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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To see the Headteacher over this?

87 replies

Wishfulmakeupping · 18/06/2018 13:28

Have posted recently about thus all apologies if familiar but in a nutshell...
My very confident and socially dd started foundation last September.
Since then she’s gradually been going downhill- lashing out at her little brother, worries a lot, lost her confidence and sass really.
Last few weeks been in our bed every night she will go to school but worries beforehand.
Spoken to dd and teacher several times. Dd is unhappy as one girl I’ll call her Anna is very bossy and dominant over dd letting her play sometimes excluding her other times- happening for months. Recently Anna has been asking other dc to say things to my dd nasty comments, or leaving her out.
Last week I was in tears to teacher as dd has been so fretful of school and been having accidents, not able to sleep etc.
Teacher spoke to Anna and the other girls and said it was in hand- the next day at sports day dd came last in every race bless her and Anna shouted out ‘x is a loser’ teacher made her apologise.
Teacher has said to me it’s in hand but that she will not be speaking to Anna’s parents about her behaviour as ‘it’s not part of their long term plan’ ?!
Mentioned to teacher that if things didn’t improve this week then Dh would like to take things further her response was (and she was clearly annoyed) ‘I’ve spoke to head about it so go to her if you want to that’s your right’
Should I be going to head at this point?

OP posts:

Original poster

Wishfulmakeupping · 18/06/2018 13:29

Jesus sorry that was epic- no nutshell at all 🙈

OP posts:

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 18/06/2018 13:35

I remember your previous thread and it seems things have not improved on iota.
Yes I would be speaking to the HT.

LankinMcElf · 18/06/2018 13:36

So sorry your dd is being bullied like this. It doesn’t appear that the teacher is dealing with it effectively and I would definitely arrange an appointment with the head.
If I was ‘Anna’s parent I would want to know what she was up to.
Many schools have a zero tolerance towards bullying, and it sounds like if it wasn’t your dd on the receiving end it would be some other poor kid.
Good luck

Mouikey · 18/06/2018 13:36

I haven’t had a child at school (yet) so maybe my view is warped, but I’d be getting an appointment with the head as a matter of urgency. The bullying needs to stop now.

I’m sure you do, but your daughter is worth an awful lot and this Anna clearly has issues.

Pengggwn · 18/06/2018 13:36

Yes. It's not clear why the teacher would fail to act more decisively and speak to the parents in this case.

Racecardriver · 18/06/2018 13:39

Yes. You have given the teacher ample opportunity to deal with it and she hasn't.

Marmalady75 · 18/06/2018 13:42

I’m a teacher and I’d be in to see the headteacher if my son was being treated like this. It may be that the teacher isn’t dealing with it or that her hands are tied in some way, but a visit to HT often sorts things out far quicker.

Sparklyshoes16 · 18/06/2018 13:44

Definitely see the Head...the teachers attitude is appalling!! Also could you approach the parent at pick up time and explain what's happening? Not in a threatening way ...just a Hi not sure if you're aware but our girls seem to have a problem can we talk...the Mum might not be aware...Sorry can't remember if I've seen your other thread...your poor daughter hope you get this sorted! Good luck OP

Screaminginsideme · 18/06/2018 13:46

Yes this type of bullying needs to be stamped on hard as soon as it starts

Original poster

Wishfulmakeupping · 18/06/2018 13:51

That’s the bit I can’t understand surely you’d speak to the parents how are the school going to manage her behaviour just at school itself?
My ds will be in this teachers Claus when he starts so I’ve not wanted to overreact and be labelled as a nightmare parent so far plus it’s nearly summer hols but teacher this morning was so obviously annoyed by me i don’t see what else I can do.
She has asked if I want dd to be moved into the other class which could help but dd would still not have formed friendships and Anna would still be there breaktimezxand lunch so really what good will that do?

OP posts:

Bennietheball · 18/06/2018 13:54

Teacher sounds useless, bordering on incompetent.

I am sure Anna is the sort of kid who has never been told no to anything and therefore thinks she's the centre of the fucking universe. The school should have clamped down on this but haven't. Speak to the HT but also consider a different school, this ineffectual approach often comes from the top. The fact the teacher is so rubbish means the head may well be too.

Prepare for the head to talk down to you and tell you this is what all kids do (it isn't) and that your DD needs to find her place or some other crap.

You will probably find Anna's mum/ dad are either a) super rough and the school are scared of them b) connected to the school somehow - TA, classroom helper, on the PTA, and therefore 'untouchable'.

TorviBrightspear · 18/06/2018 13:54

Don't approach the other parent. That could go pear shaped very quickly. Speak to the HT, and let them deal with the other parents if necessary.

