To think only buying teenagers a children’s meal is crap?

[BinG0wings123]

Ds (15) out with his dad, step mum and her two young teens for lunch today. Again, as soon as he can home his nose was in the fridge as he was only allowed a child’s portion.

He’s 5 foot ten.

They aren’t allowed the adult menu until they are 16.

Bloody bonkers.

oh god.why cant some adults see how damaging there actions around food are!

If they won’t listen I don’t see that there’s much you can do.
Some people have really weird control issues but they’re so convinced they’re the normal ones and it’s everyone else who’s got the problem that they’ll never change their ways.
My parents were like this and I used to eat 6 or 7 portions of fruit a day and they never worked out that perhaps I needed a bigger meal because I was doing competitive sport and nearly 6ft tall. It backfired because as soon as I could I started eating junk food and as much of it as I could!

Those parents have serious food issues. Do the two young teens live with them? Are they doing okay on this regime or do you think they may be at risk?

Your son at least can get some more food, so he is only going hungry temporarily. I mean, it must be awful for him, but if these other children NEVER get fed properly then that is really worrying.

OP how far away do they live? Only so your DS can see them in the day but come home at night so he can actually be fed properly in the evening.

Yes, her children live with them full time - I’ve only met them briefly a couple of times. There is a strict no helping yourself to food policy in their house, that’s all I know. I don’t have that here - ds is welcome to make him self anything to eat if he’s hungry between meals.

@blue it’s a couple of hours away, so it’s an overnight stay usually, or lunch every other weekend or so as SM Mother lives in our town.

DP's daughter is 2 and she usually eats from the children's menu. Not much left when she's done (plus we tend to eat in places where the children's menu is mini-sized portions of the adult food i.e. not just bland stuff from the freezer). She will sometimes have a children's meal and then an ice cream or something from the adult menu. She's a very healthy child and, if she has an adult-sized pudding then she probably won't finish it but that's far better then a child being left hungry by parental choice! What's more, she has a really healthy attitude to food and only eats enough to satisfy her appetite (rather than developing an I'd-better-eat-everything-now-even-if-I-don't-want-it-because-who-knows-when-I'll-be-allowed-food-again approach).

Sounds like there's not much more you can do, OP, beyond sticking a packet of crisps and piece of fruit in DS bag to help fill him up. YANBU but your ex is.

All I can do is try and talk to ex h again.

Summer holidays coming up so it would be good if ds could spend a nice chunk of time with him.

Dontdribble I only know as I was in Newcastle a few years ago for my birthday. Unfortunately I was ill with a virus and couldn’t eat much. My then-BF and I decided to go to a buffet and I’d just get a kids portion (I really couldn’t eat but didn’t want to ruin the weekend). We went in and told I’d have to pay the adult price (I’m 5’2”),they had a notice saying even if you didn’t eat you still had to pay. I had one spoon of plain rice and 1 piece of chicken. Worst birthday ever! But at least OPs DS would get a proper amount of food somewhere like that.

PS if your mum tries it do let us know how she gets on!

That's neglect.

Is mil old enough to remember rationing?

I’m not 5 foot 10 and a child’s portion for me would be devastating.

It's odd how they are but "neglect" might be pushing it. If you aren't getting enough to eat you will be underweight. Are their children underweight, OP?

I’ve only met them maybe three times over 8 years and not recently. Ds says tall bean poles. Ds is much stockier built, big shoulders.

Bloody hell!

The only reason DS1 has child meals when we go out is because he's autistic with loads of sensory issues and wouldn't eat most things on an adult menu but I think quantity-wise he'd make a good go of it and he's six and consistently on the middle centile for height and weight! In fact, when there's pizza as an option he will have an adult's portion and eats almost as much as me!

Your DS is taller than me and probably more active and I'd be bloody cross if someone would only let me have a child's meal!

Poor lad. He won’t want to see his dad at this rate. Wouldn’t blame him really. All you can do is speak to his dad again.

My 14 year old DS is 6' 3" ,he is regularly the tallest person in the restaurant, adult meals often aren't enough,a kids meal would be a starter for him!

This really isn't acceptable. The only thing you can do in the short term is send your ds with extra food but I agree you should speak to your ex. This is a ridiculous situation. Extreme control over food is not okay.

My son is 11 and small for his age. He's quite a light eater but he is getting to find children's portions too small in restaurants. I had to order him a side order recently when his meal turned up as it wouldn't have been enough to fill him up. This is a child who doesn't always have a full meal at school as he finds it too filling, so definitely not a greedy child or even one with a large appetite.

My daughter is 15 and nearly 6 foot, I can't imagine how she would manage on the tiny portions on most children's menus.

To the person whose inlaws portioned 2 roast potatoes per person - that is generous compared to my inlaws. Fortunately they over cater for desserts so it is the only occasion when I am quite happy for my children to have 2 puddings. I also feed them crisps on the way there and apples on the way home. My husband and SIL both have food issues, my BIL used to but fortunately met his wife early enough to learn healthier eating habits. He has been known to comment on being starving after a meal there, but no-one ever notices. His children had major food issues though so somehow the food control has carried through somewhere.

I feel really sorry for the OP's son. It sounds like you've done everything you can, e.g. discussing it with them, explaining why he doesn't want to visit and sending food. I can understand why he's struggling to cope.

That just seems so stingy especially if your son would prefer the food off the main menu. I’ll quite often order starters from the main menu for my toddler rather than a kid’s menu as they are just crap in so many places. I just couldn’t imagine a tall teen still being encouraged to pick a small portion of chicken nuggets etc. Ive never met anyone that thought 16 was a reasonable cut-off.

I know this might be a long stretch but would you ever go out for a meal together?(sorry if this for whatever reason totally out of the question) but then dc dad could see what reasonable.

Just send your DS with the money or don't send him, if they are underfeeding him.

I’m amazed that your ex can get away with buying a child portion in a restaurant. They usually state VERY CLEARLY that it’s for under 10 or 12yo.

Giving a child portion to a 15yo is bonkers. But even more so when you know it’s havung such an impact in your relationship to your own child. I mean, who will put havung a small portion of food before being able to see your own child???

The poor lad! Imagine his dinner coming out on one of those little plastic plates complete with plastic cutlery and obligatory fruit shoot!
I hope his dad gets shown up some time soon and reminded of the age policy next time he tries to order a measly portion.
I'd tell your ex to start adequately feeding your son and stop projecting his food issues onto him.

That's ridiculous, my DS is 14, very sporty and has something off the main menu and likely to finish off anything the rest of the family leave too!

How ridiculous are they for telling the kids they're not allowed the food off the big menu till they're 16😂 age definetely doesn't define how much you can eat, I know adults who can only manage child sized portions and children who are like little vaccumes and are always hungry. They should let the kids decide themselves what they want to order. Sound like they're just being cheapskates to me x