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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So I uninvite myself again because of this school Mum?

51 replies

Wishfulmakeupping · 12/06/2018 22:52

Trying to keep this short as possible-
Preschool friend since we all started at primary school had shown herself to be a bit of a cow eg bitching, making people feel left out.
Recently because she decided to take her ill child to a party it meant myself and some others didn’t attend.
This weekend a few of the school mums have arranged to go out and someone’s invited her- should I not go and miss out or go and be annoyed by her presence the whole evening?
It seems like no one else can see what I see in her- scheming,bitchy nastiness. I wouldn’t say why I’m not going just politely bow out.

OP posts:
SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 13/06/2018 07:44

I moved to the area I live in a couple of years ago and as a SAHM I have made a few lovely school mum friends. I think it's a shame when people are closed to the idea of making new friends through school.

Definitely not helpful to us new to an area with no family or existing friends.

Re the OP, go and avoid woman you dislike.

FatCow2018 · 13/06/2018 07:56

I just don't get why you would want to?! Having said that, I'm not a SAHM as I love my career, so maybe I'd see it as less twee if I didn't work.

StrangeLookingParasite · 13/06/2018 07:56

I agree with Valyrian. I do wonder about the motivation of people who do their best to find a way to take a swing at an OP. What does it gain you? Do you feel superior, like you're more discerning that the rest of us sheep normal people?

Juells · 13/06/2018 08:05

I don't understand why you can't go and not be bothered by her. I'm not trying to have a go at you, honestly, but it smacks a bit of someone who used to be a friend of a friend - before she'd go to anything she'd enquire who was going to be there, in case there was someone she didn't like. If there was, she'd flounce, let everyone know why she wasn't going. She was a trial to invite to anything, and people gradually stopped inviting her because of the inquisition about who else was going.

You may not like this person, but she has a right to be invited to things as well. Just have a look at the fact that you're contemplating missing out on something because someone else is going to be there.

Lalliella · 13/06/2018 08:07

Oops sorry yes, realise “So” was a typo, just noticed lately people keep starting sentences with “So” and I find it annoying! So this happened, blah blah, yuck!

Babdoc · 13/06/2018 08:36

If I were a very wicked person, I’d suggest you go along and use this opportunity to land her right in it with the mums who think she’s wonderful.
Remark innocently to them “ I can’t understand why Bitcherella says you’re stupid, I always find you really intelligent”, or “Why does Bitcherella always criticise your dress sense, I love your outfit”, etc.
But I’m not wicked. So I won’t!

Tringley · 13/06/2018 09:22

I don't know. There is someone in one of my friendship groups a bit like this. She isn't mean but she's grabby and entitled and if you give her an inch, she takes a mile. Being in her presence is very uncomfortable. She isn't a bad person but she tends to monopolise a person that she wants something from and that's very often me. So if I go to a gathering and she is there, I barely get to spend any time with the people I really want to talk to and I don't relax at all.

Tbh, this sounds awful, but no-one in the group actually likes her because she is always, always out to get something. Sometimes it's not even anything anyone would really want but it's like she needs to get it just for the sake of getting something. But she isn't a bad person and no-one wants to exclude her either. So a lot of the time I skip meet-ups when I know she will be there as I just don't feel that the stress of dealing with her is worth it. Other times I'm in a better headspace for her and go along (and regret it at least 1/3 of the time). So it's not always a case of missing out if you don't go.

Original poster
Wishfulmakeupping · 13/06/2018 09:36

I think I will go and just try and position myself away from her as much as I’m able to, time to pull up my big girl pants and stuck it up

OP posts:
MissVanjie · 13/06/2018 09:50

was just about to post something along the lines of how I never seem to meet these people who do 'wendying' or deliberately are out to be bitchy, there's only people I click with and people I don't

and then I read this comment

I just don't get why you would want to?! Having said that, I'm not a SAHM as I love my career, so maybe I'd see it as less twee if I didn't work.

ffs how smug are you? if you haven't got anything relevant or pertinent to say, keep your gob shut and jog on instead of being a cunt about sahms, how about them apples

OddestSock · 13/06/2018 09:56

I get it OP. there’s a school mum that I don’t particularly like & really struggle with her. I know I’m not the only one & I know other people see her for how she is as well, but they keep on seeing her & inviting her to stuff because they don’t want to rock the boat & I either go & she manipulates everything, or I take a stand & don’t go & don’t see my good friend (who is a school mum as well, but one I knew from when our oldest were babies).

It makes me really unhappy sometimes because this is basically my life for the next 12 years.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/06/2018 10:15

Only one more year of the crap of queen bees for us. Then secondary. There is light at the end of the tunnel. If she’s as horrible as you say, giving her enough rope isn’t a bad thing.

pigeondujour · 13/06/2018 10:21

Agreed, @MissVanjie. Imagine thinking that seeing friendship and socialising as 'twee' was a brag Blush

MissVanjie · 13/06/2018 10:42

Indeed pigeon

If billy no mates there was less cuntish about women with different lives from her and eased up on the bitch plopping self fellating stealth boasts maybe she too could have first hand experience of friendship groups, just sayin

Tangled59 · 13/06/2018 10:46

Well you havent actually given any examples of how shes "scheming" and nasty so....yabu

AnyLondoner · 13/06/2018 10:49

FatCow2018 seriously? How can you do the school run for years and not talk to any of the parents?

IamaBluebird · 13/06/2018 10:52

'How about them apples' haven't heard that expression for years. It was my mum's favourite expression when I was trying her patience.
Go along and enjoy yourself op, sit with people you like . Brew

frogsoup · 13/06/2018 11:04

"I don't get all this mums from school socialising together stuff. "

It's when you meet people that you like, find you have things in common, and enjoy spending time with them. Sometimes that happens when you meet people.

Juells · 13/06/2018 12:54

Sometimes that happens when you meet people. 🤣

weebarra · 13/06/2018 12:59

Not a stay at home mum. Love my career. Have lots of friends who are school mums, and Shock am also on the PTA. Don't believe I'm twee.
Anyway, go and ignore. You've made good friends so don't let her affect that. Don't engage in chat with or about her. Keep your own counsel.

Original poster
Wishfulmakeupping · 13/06/2018 13:24

D

OP posts:
prunemerealgood · 13/06/2018 13:29

School mum friends are SO hit and miss and also people have such different tolerances for the behaviour of others - I wouldn't overthink it. If you like lots of the others, go, and ignore who you don't want to talk to.
If you think they are all a bit so-so, curl up with a good book and don't worry.
(And having been a SAHM who also needed the interaction - I'd say get a hobby and find people who aren't annoying.)

BackforGood · 14/06/2018 00:10

AnyLondoner - she didn't say she never spoke to anyone, just that her social life didn't depend on them.
I'm the same tbh - got on fine with other parents, exchanged pleasantries, but never went out with any of them. It's not that odd.

frogsoup · 14/06/2018 08:42

No but what is odd is expressing amazement that anyone would want to, and calling it 'twee' Confused There's this weird badge of honour on mn for some people to actively sneer at school gate friendships. I think that kind of sneering is an indicator of insecurity and lack of ability to make friends easily, because the people I've met at the school gate are no different to people you might meet anywhere - some are amazing, some i have nothing in common with. Writing them off just because they happen to be 'school mums' snacks to me of wanting to cover up the face that they find it difficult meeting new people.

frogsoup · 14/06/2018 08:43

*smacks!!!

frogsoup · 14/06/2018 08:43

*fact. Effing autocorrect!