AIBU to not want this SN child in the same class as mine

[PinkyU]

DD is 5 and moving into P2 which will be a composite 3/2 class. I’ve recently found out that a boy with severe challenging and frequently violent behaviour will be in the same class as a P3.

DD also has SN, cognitive, social emotional and physical needs. She is very vulnerable and significantly smaller than this other child. Small knocks and bumps can cause DD significant injuries such as dislocated hip etc. Their will only be 1 teacher and 1 TA in the class which in non negotiable due to staffing.

I’m concerned that not only will this boy take up a lot of teaching time (away from my DD), he is also a substantial physical risk to DD.

AIBU to discuss/request a change of class for this other child as DD cannot be moved to a different class due to her needs?

This threads shows how many parents simply don’t want their poor children around children who don’t “fit” there boxes sadly.

Even the violent child has that right and things like the op wanting to pull limited resources from these children won’t help. She by her own admission won’t jump through the hoops to get extra support for her child so isn’t really helping either.

There are loads of people who are undoutly doing everything they can to make sure all children are supported but the system and the attitudes of too many parents who don’t really understand what’s going on just makes life harder every day sadly

There are loads of people who are undoutly doing everything they can to make sure all children are supported but the system and the attitudes of too many parents who don’t really understand what’s going on just makes life harder every day sadly

This is so true. DS1 used to bite, and lash out. I tried everything, I begged for help. Nothing worked, until I got him into primary school a year early and they understood. He’s not done it since, and has learned coping strategies which we’ve also used at home. Because the school worked with us and we worked with them.

Just last week a nursery Mum said “if it’s not right, it shouldn’t be here around normal weans” about my friend’s wee boy who is autistic and had lashed out, overwhelmed by the other boy’s determination to get in his face. I went batshit, the words she used were appalling and she could not understand why she was out of order.

Well said Spikeyball. There is no suitable specialist provision for many children. Spaces are like gold dust when there is. My son was not able to be in the classroom until his school applied for and was awarded funding for his support (about 7 months). He’s now, three years on, a completely different child. He’s thriving. He’s not only able to be in the classroom most of the time, but engages, learns and actively participates. We are hoping for specialist provision as part of an EHCP when he transitions to secondary education.
SalemBlackCat. Presumably you’re not familiar with the Equality Act. Excluding children from their right to education is against the law. Your attitude itself is also discriminatory.
Where did I say my son’s needs trump other children’s? I didn’t. I did however say that my son had support to help protect other children, and to enable teaching to occur in the classroom rather than the teacher provide class control. The support he receives is for him, however. The LEA pay for it, funding is difficult to come by, but is assigned to child, not the the school. If it’s spent on other things, the school would be abusing funds, and they would be withdrawn.
My son has not hurt other children (anymore than bumps and scrapes) - his anxiety driven disruption was never focused towards them. His SEN-related anxiety (caused by disabilities) is now better supported and he can manage himself so much better. If he’d been swept under the carpet and homeschooled he’d never have got there. He’s got great plans for his future - no child should have that right taken from them because of outdated and bigoted attitudes like yours.
And again - people with SEN are more likely to be victims of crime than the offenders.

To clarify, when I say bumps and scrapes, I mean accidental coming togethers in the playground, of which he’s received his fair share of too. ,

PinkyU you are NOT being unreasonable. Right now my dd is in a similar position, and she is unable to express herself. for weeks at pick up I'm incredibly anxious at pick up to find out how she'd been hurt that day. School aren't interested, and are not taking her safety seriously. The other child's right to education does NOT trump my child's right to be safe. Shout louder til you are heard. Also, I'm not able to explain to my child why that this other child is the way they are and what to do when targeted due to my child's own needs. It's a duty of care and they are failing.

‘Because the school worked with us, and we worked with them’. Exactly SoddingUnicorns I’m so glad your boy is doing well. x

As I'm awful at getting my point across, I do not agree he should go in a different class. However the school need to ensure they are doing all they can to monitor his behaviour to ensure no one gets hurt. It's the school who need to step up and take responsibility for the situation

@Twofigsnotgiven thank you. I feel I should clarify that them working with us is the key part, because that is what seems to be lacking in so many of the cases I read about on here.

Glad your son is thriving too!

If you dont want this stop voting for the tories who hate disabled people and children who cut all funding.

There would be special needs schools if every parent who did not want a disabled "violent" addition needs contacted there MP and demend funding to be made available but most of these lazy patents only go to the school they dont bother actually going to the people that can actually make the change.

Some children are not disabled but are violent.

I don't see how voting Tory has anything to do with it. This has been going on for years.

Some children are not disabled but are violent.

Irrelevant to this thread, but thanks for your input.

salemblackcat's views are so ill-considered and uninformed.

I have three children - two well behaved daughters who are excelling at school and an 8 year boy with ADHD, autism and anxiety.

Frankly we are a lovely, caring family. My son's bad behaviour in school (throwing things, yelling, disruptive tantrums) is the result of his neurological conditions, not bad parenting. It has improved greatly over the past three years because we have spent, each year, my entire full time salary on ABA therapy, provided our own 1:1 for my son in schools (not UK), OT and other therapies.

The idea that violent, challenging children comes only from violent, foul mouthed parents is beyond ridiculous. You clearly have no idea how difficult it is to parent challenging children, and how skilled we parents have to be to constantly battle for things like education that parents of NT children take for granted.

Never have I been so grateful for my legal degree and experience as during the many, many rounds I've had to go with my son's school just to keep him in there. You clearly have no idea.

SoddingUnicorns working together with the school has been really key for us too. We have a joined up, consistent approach at school and home (inconsistency is an anxiety trigger). Unfortunately, help like we’ve had is increasingly hard to access because of funding cuts. And many parents of children with SEN have SEN themselves, which makes it very difficult for them to manage at home, or engage with the school and support agencies. It’s a shitty situation thanks to government funding cuts, and as always, it’s the most vulnerable who are most affected.