Cancelling ~36 hours before... AIBU?

[headisajungle]

An old uni friend and I arranged to meet up this weekend. She still lives in our uni city and I've moved to a different one. We both work crazy shifts and rarely have weekends off, so this visit was planned 3-4 months ago. I've got pets which she's allergic to so we agreed to share a hotel room and use the spa the next day. I booked the hotel and treatments and she said she'd pay me back later. She has no form for CF-ery, so I wasn't in the slightest bit wary of doing this.

Yesterday evening (~36 hours before she's due to arrive) she text me to ask if someone else can take her place because she's really short of money. Whilst I'm sympathetic to her money shortages, she explained that this is because she's saving for a mortgage - and they don't just appear out of nowhere! No-one else can take her place at this short notice (or even would, because why would you want a hotel in the city you live in?)!

AIBU to be a little peeved, or should I be a better friend?

Reply as some posters say above telling her you can't get someone to step in and as the hotel was non-refundable, she owes you x pounds.

I would definitely message her. It is in no way reasonable to cancel at that short notice and not expect to pay towards the hotel room (half at the minimum). Are you still going to go or is the whole thing a waste of money now?

She should pay for the hotel, simple as

She’s a CF. For sure she should pay. I’d be seriously reconsidering this friendship.

she text me to ask if someone else can take her place because she's really short of money

she has ASKED if someone can take her place.
If they can't and she has to pay, she'll probably still come?
She's just having second thoughts over the cost of the weekend.
Yes it's a bit late, but she hasn't refused to come or to cover the costs if they can't be covered has she ?

Tell her she still owes your her half of the hotel room regardless of her coming or not.

she has just asked... you need to tell her no i guess.

Really really poor form. If it was me I would reply along the lines of:

'Aargh!! I can't find anyone else at such short notice! I suppose I will have to go alone then, I can't cancel it as it is non-refundable and I will be massively out of pocket. Really disappointed about this to be honest, as I only booked a hotel because you can't stay at mine. Are you sure you can't go? It doesn't have to be an expensive weekend, we can bring our own picnic and wine to the hotel. Let me know'

I think anyone half decent would then either agree to come or offer you their share. Either way, I would be tempted to go by myself. But then I love a hotel room, room service and a bit of solitude!

I agree with elassar's approach hi friend, sorry to hear you're strapped for cash - as the hotel and spa is non refundable though you won't make any saving by not coming so might as well still come and enjoy it? We can do free and cheap activities and meals to keep costs down!

I'm not sure whether it's worth losing a friendship over at this point, it doesn't sound like she is expecting you to cover the whole cost, at the moment.

She how she responds to that approach and then adjust your second response accordingly.

And just don't even entertain the thought of covering it all yourself. Go in with the expectation that of course she will refund her half.

YANBU, it’s a rubbish reason to turn you down at the last minute. As you say she isn’t normally like this - is it possible she’s using the ‘saving for a mortgage’ as an excuse for some other financial difficulty she’s found herself in (and doesn’t want to tell you about)?

As I read your OP, so far she’s only asked if you know anyone else who can take her place, she hasn’t actually said she won’t come if you can’t - so I wouldn’t be sending her bills yet. Just say - no, I don’t know anyone unfortunately and, as you know, the hotel and spa are non refundable so we are paying regardless

I think she has behaved very very badly. No decent person treats an old friend like that

YANBU, if it was a case of , I'm so sorry my car blew up and is going to cost x amount to repair and I need it to get to work so now I can't afford it is there any way you can get someone else to go out get your money back, I'd be more understanding by saving for a mortgage isn't an unforseen cost. She's being a CF

She is beind very unreasonable. its no like an emergency came up. she will have known for ages that she is saving for a mortgage. she should pay any costs for you too

Let her know that it is too late to cancel so she owes you the money whether she comes or not as otherwise you will be out of pocket. Put it politely I suppose but she needs to know she won't save money by not coming.

Yeah, sounds to me like she is hoping someone else can go along but has no plans to drop you in it yet.

Just talk to her before you decided that she is a CF who is going to leave you with the bill. She is asking, at this point it is all she is doing.

It is easy to read replies here and think she is a CF who is taking the piss. At this point she simply asked a question. It isn't great to let you down, but if she has no history of being a twat I am not sure why you won't just talk to her about it.

decide*

Ugh.

I mean, I probably wound people up endlessly by saying I couldn't afford things when I'd stuck £500 in my savings that month, but I NEVER went back on an agreed plan. I just let my savings take the hit and planned differently next time.

Ok I read from your post that she is hoping she doesn’t have to come but not that she won’t if no-one can replace her. So I would reply quickly, “sorry, no-one else who wants to do this and not refundable but we don’t have to spend much money while we are there if that’s what’s worrying you.”

If she is trying to back out she still owes you her half, which getting off lightly in my view seeing as you will be out of pocket too through no fault of your own.

She has behaved badly. 36 hours is very little notice and is bad enough without the costs incurred too. What have you said op?

Could you , in the spirit of friendship, tell her not to worry about the money for this weekend, and that she can pay you back her share at the end of the month when she gets paid?

I like miserysquared suggestion...friendly but firm.

Nah, CF! Violet, too nice. Mummy and others are right
This is not like a concert or play that you still want to go to, or a group activity someone else could take her place. You organised so you could see her. Is she still free? Will she come if you pay?
I spent years being out of pocket for tickets when people changed their minds, and also lent money to people who were 'broke' on my overdraft, only to discover they didn't have one, not as broke as me! No more, money up front or no dice.
She can afford this from her savings and has an obligation. I hope you have a nice weeekend and she coughs up. Some people.

She hasn’t actually cancelled has she? She may have panicked and wondered if anyone else would be able to take her place. So reply that, no, there isn’t anyone else and the room etc is non refundable. Then ask if she is coming or not. I would suggest it’s a shame to waste the money and hope she’s going to come.

This was rude of her but she may feel she’s simply asked and you could possibly have a dozen friends lined up wishing to take her place. I’m hoping your weekend may still be recoverable.

So what did you do, OP?