To be pissed off about not being invited to Xmas do?

[GunpowderGelatine]

Or am I being sensitive?

In previous Christmas Do's at my job we have always invited former staff who've remained close to everyone.

I'm leaving my job in September to start work in my DD's School. The organiser of the Christmas Do at my current workplace, I strongly suspect, dislikes me. She's quite a bit younger than me and very forceful when it comes to asking people to join in with non-work things. She's one of those who says "I'm not asking, I'm telling" So far this year she's got really pissy when I've refused to -

• do a 5km obstacle course thing, which cost £70 to enrol on
• go on a 'day sesh' (whatever that is) to a city 50 miles away on a Saturday all day
• bake a cake for the charity bake sale she decided we were having (for clarity i am utterly shit at baking and stuck a tenner in the pot instead).

I have 2 very small children, no nearby support and a husband who works most weekends, so when I do ask him to take time off so I can do something it's usually for something I really want to do, like a friends birthday, not a 'day sesh' or obstacle course with colleagues.

Anyway she is organising this year's Christmas do and left me off the invite list. Fair enough, I am leaving, but the colleagues in my office asked if I still wanted to come and I said yes as I am good friends with them. They emailed this lady (who works on the same floor, different office) asking to include Gunpowder and she replied to say "no, current staff only". To clarify, she isn't senior or above any of us.

AIBU to be fucked off that she gets to decide this presumably based on personal dislike, rather than anything else? Former colleagues have always joined us on the Christmas do's (ones she's been friendly with) or am I being sensitive?

Organise your own.

It's. Freaking. June.....

You don't join in whilst still working there but expect to be included having left 1/3 of a year earlier?

Very strange behaviour on your part.

Yes, it sounds like she doesn't like you but your approach seems very U.

I agree with NomNomNomNom and would arrange your own with the people you get on with. I don't agree with the fact you haven't participated in other things giving the organiser to exclude you! You had your reasons for not attending those, an Xmas Do is different.
Isn't there someone there you could get on-side? (smile)

"Former colleagues have always joined us on the Christmas do's"

Are any of them being included this year?

I think it would be different if you were leaving in early December but you are leaving in September.

You’ll have been gone for 3 months by the time of the Christmas do, you’ll have lost your connection to everyone except those who are your actual friends not just colleagues.

In which case, just arrange a meet up with your friends around the same time.

I know ex employee have been invited in previous years but are any invited this year?

Apparently two have been sent texts but can't make it anyway!

I'm torn between just slapping the deposit on her desk and cutting my losses for somewhere I'm not wanted!

Yes YABU

do a separate event on the same day and invite all but her to attend...or is that me being childish

I 100% appreciate that it's not nice to work with someone who doesn't like you.

Which is why YABU. She doesn't like you, and now you are leaving, the only reason you HAVE to meet is being removed. For God's sake leave it there and socialise with the colleagues you do like privately. It doesn't seem fair when you can go to your new work's Christmas do too, but she doesn't have that option. Making your colleagues choose also damages her chances of relationship building in her own office. Maybe she doesn't deserve much if anything from you, but I'd still steer clear.

I have endured many horrible colleagues (bullies, snobs etc) who have now left. Because of their family relationships with other members of staff, I have to endure them 'popping in' and the suggestion coming in that they should join work socials. No. Just leave it!

She doesn't like you... and you don't like her!

I'd organise my own thing with the people I actually liked and had something in common with.

The other side to this is probably something along the lines of

"I'm the one organising the Xmas Do for work again this year and there's a colleague who will have left the company in September but still expects to come. Thing is she's never come on anything else I've organised and tbh she's been a bit sneering about my choices. AIBU for not wanting to include her?"

It's. Freaking. June.....

Places round here get booked up early

You don't join in whilst still working there but expect to be included having left 1/3 of a year earlier?

Why should I go to absolutely everything this person tells me to if I don't want to? I go to the things I want to go to (ie Christmas do). Wouldn't you do the same? Or is it all or nothing at your work? I certainly don't do a 5km obstacle course that I'm not physically fit for, that costs £70 and would mean DH taking a day off work to watch the kids for, just to secure a Christmas party invitation!

Thing is she's never come on anything else I've organised and tbh she's been a bit sneering about my choices

I haven't sneered, however I have told her 'no' in no uncertain terms when she has told me that watching my kids while DH works is 'no excuse' not to do her activities.

I've never worked for a company where former employees were invited to the Xmas do.

It feels like you want to hold onto a little bit of social power by insisting on attending the Xmas do... She can't tell you what to do, you have more friends than her...

Let it go for your friend's sake, and the company's sake if not your own. You're essentially planning to gracelessly make an awkward situation worse FOR THEM so you can attend this event when it won't impact on you. Not cool.

Why do you want to go so badly?

It feels like you want to hold onto a little bit of social power by insisting on attending the Xmas do

Lol, I'm not sure why you think I have any social power my colleagues in my office asked me to come along, I said yes. I'm not pushing for anything (and I wouldn't make them choose or organise anything on the night!). It annoyed me that she said no, not based on any rules but based on the fact she doesn't like me and she thinks she owns the Christmas do somehow

Why do you want to go so badly?

I don't I'm more annoyed at the principle of it TBH.

"is it all or nothing at your work?"

I'm a headmistress. It's all for me and I expect school spirit from staff too. For example, the Principal's Christmas Quiz is optional but everyone knows to be there.

The idea of an ex employee coming to a staff party is absurd. I'm not saying you need to attend everything but coming to a staff party when you haven't been staff for several months is childish and I'd tell you not to come.

trip well that may be your work but where I am now they attend 🤷‍♀️

Would you expect your teaching staff to do an endurance type obstacle course, with your 'all or nothing' policy, because that's what YOU are interested in? What if it was a TA organising it? Do all your staff have to go to everything all other staff ask them to?

You won't be an employee anymore. Your new job will probably have a "do". Arrange a night out with your old friends.

Meh. Well, if you don't really care, and you're leaving anyway, I'd just let it go and enjoy the fact that you won't have to worry about her anymore!

I hate those type of work events, I once forced myself to go paint balling with work.

Gunpowder

"Would you expect your teaching staff to do an endurance type obstacle course"

No. I said in my post that people don't need to attend everything.

"Do all your staff have to go to everything all other staff ask them to?"

No. Technically they don't have to go when I ask them to.

"where I am now they attend"

Except ... you won't be working there and you won't be attending.

That's what I'm thinking MadMags!

I hate those type of work events, I once forced myself to go paint balling with work

I was had to go on an 'team building away day' in a previous job and we had to play some It's a Knockout games. I've mentally blocked it out TBH, awful day!