Mis
You’re upset on men’s behalf about the extrapolations that occur in these arguments; because we recognise that there is an unacceptable level of male violence towards women, you are worried about the feelings of the good men?
First of all, I think the good men are ok with this. I know my husband is. He totally gets it. We have conversations about this. He’ll tell me something unacceptable that one of his colleagues said, and how he called them out on it (he’s good like that, and he knows this stuff is better received coming from him than from a woman - go figure). And when I shake my head in solidarity and say “fucking men” he knows that’s shorthand for “fucking patriarchal attitudes and the power they still have over mainstream male culture.”
He’s not offended. He knows the issue is important.
Secondly, the extrapolations are valid. It’s not as simple as a few bad men scattered amongst the good guys. The culture is insidious. Men have to consciously swim against the tide to escape from the prevailing culture, the culture that tells them what their rights over women are, and how important they are.
I have had in depth discussions with intelligent, educated male colleagues who still don’t get that male privilege is a thing. They don’t even recognise their own attitudes. No, that doesn’t make them rapists, but it does make them part of a culture that excuses rape without realising it. It makes it more likely that men will take a risk and push a woman’s boundaries, because these men see support around them, not censure.
Men are, I’m afraid, either part of the solution or part of the problem. There isn’t a sea of great, neutral guys, with a few bad ‘uns floating around.