Invited to a party and asked to pay £15 per head to attend. Aibu that i think that’s cheeky?

[Soapysoapsoap]

We’ve been invited to a friend’s house party over the August bank holiday weekend. But we’ve all been asked to pay £15 per head towards food and more ££ if we want to drink.

If she hadn’t asked, I would have turned up with a bottle of something and some food (i’d ask what I could bring first). But never been told to pay before I can attend a house party before...

Or is that normal and I’m just being weird? It’s a good friend, but money is tight for us at the moment! She has hosted a few times. Maybe she’s sick of being out of pocket? But why invite us to a party at hers, if that’s the case, and why not suggest a bar?

I wouldn't be going. For that much money you and DH could have a special dinner at home with wine and still have change left over.

Definitely (another) CF.

It's just rude. If you all agree to meet up and someone then offer to host in their house, fair enough to share the costs . If you invite people over, you don't charge them, you don't expect to bring anything either. You are just grateful if they do.

I hate these pretentious and tight people who end up making a profit out of a party, it's ridiculous. If you can't afford it, have a small barbecue or a small gathering.

We used to do that as students - pitch in a pound or two to cover food costs as nobody could afford to host. Everyone took/brought their own alcohol.

£15 a head depends on how extravagant the party is tbh considering she’s hosted several times before.

Dh and I used to have pretty extravagant parties. We (mainly I) cooked from scratch. Offered lots of booze. I decided to budget as the costs were out of control.. Even budgeting a party for approx 25 people 15 years ago cost me 600 Euro’s which back then was £400 which works out at about £15 a head. Most parties had set me back more than £600 for the evening. A lot stayed over so there was breakfast of croissants and pain au chocolat on top.

Dh and I got fed up as we got little in return, people arrived with no or little booze, hardly ever a present and only the last one raided our wine cellar of the good stuff because Beaujolais nouveau wasn’t good enough.

Then they’re the cleaning and clearing on top. Don’t assume they’re being cheeky fuckers. I get you are skint but £15 per head is nothing if the hosts are spending a lot to give you a good party tbh.

No not just you Fluffingtonpost as I too am what is irritatingly deemed to be a "Fussy eater" so I would need to ensure there was sufficient I could eat too.

However, this invitation would be a no from me. Bring and share - definite yes! Profiteering, in this instance, comes to mind. 🤔

I suspect she has done a quick back of an envelope estimate of how much it costs to have everyone over and then added it all up and divided it, compared it to two meals out and snacks at a pub and thought that seems reasonable.

Would you prefer to bring food? Maybe suggest that that might work out better for you..

This is rude and grabby. Either you host or you don’t.

I wouldn’t go and I would tell her exactly why.

Rude and crass.
She should either not host at all, or ask guests to bring a dish of buffet food, and a bottle.

I wouldn't go, as at £30 plus drinks, I seriously doubt you will be getting your moneys worth. She will be making a profit from her friends - not on at all.

just decline

no need for a sassy pass agg text like these threads always inspire

just ahh, sounds lovely but no thanks

I don't think think many people will be turning up to be honest.
If she can't afford the food she shouldn't be throwing parties.

I can see that she would make a tidy profit from that "enterprise". I would reply " won't be attending". If asked why not " because I am not a fool"

I think that, if this was just standard, it's an excellent idea.
Makes sense, hosts aren't out of pocket so no one minds doing it, easier for the attendees to just pay cash rather than the back and forth texts of who's bringing what.

Dhs South African friends do this as the norm, and they have a far better social life than us over here always following the etiquette rules.

You don't have to go.

CFery of the highest order. Unbelievable

£15 per head just for the food - more if you want alcohol?

CFery of the highest order - and I speak as someone who loves to host parties and enjoys making a good spread. No way - unless I was serving up foie gras and caviar - that I would be spending that amount of money per head on the food.

Just say you wont be attending.

In many social circles, £15 per person would go no where near the actual cost per head.

We host a lamb spit every summer for about 50 guests. It costs about £700, so that's £14 per head. It's fairly basic.

I think if you don't host often, you don't realise how quickly it all adds up.

Also, sooo many attendees/non hosters do things like - bring one bottle, drink two; bring burgers, eat steak etc etc

'how about we all bring food and drink and make it a pot luck/bring and share. It'll be much cheaper than £15 and save you a lot of time and effort too.' Agree with Manic's suggestion. Preferably send on a group chat as I'm sure people will chime in and agree!

I think that is a lot, just for food depends what you will be eating though - we sometimes contribute cash or are asked to bring food drinks (within a general category) to house parties. I'm find with it as long as it's affordable.

Are these friends likely to be on a tight budget? They may want to be social and enjoy hosting parties but not be able to afford it. Therefore they are being honest about how much it costs to host and asking people to chip in. Even if it ends up that they make a small profit they're still going to be doing all the prep and stuck with all the clean up, so I wouldn't feel hard done by.

mummyoflittledragon If you had people turning up with nothing for the host, and then helping themselves to whatever they fancy, then you had bad "friends".

That's bizarre.

I've been to and hosted many house parties & have never come across that. My favourite parties are those where everyone brings a dish & booze they like.

If she's a close friend, you could have a chat with her to understand what's going on and let her know why £30 is too much for you. You could offer to add to the food somehow? Otherwise I'd just decline the invitation.

If you hosted each other many time before without payment then this is not OK. If you can't afford it, don't host. I always go to a BBQ with some food and lots of drink (as I expect a lot of people do) but I wouldn't attend if asked for money.

It sounds like she wants a bit of cash and this is an easy way of making it.

Anyway, £15 a head is outrageous for food. No way does it cost that much unless she is only planning on giving you Lobster and Wagyu steaks.

I went to a friend's garden party on Saturday: I took along a large pavlova and a large sugar-free meringue roulade. Used up 10 egg whites (and one extra egg which I broke ), 8oz caster sugar, some erythritol, 3 cartons of cream and a couple of punnets of berries.

Came to £10 max - plus of course my time.

In return, I had a small glass of wine, 2 Pimms, one burger (no bun) and a few canapés (tomato, mozarella and basil sticks, beef and rocket rolls) and some peanuts & pistachios.

I also helped clear up yesterday.

That's what friends do.

Have to say, if I were to be charged £15/head, I'd want a breakdown of the costs!

I get that hosting costs money, and if this friend ends up hosting more than anyone else in the friendship group then it’s fair enough she’s feeling the pinch. However, totally not ok to invite people to your home then charge a cover charge and it’s really cringe worthy that she’s asked. There are ways she could have handled this appropriately like asking guests to bring specific contributions. Could you message her and the group and suggest a pot luck ‘to help her out’ where everyone brings a food/drink item instead? But no I wouldn’t pay £15 per person to go to my friend’s house.

I wonder how she proposes to police the extra payments for alcohol? Is she going to dish out tickets? Or is she selling each glass individually?

Just think how hacked off you'd be if you arrived slightly late and you couldn't get your £30-worth of food.