To be pissed off about not being invited to Xmas do?

[GunpowderGelatine]

Or am I being sensitive?

In previous Christmas Do's at my job we have always invited former staff who've remained close to everyone.

I'm leaving my job in September to start work in my DD's School. The organiser of the Christmas Do at my current workplace, I strongly suspect, dislikes me. She's quite a bit younger than me and very forceful when it comes to asking people to join in with non-work things. She's one of those who says "I'm not asking, I'm telling" So far this year she's got really pissy when I've refused to -

• do a 5km obstacle course thing, which cost £70 to enrol on
• go on a 'day sesh' (whatever that is) to a city 50 miles away on a Saturday all day
• bake a cake for the charity bake sale she decided we were having (for clarity i am utterly shit at baking and stuck a tenner in the pot instead).

I have 2 very small children, no nearby support and a husband who works most weekends, so when I do ask him to take time off so I can do something it's usually for something I really want to do, like a friends birthday, not a 'day sesh' or obstacle course with colleagues.

Anyway she is organising this year's Christmas do and left me off the invite list. Fair enough, I am leaving, but the colleagues in my office asked if I still wanted to come and I said yes as I am good friends with them. They emailed this lady (who works on the same floor, different office) asking to include Gunpowder and she replied to say "no, current staff only". To clarify, she isn't senior or above any of us.

AIBU to be fucked off that she gets to decide this presumably based on personal dislike, rather than anything else? Former colleagues have always joined us on the Christmas do's (ones she's been friendly with) or am I being sensitive?

trip sorry you confused me when you said you expect spirit from the staff, I assumed that meant for going to everything organised, otherwise I don't really see your point? What you do at your workplace and what we do at mine are two different things, shocking I know!

"What you do at your workplace and what we do at mine are two different things, shocking I know!"

Yes. I'd be having a quiet word with you and finding a polite way to say 'fuck off, the clue is in staff in staff Christmas party'. At your soon-to-be-ex workplace, professional and personal life are confused and you're demonstrating how it's causing problems. Your boss needs to give their head a wobble. Maybe they like this other woman and have entrusted her with sorting it you out.

trip - funnily enough, I have literally recently had a word with a colleague about one of the ex-members of staff being invited to our office for social afternoons, to quash it. It was upsetting a current member of staff who had a very bad relationship with the person who had gone.

tripYouOut I'd be having a quiet word with you and finding a polite way to say 'fuck off, the clue is in staff in staff Christmas party'.

Would you also text an invite to other former employees, or would you only tell the OP to fuck off?

Let it go. You're not invited. You don't like each other but you're leaving and she's left there,

Its like you are determined to ruin the Xmas do for her, just because you can.

Yes. You're being unreasonable. You've had your answer.

Ex - employees are invited to our do and the boss pays

Is anyone helping this woman organise the do, or is she organising it all by herself? For how many people?

"Would you also text an invite to other former employees", no, but neither has the OP's boss.

If text invites have been sent by this woman to other ex employees she hasn't got a leg to stand on when excluding you, IMO.

Christmas party is very different to the other types of events mentioned.

It used to drive me mad when (usually younger) members of staff organised events at the weekend and rebuked me for not joining in.

I had 2 small children. They were my priority at the weekend over sky diving or ski trips - even if I’d had the spare cash to participate.

Similarly when ad hoc pub trips were organised mid week and I was apparently not a team player for not going along... I got told off by my boss for that one and so I explained nicely that I was a member of more than one team and, unless planned in advance, evenings belonged to my home team not the work team (I did plenty of overnight trips as it was.)

For the last 3 years I have attended both the summer and Xmas do's at my old place of work. So has the lady that retired 2 years before that.

This Summer it will be 10 current members of staff (3 of whom are new-ish), retiree, me, mate that left in March and mate that leaves in August.

It's a meal, a few drinks and a catch up. I drive 90 mins to get to it and my mate that left in March will drive twice that. We do it because we like the people we worked with and we miss them. There is nothing strange or unprofessional about it.

Maybe they like this other woman and have entrusted her with sorting it you out.

No one has 'sorted me out' - she hasn't said a word to me about it, but you crack on making stuff up 🙄 I have no idea who (or when) decided ex employees would be invited, I had nothing to do with that decision and never had much of an opinion about it (except that it was nice to see old faces) but I'll be sure to find out and tell them a random headmistress on the internet that I don't know doesn't do it for her staff 👍🏽

Christmas party is very different to the other types of events mentioned.

It used to drive me mad when (usually younger) members of staff organised events at the weekend and rebuked me for not joining in.

Agree 100%. Also Christmas do's are kind of 'by order of the bosses' rather a colleague who wants to go and get hammered on a train at 11am on a Saturday - I have no idea how not attending the former doesn't make me a team player but there you go

Why would you want to go?

I'd just leave. Try not to be offended. Maybe have some drinks with the colleagues you like at Christmas.

Onwards and upwards to your new job. You'll be having a new Christmas works do by December, forging new friendships.

Good luck in your new job op 👍🏻💐

@GunpowderGelatine

My current workplace pay for current full time employees, if agency staff/old employees want to come they pay for themselves. The list at work only has the current employees on it. The transport list (minibus) is first offered to current full time employees as they pay for the bus, any spaces left are offered to agency staff free of charge & the former employees.

But never in a million years would we as staff let anybody dictate who is coming & who is not, somebody crossed our supervisor off the list last year & it wasn't a nice situation atall, turned out it was by somebody that wasn't even going on the night out in the first place. There's loads of people that the people that organised it don't like but they were still invited they just didn't show up.

I think it's very very unfair for her to treat you this way & if work aren't paying there's no reason why you can't go surely? Sounds like more people would be in favour of you coming along rather than not doing! She sounds like a cow!!

The trouble is, if she’s the organiser, people will generally go with it, in case she gives the task to one of them

Is anyone helping this woman organise the do, or is she organising it all by herself? For how many people?

By herself, about 12 people give or take one or two

at the David Brent comment.

You are leaving three months before Christmas so I really don’t see an issue. I understand your reasons for not wanting to get involved with the other work events but I can also see why that would make her dislike you too, possibly thinks you believe you’re above it/her.

gunpowder

"No one has 'sorted me out'"

Didn't she send an email saying 'current employees only'?

Take the fucking hint.

Didn't she send an email saying 'current employees only'?

This was not sent to me.

Read the fucking thread

Sorry but I think its abit tragic to go to office events when you no longer work there. Can't imagine any scenario where this would be normal in my anecdotal experience. It is totally David Brent. Don't be fucked off! Stay in touch with friends made at the old place but move on.

Tripyouout "Would you also text an invite to other former employees", no, but neither has the OP's boss"

That's just it 2 former employees have received text invites to the party, OP has stated this in one of her posts and she's not OPs boss.

Gun powder, I'd be inclined to ask why it's current employees only when former employees have been invited.

Also you shouldn't have to be forced in to doing work activities on your own time and pay for the privilege just because someone thinks you should.

I would just leave, move on to your new work place and keep in touch with those whom you enjoyed their company, see them for a Christmas drink, meal, night out and not worry about the 'official' christmas do.

override her. go. get another collegue to take you as their plus 1? Mimi sunshine is right.