Invited to a party and asked to pay £15 per head to attend. Aibu that i think that’s cheeky?

[Soapysoapsoap]

We’ve been invited to a friend’s house party over the August bank holiday weekend. But we’ve all been asked to pay £15 per head towards food and more ££ if we want to drink.

If she hadn’t asked, I would have turned up with a bottle of something and some food (i’d ask what I could bring first). But never been told to pay before I can attend a house party before...

Or is that normal and I’m just being weird? It’s a good friend, but money is tight for us at the moment! She has hosted a few times. Maybe she’s sick of being out of pocket? But why invite us to a party at hers, if that’s the case, and why not suggest a bar?

I suspect they won't have many guests.

An ex friend of mine had a book launch a few years back; the email made a big show of telling you how wonderful a friend you were but then stated that everyone was expected to pay an entry fee (!)and then purchase of the book was compulsory . needless to say I didn't go. She's now a successful politician - but she's a shyster, IMO.

saucy, you have a point. They host more than anyone else - but not a dramatic amount (maybe once every three months max?). But I always figured it was because they wanted to, enjoyed it, and we all bring a bottle and some food. I guess prob doesn’t add up to how much she usually spends and now she’s peeved. It actually crossed my mind that she’d take some kind of profit out of this, too

The only way to put a stop to CFery like this is to not engage in it or enable it. No matter how close a friend. You just decline the invitation, don't lie or make excuses, just 'Sorry, won't be able to attend,' and that's it.

It doesn't matter what her motivations are, no one holds a gun to someone's head and forces them to host.

Fine to do a bring and share, a BYOB, but charge admission? Just nope out of that!

She's trying to pull a profit and if she's charging for booze it's likely illegal, too.

Decline now.

It would be acceptable if it was a bring and share dinner, I would not mind that, if everyone brought a dish. But to charge is very rude, if she did not want to host, don't! Going out for dinner, puts the pressure of people hosting, you can have a nice relaxing evening without people stressing out.

If she was fed up of hosting, she could not offer to host, she has a choice. I was fed up of hosting, but suggested we meet out to eat instead with a group of friends, and that's what we do, it takes the pressure off.

.. don't go...?

£15 a head just for food at someone's house is ludicrous. Unless she's getting it all ready-made at M&S/Waitrose, and even then it seems a lot.

I think I'd be otherwise engaged.

I would really be obsessed with how I could eat 15 quids worth of food.

Are you sure its not something they are doing for charity? I had a friend who once a year would do a fabulous dinner party and everyone attending paid about £10 each I think (bring your own drink) and all of the money went to a local charity.

Really cheeky ... to ask people to bring food/booze etc would be okish but not money

If it is something for charity, you make it known to guests, that proceeds will be going to charity.

Could you reply saying 'great idea - what are you fund raising for?'

To be fair, we have this every year with DH's Uni group. We all get together (about 20 of us now there are husbands/wives etc in the mix) and take it in turns to do a massive Christmas dinner around the end of November so we can all get together. It would be hugely unfair for one person each year to have to pay for Christmas dinner for absolutely everyone, so we all chip in £10 a head and whoever is hosting puts up with having to do all the cooking and prepping on the basis they won't have to do it again for another few years It also covers the booze which means they can make the most of group discounts and we don't all turn up with 8 different types of wine/have to lug it on the train with us etc.

In that scenario it works, they've been doing it since they were in their early 20s so over a decade and everyone knows the expectations. In most situations I agree it's CFery, but it's not a complete faux-pas no matter what.

I like Fizzy's response.

Alternatively, for a shorter reply, I'd just reply - 'how about we all bring food and drink and make it a pot luck/bring and share. It'll be much cheaper than £15 and save you a lot of time and effort too.'

Assuming this is a good friend, there's no point falling out over what could just be a badly worded/ill thought out invite or something that she's done out of annoyance for hosting more than her share.

Scribble totally different, you are all ok with that, and have obviously discused it together, and everyone take turns to host, you have a set up in other words. This has just been sprung out of the blue, with no discussion.

Oh I know @aeroflot - wasn't trying to do that annoying thread thing of comparing apples with oranges. It's just that some posters were saying that it's never ok to charge if you're hosting, and I was saying I don't think it's quite so hard and fast.

To be honest, in my early 20s when we'd first all moved to London, it wasn't uncommon for someone to say 'I'm happy to host a bbq this weekend, but could everyone chip in a fiver if I get all the food delivered here?'. It used to make more sense because we were scattered over the city (so who wants to transport burger on the tube for half an hour?), plus only a couple of people had gardens or space to host, so it wouldn't be fair for them to bear the costs of hosting every time if it was more likely to fall to them. Nowadays I wouldn't probably bother, because we all have a bit more cash - but in those early days, on our first-job salaries, spending £50 in the supermarket to host everyone (when it wasn't e.g. your birthday) was a big ask in terms of our budgets. I don't think I'd have the visceral reaction to it that lots of people on here are having (although again, I don't think I'd do this myself nowadays!)

That makes perfect sense Scribble, if your all in the same boat than that is good, yes it can add up hosting. As students we just used to hang out at Weatherspoons or it used to be lasagna or spaghetti bolognasise for the masses, now people seem to be very fussy.

That is why we meet up outside, it is much easier, we are all on a budget, so its the cheap Chinese or Indian buffet type thing and my friend is on Grupon, and gets us discounted buffet, we pay her of course.

No its not fine to organise a party ,invite people and ask for £15 towards costs,
Can you even eat that amount in food.?
Super rude and cf-ry at its most cheeky.

It's an invitation, not a summons. (soz)

There must be a few who don't contribute but who she still enjoys seeing.

£15 is not bad for all day and all evening entertainment and food.

And she probably wants money instead of BYOB because of the CFs who being cheap plonk, drink everyone else's better stuff and then go home with their cheap plonk too.

I wod just say no sorry I can't attend, if you don't want to. Whatever information with cheap plonk, it's quite nice actually.

YANBU...eitherbshe wanrs to host a party or she doesn’t. And for £15 is she going to cater individually for what everybody wants...if I’m to go out for food at the weekend and spend £15 on it I’d want to choose what I get to eat for my money...but maybe that’s just me

My group of friends all chip in for bbq's or parties. We either pay maybe £5/£10 depending on the plan or agree between ourselves who is bringing what. Only a few of us have house big enough to comfortably host and it works for us. It just feels fair to me. If you're all friends isn't it ok to chat about what works for everyone? I don't drink but I'd pay £15 for food and alcohol I think.

I think in some circs it would be OK to ask people to share the cost eg a Christmas / New Year dinner for a crowd. Otherwise, it seems cheeky,