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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I am so afraid of tomorrow, please do not be mean on this thread

50 replies

ConfusedWife1234 · 18/06/2018 00:08

Dh has ptsd (and yep, he is seeing a therapist because this is what people always ask first) and he told me he was really not feeling well yesterday. Actually feeling really lousy... and I am afraid of going to bed today though I am very tired. I am so afraid of tomorrow. I a, afraid of what the future might bring.
I must be nuts to discuss this with strangers on the internet but I needed to talk.

OP posts:

Original poster

ConfusedWife1234 · 18/06/2018 00:18

And sort of hoping that anybody says something nice.
Discussed my dhs mental health so much on the internet cause I feel it is unfair to do so offline... and I wish I was stronger and could cope on my own.

OP posts:

musicposy · 18/06/2018 00:18

What exactly are you afraid will happen? Sometimes voicing your exact fears helps put them into perspective.

lardymclardy · 18/06/2018 00:19

Can I ask what it is you are afraid of? Him hurting you? Him hurting himself? Where is he at the moment?

Original poster

ConfusedWife1234 · 18/06/2018 00:20

I am afraid that he might hurt himself, because he said he fears he might have a nervous break down if stress at his workplaces continues and might hurt himself... but he does not want to stop working there.

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DrDoMore · 18/06/2018 00:21

He needs to go off sick surely?

TheVanguardSix · 18/06/2018 00:22

What is it that you fear tomorrow will bring that all the days before haven't? What is it about the future that you find the most frightening? And when he says he's feeling lousy, what does that mean for him and for you?

Original poster

ConfusedWife1234 · 18/06/2018 00:22

@Lardymclardy: He is currently in the same room, sleeping. I just sit here on the floor but do not want to go to bed.

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TheVanguardSix · 18/06/2018 00:23

Why does he not want to stop working there?
(Sorry. So many questions.)

ReallyExhaustedLlama · 18/06/2018 00:24

Sending and a virtual unmumsnetty hug.

No real advice but just take it one day, or even one moment, at a time and don’t think too far ahead when your feeling like this.

You are ok, just breathe. Things are rubbish right now bu he’s getting help and they will get better in time.

TheVanguardSix · 18/06/2018 00:24

God, you poor thing. You're very anxious and so afraid. What support do you have in place (for you)?

Original poster

ConfusedWife1234 · 18/06/2018 00:25

Yesterday for the second time he told me that he fears he might hurt himself... because of stress at work. Today he did not need to work. Tomorrow he is working.

When he told me the first time, he later told me he was fine and that I could not help and he did Noteneditor my help. So I ignored the problem but yesterday he told me again.

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musicposy · 18/06/2018 00:25

That's hard, because in truth you are limited in what you can do - he has to work through it for himself. Try not to think of the whole future - that's too big and too much. Just try to get through tomorrow. One hour at a time stuff.

Do you think he's safe now he's asleep? Do you feel you'll be ok to get some rest? Things always seem much worse at this time of night. I'm not saying this to minimise what you're going through in any way at all - just that you may have better resources to cope in the light of day.

You say he is getting help, but are you getting support in real life? It sounds as though you could use some.

MyKingdomForBrie · 18/06/2018 00:27

Maybe he needs a harder push - could you book him an emergency GP apt tomorrow morning and maybe go in with him so he definitely explains what’s going on? He needs time off sick.

Original poster

ConfusedWife1234 · 18/06/2018 00:28

Why does he not stop working there? I am not sure, he thinks that all civilian jobs are like this, because his last job was like this too...he thinks that it is him, not the job and that he is set up for failure and he wants to be a man about it, he is not a quitter.

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Thesearmsofmine · 18/06/2018 00:29

I’ve been in your shoes. He has talked to you about how he is feeling which (when I was in that situation) was a good thing.

Would you be able to encourage him to go to the doctors and be signed off sick?

MummySparkle · 18/06/2018 00:30

I know you are anxious about the morning, but to be able to support your DH you need to make sure you are looking after yourself and have adequate sleep too. Are you able to set an alarm for 15mins or so before he usually wakes up. That way you know you'll be awake to support him in the morning.

Is he employed or self employed? If employed then I would be seriously considering sick leave for him for now.

Thinking of you

musicposy · 18/06/2018 00:30

You say he's getting therapy; can he contact his therapist when he feels this way? Make an extra appointment or bring the next one forward? I think he's right in a way that it is better for someone outside of it to be helping him. But I suspect he is also crying out for extra support too.
GP suggestion? Even if to chat it through by yourself?

lardymclardy · 18/06/2018 00:30

Can you wake him and ask him to come to bed? Can you gather up a duvet and sleep downstairs with him?

He's not going to be in the best headspace tomorrow to be working if he's feeling like this and not sleeping comfortably.

I'd suggest stay with him tonight then call a gp in the morning.

I can't imagine how stressed you are right now, but try and get some rest for yourself, even if it's a makeshift bed close to him.

Original poster

ConfusedWife1234 · 18/06/2018 00:33

MyKindom: But he does not want to go to the GP, he wants to go to work tomorrow.
He is not saying: I am going to kill myself
He said: I fear I am going to have a nervous breakdown and might kill myself.

Yesterday he told me, today we went hiking and he was laughing and joking.

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ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 18/06/2018 00:34

By hurt himself do you mean self harm e.g cut himself...or do you mean something more serious like an overdose?

You need to get help for him, get an urgent appointment with GP tomorrow and explain that it's got to the point that you are afraid to sleep and you can't go on like this...

You really need help with this, otherwise you are going to end up ill yourself through anxiety and lack of sleep...

ILoveVince · 18/06/2018 00:35

I also have PTSD and with therapy things will get easier. It sounds like you could definitely benefit from some therapy or self care yourself. Look up mindful breathing, it’s done absolute wonders for my stress levels.
It won’t always be like this I promise x

EndOfEternity · 18/06/2018 00:35

If you believe he is close to harming himself he should call the service/therapist and see if there is an urgent appointment available. Have they given advice for emergency situations? At worst they may be able to give him some advice. It may be exactly the same as you would say but hearing from a 3rd party is sometimes easier than from those you feel a duty to protect.

musicposy · 18/06/2018 00:38

I might then let him go to work (you can't force him not to, after all) but go and see the GP yourself and talk it through. He may have just had a lower than usual moment, feels happier today, and it not be as bad as you fear. On the other hand, talk of suicide should always be taken seriously and therefore I think it's a good idea for you to share this with the GP.

Original poster

ConfusedWife1234 · 18/06/2018 00:38

Yes, there would be the possibility to contact his therapist if he is feeling very bad but he does not want to.

I guess he just wants to soldier on, see what happens. He promised me that if he should really have a nervous breakdown that he will seek help imediantly, hope he will be able to do this.

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biscuiteer · 18/06/2018 00:39

Dealing with ptsd is draining for you and your partner. You need support too and at this point I would be feeling the same as you. Can you access support through your own work? Someone in my family has ptsd and it’s just awful.
He is safe tonight, try to get some sleep. Tomorrow I would be trying to get to doctors for advice and support for you and if that’s impossible, as soon as you can. It is an unbearable weight when you hear the words and worry they will do something, but he’s with you now and he’s ok now so for tonight try your best to sleep. If will be morning soon and you need to sleep too. Looking after yourself is also important- sending you unmumsnetty hugs.

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