Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Invited to a party and asked to pay £15 per head to attend. Aibu that i think that’s cheeky?

121 replies

Soapysoapsoap · 18/06/2018 09:44

We’ve been invited to a friend’s house party over the August bank holiday weekend. But we’ve all been asked to pay £15 per head towards food and more ££ if we want to drink.

If she hadn’t asked, I would have turned up with a bottle of something and some food (i’d ask what I could bring first). But never been told to pay before I can attend a house party before...

Or is that normal and I’m just being weird? It’s a good friend, but money is tight for us at the moment! She has hosted a few times. Maybe she’s sick of being out of pocket? But why invite us to a party at hers, if that’s the case, and why not suggest a bar?

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 18/06/2018 15:04

Think outside the box for a moment. If this system was not rude and was the norm, it would be ok wouldn't it?
No one worrying about whose turn it is to host, no one worrying and feeling guilty they can't host for whatever reason, no having to make a pudding to go somewhere, no bitching that so and so hardly contributes, etc etc
Jointly choose budget and party away.
My friend group who do this, also cover the cost of a cleaner for afterwards; everyone's happy with it.

zzzzz · 18/06/2018 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoohBearsHole · 18/06/2018 15:08

Am in two minds.

Got forced into hosting a nye party which we didn't want to host but got bamboozled. Cost us a fortune in food and drink, people bought a bottle per couple :( whilst drinking us dry and bringing extra unexpected guests.

DH absolutely furious - we put in lots of hard work whilst others did fuck all. So yup v tempting to charge £15-20 per head on that occasion!

On the other hand, know people who held a party, printed invites the works - you know big deal - after the occasion they sent a bill to ALL the guests charging for drink and food. They were the talk of the town. Not in a good way!

Original poster

Soapysoapsoap · 18/06/2018 15:10

manicinsomniac I like that response!

The reason why I found it so strange is that it just came out the blue. First the party invite, then everyone replying saying yes or whatever, then the follow up message about money. If it had been a discussion, that would have felt different...

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 18/06/2018 15:12

Do all those declining invites because they have to bring something, not feel that they're missing out on lots of fun stuff for the sake of what's right/a bit of cash?
Do you sit at home alone with a cats bum face consoling yourselves that you were right?

user1457017537 · 18/06/2018 15:14

I really don’t see the problem with this. If you and your partner went out for food and drinks all day it would cost more than £30.00. Personally I am amazed at the people who quite happily accept and expect hospitality and never contribute anything. I think that is far more cheeky.

bigsighall · 18/06/2018 15:15

I’ve been invited to a 40th and now been asked to pay £20!! I mean have a party if you want but to charge people to attend. Really fucking cheeky imo. Oh and that’s just for a cocktail and nibbles in the garden... we are all then going out and nothing is paid for inc taxis etc.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 18/06/2018 15:22

When I was a young graduate in London living in a great location, I found myself hosting various members of my uni gang practically every weekend.

I used to chuck ckicken pieces and jacket potatoes in the oven, get flatbreads and dips from the local Turkish shop and make lots of salads. Friends would turn up with loads of booze, sometimes chocolates or flowers. It honestly never occurred to me to ask for a contribution and I was pretty skint.

However nearly 30 years on my friends are still my friends and we sometimes reminisce about our London days. If your friends aren't nice enough to host for free you should get better friends.

OliviaStabler · 18/06/2018 15:23

I really don’t see the problem with this. If you and your partner went out for food and drinks all day it would cost more than £30.00.

Not the same thing at all. According to the OP this social group all host each other so the cost is taken by the differing hosts each time.

FinallyHere · 18/06/2018 15:24

It's an invitation, so pay & go, or don't go. No biggie..

Andylion · 18/06/2018 15:29

First the party invite, then everyone replying saying yes or whatever, then the follow up message about money.

"I’ve been invited to a 40th and now been asked to pay £20!!"

It sounds as though in both case the invitations were given, RSVPs were given, then the request for money came. That sounds sneaky.

