If you could recreate yourself into the person you want to be ...

[TumbleTussocks]

What would you be like?

I don't mean do you aspire to be like Kim Kardashian or Mary Beard. I'm talking about personality, character, strengths, beliefs.

And if you are already the person you want to be, what is that and how did you achieve it.

Bit deep for a Monday morning but I hope you'll indulge me as I'm seriously fed up of myself at the moment

I would love to be more confident in myself. I would also like a stronger work ethic.

I’ve become lazy recently, with work and with exercise. I’m quite unhappy with the way I look, and I’m aware I need to put some effort in to make myself look and feel better.

I just cannot be arsed. That’s what I’d change!

I had kids young so I was always either someones child, someones mum, someones partner, you get the idea! When my ExP left me, my kids were already adults so I went off abroad on my own to a country I love for 4 months (would have stayed longer but for finances!). It was probably the first time in my life I was truly alone. I made new friends there and it's like my whole life was a clean slate. I could be whoever I wanted to be! I realised the "real me" was always in there somewhere but I'd always been the type to give too much of myself to other people. So truly being selfish for once and only considering my own needs helped me rediscover who I was. I came back feeling a million times better and really happy with who I am. It was definitely one of the best things I ever did.

I would be less of a people pleaser. I just seem completely unable to say "Actually that doesn't work for me and would prefer xyz" My default position is I don't mind / it's up to you / that's fine.

I'd be me, but the me who emerges on my very best days. The one who's motivated and full of energy and has nice hair and a clean, tidy house, rather than the lazy, messy slattern I usually seem to be. The one who has their kids' clothes laid out for them the night before rather than scratching round in a pile of slightly creased clean stuff and wondering if they'll get away with it. The one who eats three healthy meals a day, with things like fresh raspberries and quinoa, rather than forgetting to eat a meal until about 7pm because they've been grazing on biscuits all day. The one who spends time with her lovely friends rather than hiding inside to avoid having to see anyone. That* me.

I wish I could be one of those truly warm people. Those people who make you feel calm and happy and they always have an enjoyable and meaningful story and they always say the right thing. How do they do that?

At the moment I’m working towards just being calmer (yoga and Agnus Castus), being more attractive (my hair is really working and I’ve lost 5kg), and trying to get my house more organised.

I’m quite highly strung I think. I’m considering not watching the news anymore because I find it incredibly upsetting and it spills over into other areas of my life. But I judge people who don’t watch/read the news.

I would love to be calm. My yoga teacher is my idol. Sadly I don't manage to go to classes as much as I'd like.

Would also like to be really positive like some people I know

I'd like to be less lazy (housework and childcare-wise), more ambitious (I've been working at the same level for 10 years and nowadays frequently have bosses several years younger than me), and braver (I'm scared of heights, flying, won't go out of my depth in water, hate driving, don't like using the phone, crap with making conversation with strangers etc etc).

I would like to have self discipline to exercise, eat well, sleep properly etc.

Also, I’d like to have an even vague idea of what to do for money for the rest of my life. maybe I’m one of those people that just never knows what they want to be.

Also confidence in my partner choosing abilities would be nice.

Oh and I hope to have enough strength when my DCs leave Home to be able to say “no” to rescuing kittens.

I'd like to have more confidence and will power.

My sister is like a unicorn, her personality is captivating. She is one of those people who walks into a room, and everyone gravitates towards. She is absolutely beautiful too, thick blonde hair, big blue eyes. And she’s nice, and kind. She makes being kind and patient, understand and empathetic looks so natural and effortless.

I’d love just a smidge of her natural kindness. I’m very blunt, overly logical, I am kind but I wouldn’t say I make people feel at ease unless they know me. I definitely have a bitchy resting face which means people put their heads down as I think I look like I’m about to punch them in the face 🙈

Thanks OP, this is really interesting and has made me think because although I really don't like myself (my personality and responses to situations), I'm not sure who I want to be!

I am not an intellectual in any sense but I would really like to be completely stupid, kind and sweet natured with a lovely family (parental) but absolutely thick as two planks.
Someone who sees all the good things in life and enjoys doing anything and everything, even the truly banal things in life,, like ironing.

I figure I would be less of a worry wart that way?

I wish I wouldn't care so much essentially.

I would have way more confidence in my own ability, especially in the work place.

Or at least just more ability to wing it and pretend I know what I'm doing.

I'd be 3 stone lighter and a popular person who others like to spend time with and want to employ. I've never had a friend and don't know why. Highly qualified but there's something about me that employers don't like so I never get offered jobs despite being capable.

I would be a doer not a thinker. I'm paralysed by indecision and have no focus.

I would be more tanned, rich, have clearer skin, and would have fuller instagram brows. I would also have smaller thighs.

I’m such a procrastinator. I’d like to stop that. Then I’d have my shit more organised and I’d already have dieted and exercised so I’d be slim right now.

@Storm4star omg you're me 12-15 years from now. I had my children young aswell, and I've never been on my own, I went straight from home to marriage. When I'm 40, my children will be 18,17 and 15. And there's so many things I want to do, one of them is go to USA and work.

How did you go about leaving your children in UK? I'm guessing this is where you live.

Sorry to hijack your thread OP

I'd be more confident, less anxious, definitely free from OCD, more assertive.
Probably dress better, be better with make up, less of a wobbly tummy.
Less socially awkward too though I think this would come with confidence.
And feel consistently better about myself- some days I look in the mirror and see an attractive, healthy, confident woman; our days I see pretty much the opposite...

I’d be more confident (rather than just pretending), and I’d have had someone explain men to me when I was about 16, rather than my mum’s approach of acting as if they don’t exist.

@AnyLondoner

Both them and me felt a little bit of anxiety about it as I was going far away, too far to pop back if there were any problems! But it was all fine. Nowadays its so easy to keep in touch, we whatsapped each other. So they were able to ask me little things when they needed to. They do their own cooking, washing etc anyway so that was all fine. Oh and I told them no wild parties! lol.

I would be a doer not a thinker. I'm paralysed by indecision and have no focus.

Same here. I achieve nothing.