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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think im being used?

79 replies

mariahbalenciaga · 17/06/2018 01:06

For a start I know I’m stupid before anyone says it, I lack self confidence and I’m too embarrassed to talk to anyone about this.

I think my boyfriend is using me. We haven’t been together that long and in that time he’s never shown any desire to take me anywhere, just wants to “chill” with me and have sex, he has no job and sells weed (catch I know) but never has any money, he’s borrowed about £170 off me in 2 months, £70 was for “stuff to do with me” aka paying a phone bill so he could talk to me and the £100 was to pay off borrows off his mates.

He constantly accuses me of cheating and being up to something to the point where I’ve deleted all social media. He says he loves me but I don’t think so, never shows any emotion towards me or anything positive.

I dunno what to think and if I am being used, how does someone with no self esteem grow the lady balls to leave?

OP posts:
NT53NJT · 17/06/2018 01:09

You'll be happy if you left from what you've said. You just need to convince yourself and then just tell him it's finished

Original poster
mariahbalenciaga · 17/06/2018 01:09

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I know I need to

OP posts:
Monty27 · 17/06/2018 01:11

Wtf? Just end it.

NT53NJT · 17/06/2018 01:11

I was in a similar boat years back. I was with my partner for about a year then I met someone else, I decided I didn't want to be with my partner anymore and it wasn't working so I told them it was over, it wasn't a nice feeling or experience but definitely the right one which we both realised pretty soon after

Original poster
mariahbalenciaga · 17/06/2018 01:12

I’m not justifying my actions but I struggle to end relationships despite bad treatment. Again, I lack confidence and believe I can’t find anyone better.

OP posts:
echt · 17/06/2018 01:12

You get self esteem from what you do; so if you leave him, you'll feel better because you have placed a value on yourself.

Sparklesocks · 17/06/2018 01:12

Sorry OP but it doesn’t look good.

Do you actually enjoy your time with him? Is he kind? Does he do things for you?

I think you need to get out - you deserve more.

Original poster
mariahbalenciaga · 17/06/2018 01:13

@echt. That’s a great outlook and definitely food for thought x

OP posts:
Original poster
mariahbalenciaga · 17/06/2018 01:13

No he speaks to me like shit, doesn’t do anything for me, but I must enjoy time with him.

OP posts:
echt · 17/06/2018 01:13

Again, I lack confidence and believe I can’t find anyone better

You might not find anyone better, though statistically this is unlikely. Better to be single than live like this though.

Original poster
mariahbalenciaga · 17/06/2018 01:14

That’s true. I guess I just fear being lonely

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 17/06/2018 01:15

OP surely it’s better to be alone than with someone who treats you badly and uses you?

Original poster
mariahbalenciaga · 17/06/2018 01:15

I think so, it’s just the initial leaving I will struggle with

OP posts:
sarahsnail · 17/06/2018 01:15

I find it hard to believe that you can’t find anyone better than him.... he doesn’t sound the greatest I’m afraid.

Leave him, have some time on your own and work on your confidence. You deserve much better than this Flowers

Original poster
mariahbalenciaga · 17/06/2018 01:17

I need to work on me definitely I have extremely low self esteem and I will just continue attracting these bums, just not the best at asserting myself and I’d just wait until he either finds someone else or just gets rid of me.

OP posts:
Butterfly1066 · 17/06/2018 01:20

But you will be fine he just adds to your low self esteem and I say that as someone who has had similar partners.sadly.

Original poster
mariahbalenciaga · 17/06/2018 01:21

@Butterfly1066 when do we ever learn hey x

OP posts:
Butterfly1066 · 17/06/2018 01:24

God I hope so ! I spent three years living with someone like that then. It’s horrible. I don’t know why I didn’t leave but the relief once he fucked off !
Maybe it’s the confrontation you can’t face !
I can’t offer much just that you will feel so much better once you get rid and have some space

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 17/06/2018 01:25

You’re clearly reflective, and smart enough to know he’s a dosser.
What is potentially lacking is the confidence to tell him to sling it.get lost
I doubt you’ll get the cash back,put that down to bad luck, and don’t lend again

LadyOdd · 17/06/2018 01:25

Please leave him you deserve better and with a little time you will find that person, take some time find out what makes you happy x

Original poster
mariahbalenciaga · 17/06/2018 01:26

I think I want him to do things to make me happy, like to want to go out and do things with me opposed to just having sex with me

OP posts:
Monty27 · 17/06/2018 01:26

How are you leaving him? You don't live together presumably.
And yes value yourself. No-one should settle for a loser.

Original poster
mariahbalenciaga · 17/06/2018 01:27

He doesn’t want me, just doesn’t want anyone else to have me

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 17/06/2018 01:28

Hmm,is he menacing?does he threaten you?or is it possessive & jealous behaviours

Original poster
mariahbalenciaga · 17/06/2018 01:28

Just possessive and jealous, extremely paranoid, swears at me a lot, never says anything nice to me, just treats me like shit

OP posts: