To see the Headteacher over this?

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Have posted recently about thus all apologies if familiar but in a nutshell...
My very confident and socially dd started foundation last September.
Since then she’s gradually been going downhill- lashing out at her little brother, worries a lot, lost her confidence and sass really.
Last few weeks been in our bed every night she will go to school but worries beforehand.
Spoken to dd and teacher several times. Dd is unhappy as one girl I’ll call her Anna is very bossy and dominant over dd letting her play sometimes excluding her other times- happening for months. Recently Anna has been asking other dc to say things to my dd nasty comments, or leaving her out.
Last week I was in tears to teacher as dd has been so fretful of school and been having accidents, not able to sleep etc.
Teacher spoke to Anna and the other girls and said it was in hand- the next day at sports day dd came last in every race bless her and Anna shouted out ‘x is a loser’ teacher made her apologise.
Teacher has said to me it’s in hand but that she will not be speaking to Anna’s parents about her behaviour as ‘it’s not part of their long term plan’ ?!
Mentioned to teacher that if things didn’t improve this week then Dh would like to take things further her response was (and she was clearly annoyed) ‘I’ve spoke to head about it so go to her if you want to that’s your right’
Should I be going to head at this point?

Thank you all for your help and support

There isn’t always a back story. Not every bully has issues at home!
It is also irrelevant.
Bullying should be stopped - full stop

This. I am so sick of people making excuse for bullies. Some people, both adults and children, are just plain nasty people regardless of their background/circumstances.

Definitely don't Anna over to play. Your DD should have one safe place (in this case, her home) and having her bully invade that space would be a huge betrayal to her.

As everyone else has said check anti bullying policy,

Mention it in meeting with the head.
Also ask to ensure the 2 girls are in separate classes next year.. it is far easier for them to jiggle classes about before they are announced.

If you go to the HT and they tell you children this age aren't capable of bullying and she is navigating social relationships just as your daughter is (this is the line HTs often take), make sure you make the point that the impact on your child is the same.

The other child's intention is not really relevant. They need to safeguard your child's social and emotional development.

I think there is a plan in place for this child's behaviour but that it is not working or is not being supported by SLT. So the teacher is frustrated that they cannot really achieve anything
I agree. I think the teacher has been overruled by SLT or the Inclusion Lead and is mighty pissed off.

You should be able to have the school’s bullying policy, read that and demand it is followed

I agree about speaking to the HT and having a list of the incidents and impact on your DD. I think it is helpful to have a paper trail and I would also move her into a different class to Anna as in our experience this sort of behaviour doesn't just stop.

We have been dealing with an Anna on and off for the last 3 years which really affected my DD. Her current class teacher is great and deals with the behaviour (including speaking to the other parents) but it only stops temporarily and then starts again. In the period when they were getting on I did have playdates and it didn't make things better. If anything it made things worse as afterwards DD couldn't understand how a 'friend' could turn on her. I certainly wouldn't have had her over during one of the bullying cycles as DD needs to have a safe space away from her. I have told DD we won't do anymore play dates and our house is an "Anna" free zone and she is happy about that. Hopefully the classes will be mixed up this year as I think the only way that it will stop is if they are not together.

In our case I think it is mainly due to "Anna" being jealous of DD's friendship with another girl and that DD is academically able whilst she is struggling. Ultimately those are things that her parents need to help her with and I am not going to get DD to change her behaviour to make "Anna" feel better.

I hope your DD's school addresses this so that she doesn't have to deal with it anymore.

There are two classes in the year and in my very doubtful there are any plans to mix them up. I don’t think my dd is in a place confidence wise where she could just go across to the other class. Equally I can’t really demand that Anna is moved either so would you push for a mixing up?

From stories I have heard it is seems particularly it can go on and on.

You may think your dd doesn’t have the confidence to move but actually her confidence will go down and down if it doesn’t stop

I would move her - kids make friends easier when they are happy

Going against the grain with the teacher - some heads will only take action WHEN parents voice their concerns - her hands may be tied - she may have tried that root and been given a short shift - go to the head - be nice out the teacher and her efforts but say you want the other parents involved as per the anti bully policy (look online)

Many years ago my son was bullied after about 6 weeks of starting school. I went in multiple times, with a calm approach. Nothing changed. My son didn't feel like I had his back and became very withdrawn. Long story short , he was kept in at break time and not the bully! I was furious. In the end he became so anxious about school, understandably, that I phoned up and said he will be staying off school till you sort this out
You have a duty of care and my son is being bullied. I know not sending him in was breaking the law but frankly I didn't care. They said they couldn't sort it out if he wasn't there. But I refused to send him in to be bullied. In the end they said " perhaps he'd be happier at another school" In other words fuck off. I then got him into another school where all was fine.
When he moved to senior school it all started again. Too cut a long story short , we tried 2 different schools and it carried on. In the end we scraped the money together to send him to a private school when he was 13. That was the best money we ever spent. But the bullying has affected him greatly. He is now 29 and is still not a confident person.
Bullying has long term consequences.
Sorry for the epic post , the point is nip this in the bud now!!!

