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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So I uninvite myself again because of this school Mum?

51 replies

Wishfulmakeupping · 12/06/2018 22:52

Trying to keep this short as possible-
Preschool friend since we all started at primary school had shown herself to be a bit of a cow eg bitching, making people feel left out.
Recently because she decided to take her ill child to a party it meant myself and some others didn’t attend.
This weekend a few of the school mums have arranged to go out and someone’s invited her- should I not go and miss out or go and be annoyed by her presence the whole evening?
It seems like no one else can see what I see in her- scheming,bitchy nastiness. I wouldn’t say why I’m not going just politely bow out.

OP posts:
DingDongDenny · 12/06/2018 22:55

In life you are always going to come across people you don't like or don't get on with. You need to learn to just get on with it

If they directly rude or unpleasant to you then challenge them, otherwise I'd just get on with it and talk to the others.

if you don't go you're the only one to suffer, she won't know or care

RainbowGlitterFairy · 12/06/2018 22:57

Go. Ignore her. Life is too short to get pushed out by people like this.

MissVanjie · 12/06/2018 23:04

Like dingdongdenny says, you’d be cutting your nose off to spite your face really

There will always be people you like more than others in any friendship group, you can avoid one on one time with the ones you don’t but you can’t stop other people from liking them or inviting them to group stuff. You have to decide for yourself if the fun you’ll have with the ones you do like is worth being irritated by the ones you don’t.

Leeds2 · 12/06/2018 23:16

I would go, and avoid her. If going out for dinner, make sure you are sat at the other end of the table! But don't let her scare you off from doing something that you want Tod.

Leeds2 · 12/06/2018 23:17

Tod = to do

Rollonweekend · 12/06/2018 23:17

Sounds like you can't really avoid her in the school mum group but why should you deny yourself an opportunity to socialise with them. Go and don't sit near her.

Cherrysherbet · 12/06/2018 23:32

You sound like you're about 5. You say no one else can see what you see in her? Have you considered it might be you, and not her?

Lalliella · 12/06/2018 23:43

Yep, agree with Cherry, are you sure it’s her? You say she leaves people out, so what do you want to do - leave her out? Also YABU to start a sentence with “So”.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 12/06/2018 23:53

Nope. If she’s not bringing an unwell child this time you go. If she says hello, you say hello, other than that you ignore her and chat with everyone else. People will wake up to her if she’s as bad as you say.

ValyrianSteelChastityBelt · 12/06/2018 23:56

* O*P: It seems like no one else can see what I see in her- scheming,bitchy nastiness.

* C*herry: Have you considered it might be you, and not her?

I know someone similar, we were very good friends once and I helped her through some really rough times, I honestly thought we were solid. Turns out she'll trample anyone in her path if it'll better her position.
But she appears to be the bloody messiah at school, always has them flocking around her. I feel like screaming when I hear her bitching about the mums she's just been swanning about with, and she slags them all off to absolute fuck, all the fucking time!! If I stepped in and tried to point it out, I'd look like the bitch and she'd win. Well that's not happening. I calm myself with the thought that she'll definitely get her comeuppance one day.
It's definitely not me!

BackforGood · 13/06/2018 00:07

What Cherry and lalliella said.

NoCanoe · 13/06/2018 01:21

Where is the 'So...' beginning Op's sentence? Im worried abput my eyesight as it is!

NoCanoe · 13/06/2018 01:24

@Lalliella.......

marjorie25 · 13/06/2018 01:42

I would go and sit as far away from her as possible.
Make sure that the bill is not combined. Everyone pays for what they eat. If she is such a person, I could see her ordering more expensive food and say : let's split the bill, hell no. Pay for what you eat.
If the others want to split, the bill, just say you only have a certain amount of money.
In fact go online and check out the menu before, so that you know in advance what you will be having and the cost.

WellAndTrulyCurbed · 13/06/2018 01:49

Really?

Go. Don't go. Hardly worth worrying about. You don't like her so only you know whether you can stand being in her company for whatever time the evening goes for

Original poster
Wishfulmakeupping · 13/06/2018 06:56

belt completely lots of others taken in even though she’s awful about them and even to them. I need to decide whether I can sit through the night or not.
It’s hard because this group is the group I’ve been with since the beginning and she’s just coming across into but now I feel increasingly unwelcome but as said upthread am I cutting my nose off...?
Do I not go and risk isolating myself at the school gate (I know the school gate isn’t a huge deal but I’m a sahm and the interaction is important to me).

OP posts:
AnyLondoner · 13/06/2018 07:00

Go and enjoy, don't let her get to you. Hold your head up high.

maddening · 13/06/2018 07:07

nocanoe- the thread title.

pigeondujour · 13/06/2018 07:07

You should go. You're not doing her a disservice by not going, only yourself. Also if everyone else likes her don't say anything bad about her to anyone, even someone who seems on side.

Original poster
Wishfulmakeupping · 13/06/2018 07:15

pigeon definitely won’t be talking about her to any of the school mums I will let them work her out for themselves although it took me a while- hopefully they’ll catch on more quickly!

OP posts:
KitKat1985 · 13/06/2018 07:18

I agree go, and be polite to her but chat to her as minimally as possible.

shakeyourcaboose · 13/06/2018 07:19

Oh... Have you been 'wendy'd' advance search here on MN for a better explanation than l can give... Definitely go along to this dinner!

Gincision · 13/06/2018 07:26

Also YABU to start a sentence with “So”

FFS it's clearly autocorrect for 'Do' in the thread title. Are you so perfect you never mistype a word or have an autocorrect mishap?

Grammar /spelling pedants, people who think their way of communicating is so much better and everyone else is wrong, and people who are gleeful about pointing out others mistakes are much more unreasonable.

Original poster
Wishfulmakeupping · 13/06/2018 07:34

Thank you Gin sorry was supposed to be ‘Do’ bloody phone- should have said already

OP posts:
FatCow2018 · 13/06/2018 07:38

I don't get all this mums from school socialising together stuff. DD1 is 11, I've never been part of a school Facebook or WhatsApp group or been "friends" with other parents; but she's turned out alright Hmm
Save all this angst and stick to your proper friends, leave school socialising to the children.