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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Invited to a party and asked to pay £15 per head to attend. Aibu that i think that’s cheeky?

121 replies

Soapysoapsoap · 18/06/2018 09:44

We’ve been invited to a friend’s house party over the August bank holiday weekend. But we’ve all been asked to pay £15 per head towards food and more ££ if we want to drink.

If she hadn’t asked, I would have turned up with a bottle of something and some food (i’d ask what I could bring first). But never been told to pay before I can attend a house party before...

Or is that normal and I’m just being weird? It’s a good friend, but money is tight for us at the moment! She has hosted a few times. Maybe she’s sick of being out of pocket? But why invite us to a party at hers, if that’s the case, and why not suggest a bar?

OP posts:

melonscoffer · 18/06/2018 16:12

Sharing your home , garden , food with convivial, like minded friends.
You share what you have with them.
No money exchanges hands

Aeroflotgirl · 18/06/2018 16:16

I agree, it cheapens it somewhat if you ask for money. Either host and provide food and drink or don't host.

prettybird · 18/06/2018 16:18

Fund raisers for one of the local political party branches (cheese and wine or curry night quiz) cost £10/head - for which you get plentiful food and two glasses of cheap wine

MargeryB · 18/06/2018 17:12

OP, how often does this group meet and do you all take it in fair turns to host? I wonder if she is pissed off with people that attend but don't host (may or may not be you) or attend but don't contribute and is making a point about other CFs?

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/06/2018 17:19

user1457017537
I imagine many people saying it’s incredibly cheeky is because they have no idea what it actually costs to put a party on. However, i totally agree with op. This is something you discuss when you put out invites not after they have confirmed.

01000011
Very much had crap friends. Binned off. I got totally fed up of the lack of respect and them acting like teens/early 20’s when none of them were under 30.

CornishMaid1 · 18/06/2018 17:37

I think we need to know more on what sort of house party is it - is it more of a dinner party with a sit down meal?

I am imagining a house party as a table of buffet/party food, maybe a barbeque going if the weather is good and with music and drink. If it is that than £15 each excl. alcohol is a lot, but for a formal dinner party it probably isn't.

If I was invited to a party then I would ask what they want me to bring (would always bring a gift and drink anyway). If I invite someone over for dinner they would usually ask if I want them to bring dessert etc.

If part of her issue is the cost of the food, why not just tell everyone to bring a picnic for the daytime and she won't need as much cost then for the evening.

user1457017537 · 18/06/2018 18:53

I was just thinking that maybe in the past the friend could afford to entertain but because of rising costs felt she could no longer afford to be generous. I still don’t think £15 for all day is exhorbitant.

52FestiveRoad · 18/06/2018 18:59

Can you not just text her back and say 'Is it a party or a fundraiser?? Which charity are you raising money for?' That will put her on the spot. It is rude to ask a guest to pay, YANBU.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 18/06/2018 19:26

Yuk

Make an excuse and don’t attend

Tight caaaah

rumbelina · 19/06/2018 09:12

I would never EVER ask friends for money in a situation like this. I would say (have said), "we'll do xxxx, bring any extra meat you want"

I would be saying 'why are we doing things differently this time?'

Ididnothearthat · 19/06/2018 09:26

We host alot as we are (were) the only people across several friendship groups with our own house and garden. However more friends are buying/moving out now so its balancing it out. But once a year we choose to have a big bbq and invite all friends and we just say bring your own booze, and we pay for the food as was our choice to host. Some people choose to bring their own too (generally those that we always host so they dont like to take the mick as they appreciate we clean up and also wash bedsheets for them when they stay etc etc). The only time weve explicity asked for money/specific food is when we ended up at ours because it was the preferred option. E.g. wanted a xmas meal renioun with old uni friends and it was either go out to a pub and all pay pub prices or we host at cheaper, so we did ask for contributions thus allowing friends with kids to put them to bed in spare room and stay and drink and saving money for everyone.

But agreed YANBU to think its cheeky to ask for that money when they have chosen to invite you!

nottinghillgrey · 19/06/2018 09:56

No way. CF.

She has invited you and is now acting like it's some sort of favour she is doing and so you should all pay

RadicalFern · 19/06/2018 10:42

This is weird! I have "charged" my friends for coming to dinner once, but it was Thanksgiving, they don't like to cook, and I am unwaged. Also I didn't invite them and then charge them, we planned out together and I asked if they could chip in to help cover ingredients. I managed a full Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings AND wine for £10 a head...

SparkleMotions · 19/06/2018 21:19

This is so grabby. If you can't afford to host a party, then don't host a party! Asking people to bring a bottle of something and a dish of something I think is perfectly acceptable, but inviting guests to your home, having them accept only to demand payment is just bloody rude and very tight fisted!

13ReasonsWhyIDontCare · 20/06/2018 09:01

This may be completely out of the box but could your friend be holding a surprise wedding OP? It’s a bank holiday weekend, she made sure everyone could attend on that date and THEN requested money. If it’s a paid bar then I would imagine there will be staff employed to serve?
Is she married? Single?
I’m a suspicious person, I don’t think it’s just a CF case

Ushittingme · 20/06/2018 09:35

ThirteenReasons thats exactly what I thought.. maybe not the wedding but def a reason of some sort.. if ths is totally out of character for the host I'd be inclined to think there is a purpose behind asking, especially as £15 doesnt seem like a random number plucked from thin air.

13ReasonsWhyIDontCare · 20/06/2018 09:46

Someone mentioned a group WhatsApp conversation suggesting that everyone brings a dish. I would definitely not do that, it’s not your party and you shouldn’t try to change the arrangement. That in itself is cheeky fuckery in my book.

Metoodear · 20/06/2018 10:04

That’s so rude
Cheeky fuckey of the highest order this is not a party it’s a night club their running

Metoodear · 20/06/2018 10:05

13ReasonsWhyIDontCare

crispysausagerolls · 20/06/2018 10:07

This is total bullshit. Yes, hosting is expensive. That’s why you choose to do it if you have the money - no one has forced them! It’s embarrassing and inhospitable to ask for cash for goodness sake. People bringing alcohol (or food in a potluck scenario) is one thing, but cash?!

13ReasonsWhyIDontCare · 20/06/2018 11:33

@metoodear But some people do charge in these scenarios, I am not excusing the asking for cash, I’m trying to find out the reason why she’s suddenly charging. I’m very intrigued! 😺

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