I would push for the school accepting responsibility for allowing the bullying to continue, apologising and putting a plan in place to stop the bullying.

They are failing both girls. Your DD who is miserable and anxious plus Anna who is learning behaviour that will not help her in later life.

The bullying needs to stop and a school can do this if there are proper methods of dealing with the problem behaviour.

For example, you can ask that the children are sat away from each other in the classroom, supervised properly at break etc and that Anna is told clearly that if she bullies, insults or physically harms anyone, that she will lose her breaks for a day.

The school need to be consistent with his until Anna understands the consequences of her actions. If Anna refuses to behave, then the school will realise that they have a bigger problem on their hands. I had this issue with my DC’s previous school. L

One of my DC was bullied at school and eventually a similar plan was put in place. It worked with the satellite bullies, but the main one just wouldn’t stop.

I pulled both DCs out of the school when the school stopped the supervision and didn’t put anything else in place. My DCs are happier at their new school and the bully’s reign of terror continues at their old one. He broke a girl’s arm in the class last term and is still there. The girl has left.

Interestingly, my DC say there is no bullying in their new school as the staff there are far tougher.

There are lots of things school could be doing that diesn’t include changing classes. They should not be tolerating bullying in school and when identified should be working with both children to address it: the bully should have work on how certain things are unacceptable and helped with others ways of behaving. The victim should be given avenues of support and have self esteem built up. There are programs schools can buy in to lead them in this e.g. Kiva.

Unfortunately it’s up to schools to feel motivated to do this. Ours lacks that motivation and relies on us to raise every single issue and not give up til we have some/any response. It’s really difficult if you’re backward in coming forward as we are in RL, but we’re having to learn for the sake of DD.

Schools are notoriously poor at dealing with bullying, though there is more awareness of it these days, though obviously your DD's teacher isn't handling this at all well.

I agree that you need to speak to the HT.

Moving her is better than school dealing with it. Soup much can still go on behind the scenes. Even Reception kids, especially emotionally mature ones, know not to do things in front of the teacher if it will get them into trouble.

Yesterday dd was fine after school but couldn’t remember who she played with.
She later told me she’d played with Anna and another girl at break time but everyone was nice.
Then later again that Anna had been bossing her around but she had forgotten to tell the teacher.
Letter going to head today.

To complicate things head is leaving at end of this time and there is no new head in place so I’m guessing she’ll be indifferent too as it’s not her problem for much longer

Hi OP, there will (should!) be an Acting Head in place or some other equivalent person who will assume responsibility during a transitional phase anyway so follow things up if you don't hear quickly and ask for an acknowledgement of your letter (so you know - and they know - that ball is in their court). My spidey-senses were twitching wildly about this "plan". I would be asking for full details of the plan. They may not tell you but at least ask - even just to see how they deal with the question. (Do they tell you, do they refuse to tell you, do they ignore it). Keep copies of your correspondence so you can forward them to the Local Authority if you get no joy from the school. No child should have to suffer because a school won't tackle a bully. Personally I would do everything in writing (email or letter). Much easier to follow historic events from a paper trail rather than trying to remember exactly what was said in a phone call. Good luck to you and your daughter.

She later told me she’d played with Anna and another girl at break time but everyone was nice.

You need to build up her other friendships and keep her away from this child. Why was she playing with her?

Yy I’ve been doing play dates with other children from the class and asked teacher to encourage her to play with others but she seems to gravitate towards Anna.

Spoke to the secretary and have sent an email requesting urgent meeting ASAP due the bullying and attached letter outlining situation that was this morning after school run so hopefully hear something soon and hoping dd is ok today.

I’ve got a 20 minute slot for tomo.
Teacher called me in after school she’s now worried about dd’s Behaviour thinks she’d accusing Anna of things she’s not been doing today and said dd had outburst in middle of dinner hall over who she had to sit next to.

OK, be prepared for this to be the teacher's defence, that the issue is your DD's behaviour, not Anna's.

OP, did you get offered the slot in response to your email of this morning, or when they called you in this afternoon? If it was this afternoon then I would agree with Torvi. Sounds bloody fishy to me. Bit like this bloody plan.

Exactly...I was called in to speak to teacher plus TA at pick up when all this was pointed out. My response was -I’m assuming you know I wrote to head about this and my stance remains the same. There are other people involved now telling me their children are being used by Anna to convey messages so I will not accept that this is dd’s Imagination. I wrote out my list of points for head.