a company do when you no longer work for them

Are you David Brent?

To be fair you have made it loud and clear that you haven't wanted to do anything with them while you were there. You would have been gone 3 months by the time its Christmas. You really are giving out mixed messages!

YABU. Christmas do = current employees only.

YABU.

Why would you be invited to a work Christmas do when you are not employed by the company?

Are the other ex employees invited?

You're leaving and it doesn't sound like you want to do much with them.

If some people are friends as well as colleagues, you can arrange to meet them on your own time and not at a company event surely?

YANBU it sounds like this is just an unofficial xmas do she's organising where ex-employees regularly attend so there's no reason you shouldn't especially since everyone else would like to see you. She sounds like she takes being the unofficial social secretary very seriously.

Also I've worked in places where ex-employees regularly attend the xmas party. It's nice to see people who worked with us for a long time. (Obviously you wouldn't expect to come to an event paid for by the actual office but this was an off site everyone pays for themselves meal).

I don't really get the problem, I'm afraid.

You are leaving. Most office Christmas dos would surely be for current staff only. That is how I remember them.

From what you say about her anyway, surely you have dodged a bullet by not being invited.

Just showing my middle-aged-ness, but I am personally relieved at not having to go to these things anymore, so maybe I am not the best judge anyway.

I would find it hard to think of many things I would like less than going to a company Xmas do after I had left . Different to meet up with friends that I had made there if I had things in common but I think it would be weird to go to a general staff occasion. Things move on - the office politics gossip would seem irrelevant now, they would not really be interested in your new life, you have sort of rejected them by moving on etc, etc

Maybe she thinks if you didnt want to get involved with company stuff as an actual employee then why the fuck would you be entitled to have a free piss up when you no longer work there?

I go on them every year.

And it's not free, employees pay for their own ticket/food/drink. I wouldn't expect the company to pay for a former employee!

To be fair you have made it loud and clear that you haven't wanted to do anything with them while you were there

I think random weekend events are different to Christmas Do's! We all agree on the venue etc, as opposed to being ordered to go on something where I'd rather poke my eyes out than attend

In the original OP it said:

In previous Christmas Do's at my job we have always invited former staff who've remained close to everyone.

So clearly other woman is deliberately excluding OP.

Your office is organising the Christmas do already? That's impressive. We usually end up at the local pub sharing a bag of pork scratchings the Friday before Christmas day.

Just go. Surely if it's a self-funded night out then anyone can join in. It's different if the company are footing the bill though.

My advice would be to organise a separate meet-up around xmas for just the people you particularly get on with.

I know ex employee have been invited in previous years but are any invited this year?

Surely she’s just organising it, not the paying host?

Therefore she doesn’t actually get to say you can’t go.
If I were you I’d speak to the relevant senior bod and say that as per previous years when Malcolm, Brenda and Susie left but still attended the Christmas do, you would like to do as well and just wanted to check this was ok?

Then assuming you’re given the green light, email mardy bum Cc-ing senior bod and a colleague who can be sure to keep you in the loop and let her know you’re fine to attend and here are your details for keeping in touch:

Can't you just organise a night out with your friends?