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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cancelling ~36 hours before... AIBU?

100 replies

headisajungle · 15/06/2018 06:13

An old uni friend and I arranged to meet up this weekend. She still lives in our uni city and I've moved to a different one. We both work crazy shifts and rarely have weekends off, so this visit was planned 3-4 months ago. I've got pets which she's allergic to so we agreed to share a hotel room and use the spa the next day. I booked the hotel and treatments and she said she'd pay me back later. She has no form for CF-ery, so I wasn't in the slightest bit wary of doing this.

Yesterday evening (~36 hours before she's due to arrive) she text me to ask if someone else can take her place because she's really short of money. Whilst I'm sympathetic to her money shortages, she explained that this is because she's saving for a mortgage - and they don't just appear out of nowhere! No-one else can take her place at this short notice (or even would, because why would you want a hotel in the city you live in?)!

AIBU to be a little peeved, or should I be a better friend?

OP posts:

Muchtoomuchtodo · 15/06/2018 06:17

YANBU to be a little peeved a such short notice. Any future plans would be cost free and involve her taking antihistamines!

Have you checked the terms and conditions of the booking - many allow for cancellations.

Pengggwn · 15/06/2018 06:17

You're right to be annoyed. She isn't short of money. She is saving her money, and knew before she booked that she would need to budget for the trip.

She owes you her portion of the costs.

SnuggyBuggy · 15/06/2018 06:17

I would be annoyed. She presumably knew the cost of the trip and what her income was when she committed. I'd be reluctant to make any more plans with her.

It would be different if she was cancelling because she had D&V or something.

Cauliflowershower · 15/06/2018 06:20

Yanbu-she needs to pay whether she comes or not.
Unless there’s anyone you can think of who would like a night away (I’d happily stay in a hotel in my home town for a night away from the kids!). But I’d still let her know she’s being unfair and cheeky.

londonrach · 15/06/2018 06:21

Yabu. She owes you half. Tell her too late to get someone else going to cost her anyway why doesnt she just come

londonrach · 15/06/2018 06:21

Yanbu!! Not yabu

nannybeach · 15/06/2018 06:28

Be VERY peeved, had a similar thing, made sure I booked Hotel I could cancel up to 24 hours with no fees, or loss of money.

ApolloandDaphne · 15/06/2018 06:28

If you can't get a refund then she still owes you the money whether she comes or not. Have you looked at whether it is refundable or not?

clairedelalune · 15/06/2018 06:30

No, I think it is fine that you are peeved. I would be furious that a) it was such short notice and b) I had already spent the money and she clearly has no intention if giving it ti you. I presume she knows you have booked and paid seeing as she said she would pay you back. I would reply with something along the lines of 'thanks' (I might add 'not sure why you don't think I need the money either') (if I replied at all. I might not) and then would probably not engage with her again. People cancelling last minute (proper emergencies an exception) is one of my pet hates and imo, with the money bit too, she has shown how much she values you.

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 15/06/2018 06:31

YANBU - she's a CF! I would tell her that you simply can't afford to be out of pocket for her share so regardless of whether or not she comes, she has to pay you what she owes you. It's not her choice now as to whether or not she she spends that money - she's already committed to it so technically it's as good as spent.

Original poster

headisajungle · 15/06/2018 06:33

It's a non-refundable hotel (I made her aware of this when I booked, in a kind of "this is a firm plan, yeah?" kind of way). Spa has a 48 hour cancellation policy.

OP posts:

watchingwithinterest · 15/06/2018 06:34

If you can't arrange a refund then she still needs to pay her half.

It is unfair of her to do this 36 hours before.

Try and cancel with the hotel, some have 24 hour cancellation policy. I wouldn't be in a desperate rush to see her again.

violetbunny · 15/06/2018 06:35

Wow, that's not on!

I think I would reply, "Hi Friend, sorry to hear this as I was really looking forward to seeing you. I understand if you can't cover all of the costs associated with the trip, however unfortunately the room itself cannot be cancelled at this short notice, so I still need you to transfer me the portion of costs that I paid on your behalf. My account number is XYZ. Let me know when you've transferred it, and then perhaps we can arrange to meet up another time as it would still be great to see you."

athingthateveryoneneeds · 15/06/2018 06:36

You need to remind her of those facts and tell her that you can't afford her half anyway. Fair warning, this is probably the end of your friendship.

watchingwithinterest · 15/06/2018 06:36

Call her and ask her to pay then. She knew it was non refundable, no one else at such short notice can take her place and she is has committed to this date and agreed to pay half.

She is an absolute CF!!

violetbunny · 15/06/2018 06:36

Sorry, I should add I would also make it clear you can't find anyone else at this short notice either!

hildabaker · 15/06/2018 06:37

She's left you right in the shit, YANBU.

I would cool off towards her after this, if i were you.

watchingwithinterest · 15/06/2018 06:37

I think it may end your friendship too, in fact the minute she pulled out on the grounds of saving for a mortgage and allowed you to pay her share was the moment the friendship probably died.

It is not on.

watchingwithinterest · 15/06/2018 06:38

Lets hope she does the right thing and either changes her mind and comes anyway when she sees the upset it has caused, or pays her way and doesn't come.

Either way lesson learnt op

Bezm · 15/06/2018 06:39

Send her a copy of the hotel booking, and point out how much she now owes you.
I had to cancel something similar at short notice, but paid my bit in full. There were other people going, so didn't let one person down. Someone else took my place but I didn't expect a refund.
She's being extremely cheeky.

MaverickSnoopy · 15/06/2018 06:41

On the one hand I do think it's very refreshing to see people who want to buy a house actually saving to do it and being accountable for it, rather than just spending and saying they can't afford a house. However, she is being massively unreasonable letting you know this so late in the day. She knew this information before she agreed to the trip. Have you mentioned this to her?

Check the t&c's. Can you cancel the treatments at least and then ask her to split the room cost? It's crap for you though because either you have to pay half and not go, or go on your own!

If you can't cancel the booking then do a quick ask around just in case and then you can say that you tried.

I would be very miffed in your shoes.

Monty27 · 15/06/2018 06:41

Get on the phone and cancel it to reduce losses and bill her for it

MargaretCavendish · 15/06/2018 06:41

I actually think she sort of owes you the whole amount for the room, as why would you want a hotel room in your own city without her? (The spa is a bit different as you can still enjoy that). She's wasted your money. However, I think getting back her half is probably more realistic, and I'd be firm about that - she's cancelled too late, so whether or not she can afford it she owes it.

snewname · 15/06/2018 06:48

That's so unreasonable. Please don't let her get away without at least paying you half. As a pp said, you'll still have wasted your own money even if she does pay half.
Do you think your friendship can survive this? I'm not sure I could forgive this rudeness and disrespect.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/06/2018 06:54

I also think she she owes you the entire cost of the room?

What did you respond to her? I think it should be along the lines of

“How am I going to fill a space in a room that I no longer require when my friends and I live in x city? You do realise I only booked and agreed to pay for my half of a hotel room in my home city because I know you are allergic to my pets. The hotel is non refundable. I have missed the deadline for cancelling the spa. I appreciate you are saving for a mortgage but perhaps you should have considered that before you decide to spend my money. The cost of the room is x. Your share of the spa is y.” Terrible behaviour.

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