AIBU to not want this SN child in the same class as mine

[PinkyU]

DD is 5 and moving into P2 which will be a composite 3/2 class. I’ve recently found out that a boy with severe challenging and frequently violent behaviour will be in the same class as a P3.

DD also has SN, cognitive, social emotional and physical needs. She is very vulnerable and significantly smaller than this other child. Small knocks and bumps can cause DD significant injuries such as dislocated hip etc. Their will only be 1 teacher and 1 TA in the class which in non negotiable due to staffing.

I’m concerned that not only will this boy take up a lot of teaching time (away from my DD), he is also a substantial physical risk to DD.

AIBU to discuss/request a change of class for this other child as DD cannot be moved to a different class due to her needs?

YANBU for expecting your child to be protected from violence. I don't see why one child's right to an education should trump the rights of multiple other children to receive their education in a safe environment. If a child cannot safely participate in a group without serious risk to others then that group is not an appropriate place for them. If necessary I'd move my child to another school or even home school if that was the only way to ensure safety.

It’s a shitty situation thanks to government funding cuts, and as always, it’s the most vulnerable who are most affected

It really is. We’ve been fortunate, thankfully DS1 has a place at a specialist high school, and DD has support in place in mainstream for when she starts in August and DS2s support plan is already underway for him starting next August.

Sweet why aren’t you angry at the school for failing the child? For failing all the children by not helping the child who is struggling?

Because it’s easier to target a disabled kid than actually lay the blame in the right place.

I’m fucking sick of this shit. Stereotypes, ignorance and straight up nastiness because we’re easy targets.

Maybe I don’t want my kids round attitudes like yours? So instead of my disabled children being forced out of society, why don’t you take your nasty views and remove yourself? You’re the one deliberately targeting people (and can presumably control your own actions) Therefore by your own statements, someone who deliberately targets another shouldn’t be in society.

Bye then.

Oh and mine aren’t violent by the way, because they’ve had the right support and help from school/nursery. That’s what makes the difference.

Still though, disablist bullshit affects them daily.

I was answering this. Nothing to do with being disabled

Only it was blaming a violent disabled child for someone being a victim of DV as an adult. So absolutely to do with being disabled.

I think a lot of points are being made badly and a valuable chance to discuss this is being lost.

No one wants their child at risk of injury in a classroom. Both sides are being let down like this.

The lack of funding has put everyone at loggerheads.

Im glad the op has posted. It busts the myth that parents of kids with sen are all in it together. The amount of times ive heard parents of kids with disabilities not wanting their kids to mix with other types of disability in case it rubs off on their child is huge. Yet they get so upset if they are treated that way.

I think AB is right above - it's a numbers game with limited state resources. If one child will damage the education of the others (but only if that is so) then it is not fair on the other children in the class.

SoddingUnicorns agree with all you’ve said. If only more funding was in place to support children like ours. That’s what’s needed, not charmers like Sweet (a misnomer for sure) wanting vulnerable children isolated (actually likely to ramp up their anxiety and poor behaviour) and likening disabled children in distress to domestic abusers.
Back to the OP though, the question was whether it would BU to ask for another child to be removed. Yes, utterly unreasonable, none of your business. However, YANBU to ask how the school will protect and support YOUR child, or to consider moving you child if your don’t like the answer the school gives.

Haven't read the whole thread but sounds like both children should have a CSP or at the least a Child's plan.
Contact Enquire and push for a CSP for your daughter Op.

Maybe all the parents of children in that class should pull their children out, and then maybe the school would realise that putting a violent child's needs above the need to safeguard a whole class is totally the wrong thing to do.

SweetCheeks1980 if a you had a comment deleted for being disablist ( which is a proper thing like racist etc) then perhaps you should think about why.

I can see this from both sides.
My 3 year old son is non-verbal autistic and is very mild mannered, never hits, bites or scratches. He wouldn't understand the concept of "hitting back".
His Paediatrician advised him to go to nursery, as it would do him good.
He has been 'attacked' twice, the first time he was bitten, and the second time he came home with scratches on his neck, eyelid and the corner of his eye, and a huge welt down his face.
Nursery said it was a child with additional needs like my son who injured him, and they "don't understand each other" (which is bollocks, my son genuinely wouldn't be able to tell any differences between people).
If my son had been aggressive, I wouldn't have sent him to nursery in the first place, where he could be a danger to other children (he's the size of a 4/5 year old at 3).
I'm now nervous about him going to school due to being 'different', and like OP I'm terrified of him being hurt because he genuinely wouldn't be able to fend them off

Some of the comments here are frankly disgusting.

Clearly this is not the place for anyone to ask for help with their kids disability or additional needs unless you want to have to deal with a shitload of ignorance amongst some helpful replies.

Mumsnet HQ there is clearly an issue with ableism here and maybe you should run another campaign like the "that is my child one" a few years back.

army be careful what you say, ds was “mild mannered” at 3. He still generally is now but at 8 he does have violent outburst.

Are you really saying the other child isn’t entitled to the same level of education as your child? How is that fair?

They’re still running “This is My Child”, unfortunately all the awareness and education in the world isn’t enough for some people. Folk who deliberately marginalise and belittle disabled people aren’t doing it out of ignorance. They’re doing it because it’s easy, because we’re easy targets and they can get away with it. It’s that simple. They’re the same as racists, only the shit they spout is still socially acceptable.

Yeah, let's hide em away, that'll solve everything.

I do see occasional flashes Sirzy where he'll grit his teeth and make a low growl sound and I do think "oh crikey" and leap back, but it goes off quickly.
It does worry me though in case he does change temperament, as I say he's a big lad.

If you dont want this stop voting for the tories who hate disabled people and children who cut all funding.

How do you know what any poster here does or does not vote for?

In any case, the closure of special schools mostly happened under Labour.

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1459507/Closure-of-special-schools-harms-all-pupils.html

A quick google search on the closure of special schools will show you when most of this happened.

Are you really saying the other child isn’t entitled to the same level of education as your child? How is that fair?

Don't know if that question was aimed at me or not Sirzy as I didn't actually say that, but I'll answer it.
I believe all children are entitled to the same level of education, obviously. I can absolutely see why a parent may be worried though if there is a possibility of their child being injured in the classroom.

OP you have my sympathises. My DD who is mildly dyslexic was in a primary/junior school year where an additional 9 or 10 children won appeals to get into an already stretched to capacity school. The school ended up with three classes instead of two. Two children with SEN were in each of two of the three classes with a teaching assistant in each class. One girl with SEN in DD’s class was very very disruptive (but not violent) by the sounds of it the teachers and teaching assistants spent most of their time on this girl (at a cost to everyone else in the class).
She also had a boy with SEN start school with them who was very violent after many many incidents he left the school in about year 1 or 2 and was home schooled. Towards the end of primary/junior school another boy with Aspergers entered DD’s class and he was absolutely fine.
I am not against disabled people but the first two children were extremely disruptive and impacted on the learning of a full class. But this seems to be the norm due to cuts with government funding.
YANBU to not expect your DD to get hurt by this boy at school. But YABU to expect your DD’s needs to be more important than the boys and the other children in her class.

Your DD will be much more risk of being hurt by this boy in the playground than in the classroom, where the teacher can separate them. Being in a different class won't stop her being at risk of being hurt by him, or for that matter another child.

Oh my goodness, it is so sad to see some of the vile comments on here. It is no wonder there is so much prejudice towards SEN children. I have always thought that when children have been horrible to my ds it has had to come from the parents and seeing some of this bile has confirmed it.