BottleOfJameson · 18/06/2018 13:57

Yes I would be speaking to headteacher. I don't think you can insist on the teacher speaking to Anne's parents. We have no idea what they're like and whether they'd even be helpful or whether there's some reason for Anne's behaviour but you should insist on this matter being taken very seriously. Your DD is clearly very distressed and needs supporting at school and Anne's behaviour (whatever the cause) is bullying and needs stopping in its tracks.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 18/06/2018 13:57

Definitely see the Head. I would question why your DD should move classes if she's not doing anything wrong. Though to move Anna would mean they'd have to include the parents. I'm surprised they haven't informed them TBH. Maybe its worth questioning whether you should ask for DS to go into the other class before he starts though, if you feel this teacher isn't doing enough after having met the Head.

SpiritedLondon · 18/06/2018 13:58

I’m not really the sort that would want to escalate things to the HT at the drop of a hat but I would in this instance. You have given the teacher opportunity to address the issue and you have witnessed some of the problems first hand at sports day. I would go armed with all the examples you are aware of and a list of specific changes in your child’s behaviour ( as detailed above) to illustrate the full range and extent of the problem. ( rather than framing it in vague terms such as “my DD is upset”). I personally wouldn’t give 2 shits if my teacher was upset at me for going to the head either.... it’s clearly not been managed in the class so time for a review and re-think. Good luck OP.

AttilaTheMusical · 18/06/2018 13:59

Some schools have a very funny attitude about bullying at this sort of age and refuse to accept that it is happening, or that the child is old enough to understand the concept of bullying or be deliberately picking on someone else.

I'd definitely go in and say something.

mastertomsmum · 18/06/2018 14:00

I would not tolerate a teacher speaking to me like that, I'd complain.

In the past we had problems with a couple of teachers at a private school. I didn't complain, I wish I had.

EndOfEternity · 18/06/2018 14:01

Yes please go to the head ASAP. It sounds like teachers have witnessed the behaviour so there is no excuse for not having a formal plan in place and to keep you informed of what’s happening and how your DD is being supported. It’s really important you chase them up at each point.
Our DD had very similar. Luckily for once school did initially take notice and put something in place but then the communication stopped. The behaviour has became more clandestine but at least our DD is not alone in getting it (horrid to say but being only one bullied is worse). 4 years on its still going on and we’d have moved DD if there had been any room in any local schools but there isn’t.

NewYearNewMe18 · 18/06/2018 14:03

Do you know if Anna has parents? is she in foster care? does she have a fractured home life? is there a history of abuse hence not raising her behaviour at home might get her a beating?

Always so much more going on behind the scenes than you may know about.

grasspigeons · 18/06/2018 14:05

I don't know how big your school is - but it sounds like the teacher has suggested the next step is to speak to the head so go for it.

Otherwise I'd say go the next level up, eg head of year group or key stage or however its organised.

Knittedfairies · 18/06/2018 14:05

Get hold of the school’s Anti-bullying policy; they have to have one. Armed with that, go and see the HT.

Imelda03 · 18/06/2018 14:08

The fact that Anna shouted loser whilst teacher was around says it all really.

Please go to the HT. As a victim of bullying I can tell you that real and firm support early on is needed, both to curtail this behaviour and prevent your daughters confidence from being destroyed.

The teacher is not dealing with it adequately and I suspect she knows this. If what she says is correct, the HT has this on her radar as she's already (according to her) spoke to HT so they won't mind you following it up with HT.

Let us know how this goes. But do also tell HT that you felt the teachers response was not helpful and slightly off given the subject matter and she may need some training re communicating with parents.

lalaloopyhead · 18/06/2018 14:08

My dd has been having issues at school. On the advice from a primary teacher friend I put the worse issues in writing and clearly laid out my expectations. The school had the other child's parents in the same day that I sent my email.
Clearly explain the impact the behaviour is having on your daughter and that you are expecting the issue to be treated seriously.

Fishface77 · 18/06/2018 14:09

Go to the head. Teacher sounds incompetent and, in regards to what newyear says, that’s not your problem. You want your child’s to have a happy school and home life.

lalaloopyhead · 18/06/2018 14:12

The other child's home life is irrelevant, the school are not going to avoid addressing a bullying case to save the bully a beating at home. If anything these issues should highlight and help a child that is likely to get beaten, and therefore displaying bullying behaviours. One of the reasons I put my complaint in writing is because I felt some of the things said by the other child were a bit concerning and at least the school couldn't pretend they didn't know if something was going wrong at home for them.

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