Poptart4 · 18/06/2018 15:30

Inviting everyone and then adding in the cost after everyone replies is cheekyfuckery at its finest.

Had she been upfront from the start it wouldn't be bad as you would know exactly what you were agreeing to or you could just decline. But now you've said yes it makes pulling out awkward.

Sounds like she knew people wouldnt want to pay €15 per head so added the cost after the fact to shame/embarrass you into paying it. Alot of people will be too polite to decline now. Her tactics are sly and underhand and i definitely would not be going.

Cancel last minute - be unexpectedly sick, minor accident. Or tell her straight you don't like being conned into things.

MiniAlphaBravo · 18/06/2018 15:37

I think this is very cheeky, especially since she told you after you’d accepted!! If me and dh went for a meal tk somewhere like pizza express it would be cheaper than this just for food. So I hope she is an excellent chef and will be providing you with table service! Then to have to pay extra for booze is crazy.

Skittle22 · 18/06/2018 15:41

I once worked with someone whose mum charged £25 per head for her adult children and their partners to come for Christmas dinner. Grandchildren were £15. it was along time ago, so probably more like £75/£45 in todays money.
Amazingly they all thought it was normal and paid up.

LeighaJ · 18/06/2018 15:44

It's rude. I think it's only acceptable to ask people to bring some alcohol along unless it's clearly a potluck type of party.

LeighaJ · 18/06/2018 15:45

Skittle22

Wow, I thought I knew some cheap people, but that bests all of them.

spanishwife · 18/06/2018 15:48

I hear a lot people doing this around Christmas - it does cost a fortune though. I think the idea is if it's agreed beforehand it's fine, but when it's an invitation over for a BBQ and then later you are asked for money it's really sneaky because it's v hard to say no.

FluffingtonPost · 18/06/2018 15:53

I really don’t see the problem with this. If you and your partner went out for food and drinks all day it would cost more than £30.00.

But you’d also get to choose when, where and what you had to eat and drink (and this doesn’t include drink anyway).

If you turn up havingnpaid £15 and there’s nothing you like, everything you like is gone, or you just generally don’t eat much then you’d feel a bit taken advantage of!

Like a PP example of the people who bringnone burger and eat steak when everyone brings food...there’ll still be some people who eat a shit load, and some people who don’t so it will never be fair in that regard.

user1485342611 · 18/06/2018 15:54

If you invite people to your house for a party you do not charge them for the privilege. That is crass and rude.

It is different if it's a group decision. "Why don't we get together for a barbecue over the bank holiday weekend? How about we put in £15 each and also buy some booze and use one of our gardens"?

"Yeah, great idea. We can use our garden. Our neighbours will be away that weekend".

I'd have no problem with the latter. But your friends sound pretty bad mannered.

Oblomov18 · 18/06/2018 15:55

I always provide all food, all alcohol everything. If anyone brings anything, it's a bonus. If you can't afford it, don't host.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/06/2018 16:01

It is rude, and it is not the same as eating out, totally different experience. If she did not want to host, she should not have offered. Or test the waters with a message like "Hi everyone, thinking of hosting the next get together, but it is getting costly as I have hosted a few times, what would you think if I asked you for a £15 per person towards food, soft drinks and some alcohol. If you want more, bring your own booze to the meal" Many thanksx

Aeroflotgirl · 18/06/2018 16:02

Or "thinking of hosting the next meet up, what do you think about bringing a dish each, and bringing a bottle each as well, as it makes it easier for me as I have hosted a few times now".

LighthouseSouth · 18/06/2018 16:06

Sounds like she's trying to make a profit

Either host or don't, no one is forcing you! If no one else hosts that doesn't leave a vacuum which must be filled.

@RhythmStix ooh I'm pondering that now....

happymummy12345 · 18/06/2018 16:07

That's rude. I think asking a guest to bring food or drinks is rude, but to ask for cash is just unbelievable.

user1457017537 · 18/06/2018 16:10

MummyofLittleDragon I completely agree with everything you said.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5