to ask how do private schools produce such "confident" kids / adults and how I can do it at home?

[dragontwo]

Ok, I have my reservations about private schools, but I recognise that often they produce kids / adults with high self confidence and self assurance.

I want to know how they do this, how they drill this confidence into them, and how I can replicate any beneficial aspects of this at home into my own kid (state schooled)?

What do they say / do / teach that encourages them to be so confident and expect success?

I know there are down sides to everything but I'm just thinking about good ideas I can help my kid. NB I'm no tiger mother and do my best to encourage my kid as it is already but just looking for ideas and general thoughts on how it's done!!

Just curious!

There are places like Bredon, Buern, Shapwick, St Dominics, Eggerton Rothsay that are specifically SEN.

Then other places just considered to be inclusive like Bedales.

User

There is a school near to us that most people avoid. The results are pretty poor so parents don't tend to apply there.
What many don't know it's a fantastic school for children with sn, they are supported throughout and get the results they deserve, rather than being left in confusion and unsupported in other state secondaries round here.
It would definitely be our choice if dd didn't attend her school.
Not treating you like an idiot, I'm sure you've thought of similar schools in your area.
They may not produce children with 9's or even 6's but they do teach and support them better than other options.

Thanks Gillybeanz and Ladypeacock. Sadly none of those are nearby and yes Gillybeanz there was one which my ds was going to attend but had his place withdrawn when the new head and governors decided to “ raise standards” and did a cull of SEN children. I guess that is my biggest fear that it could happen again.

It is hard as my other ds is having a superb education in state which actually gets on par results with the Indies as do the majority of State Secondary but I know my little will not be able to cope with such a large school but the Indies around here now while 10 years ago used to cater for this gap it seems the new generation of heads want to discourage SEN. The ones who will accept usually want parents to fund a TA which can double fees.

Apologies for going off topic xx

Our school has several free clubs a day and several extra cost ones where external people are brought in. The only extra clubs we pay for are individual music lessons. The quality of teacher club varies but some are very good.

I have to say the additional support needs are amazing and there is a whole additional support unit in the school that pulls kids out of class for individual work in addition to early morning additional support clubs. But there is also an assumption that we will get dc to school for 8am or even 7:30 to receive this support.

With regard to selection by income and house price... where we live (Devon Cornwall borders) it is irrelevant. There are two (huge catchment areas, rural, mostly very low income) comprehensives to decide between ((8 -10 form entry both schools)) and both require improvement. How do you choose between two failing schools, unless you opt for the (non-selective) private school that at least gets most of its students through to passable a levels provided you can pay the fees? we are paying the fees, but most families couldn't.

For this reason, I get very irked when posters tell us that inner London comprehensives get almost double the per capita funding that is paid locally. And people in the Southeast wonder why the UK periphery voted as they did in the EU referendum? It's because the playing field is not level for all our children.

Poshpenny

I do love the image of the big Sunday table full of guests and all being expected come hook or by crook, to contribute ! Sounds like a great confidence builder once the initial fear is beaten.

DC both attend a selctive independent school. It has excellent 'free' SEN support, by which i mean friends wuth DC in other local independent schools have said they pay £££ for waht SEN DS2 gets free,
As well as DS2s free counselling, SEN 1-2-1 and SEN group therapy and peer mentoring shcemes. there are loads of 'free' clubs, including choir, drama, CCF, sports, etc. We oay forindividual music sessions, as anyone does,but that's it. All else is included. This is at what is thought of locally as a super selective and the fees are at the lower end of the scale locally, despite 20% of all pupils being bursary recipients.

Mina and Mozzy I would love to know what schools they are just in case they are near me. Pm if you prefer and thank you xx

user1466 why don't you say roughly where you are and then people can let you know of anywhere nearby.

I went to private school and I’m so unconfident BECAUSE of private school. I was crushed. More than anything teach your children - who they are is enough & not to value their self worth based on grades !

Ladypeacock im in Herts x

St Christopher's in Letchworth?

Thanks Katherina but St Chris are trying to pull away from being SEN friendly. They are turning away prospective pupils that they would have welcomed s few years sgo, its happening a lot across Herts. Egerton Rothsay is too far for us xx

Oh really? Sorry to hear that. Inclusiveness and progressiveness used to be their USP.

Cblue I have a very dyslexic DS and would love a PM with tips please. Panicing about secondary already and he is only 8!

User- What about Sherrardswood in WGC?

Just to add, they are brilliant with SEN and out and proud.

Peppershake thank you have pm you xx

User - I’ve also pm’d you.

@Gentlygently will PM you tomorrow!

Lots of stuff we tried and in her case lots of stuff failed. All of it is worth a shot.

Funnily enough not the 'normal' solutions in her case which is why I think it's worth sharing!!!!

How do they get kids so confident?

More than anything else I think coming from a relatively well off background gives you confidence, as well as to become accustomed to privileges. Both those bought buy the parents through their paid for education and the ones that come in life.

For example, look at Jacob Rees Mogg he "bought shares" when he was gifted £50 as a child, and attended AGMs and hectored directors about the size of the dividends paid. Now as shares cannot be owned directly by children he had no position to be at an AGM, however his father was the editor of the Times so he was indulged.

He went to Oxford, from Eton, and achieved a 2.2 History degree he went to be a banker in Hong Kong (again through father's contacts) and in the world of finance he didn't really set the world alight, his Lloyd George Emerging Markets fund under performed in comparison to other funds in the same market at the same time, suggesting poor stock selection. Yet he was later asked to become the chairman of a new company (fronting only a small amount of the cash himself). Mainly because he is a name and opens the doors to the right sort of contact, not because he is any good.

He isn't a great mind, but he has the confidence to say things and people take him seriously, even when he is wrong. He went on Marr last week saying that the UK wouldn't have to check EU imports at Calais, which is wrong and utterly against WTO rules (unless of course we give that to everyone), but still felt confident enough to do it.

It isn't extra curricular activities, it isn't the small class sizes, its being accustomed to privilege and to people deferring to you because of it.

Oh and its amazing how many people on MN "scrimp and save" to send their kids private, and go without a foreign holiday to send kids to private school, the average day school fees £13,194, so for two kids you need to have scrimped and saved more than the average salary (before tax) in order to send them.

There will be some people who do this, there will be some kids whose GPs pay, but lets not pretend that the vast majority of children attending private school are from wealthy backgrounds.

Also, it makes it easier to try something and fail, if you are from one of these, those from less well off backgrounds may have to make safe choices in order to keep a roof over their head.

I don't think it's a public speaking thing. I was never chosen to speak in assembly or anything. I think it comes more from being given opportunities to learn basics. In sixth form we had to do our own washing there were cooking classes etc.

I think its independence/ self sufficiency that give you confidence to navigate the world. We were put in difficult situations, challenged in class, and asked to problem solve.

"I think its independence/ self sufficiency that give you confidence to navigate the world. We were put in difficult situations, challenged in class, and asked to problem solve."

Independence and self sufficiency? Kids in state schools are challenged in class and given problems to solve, kids who get 3 As at A level from private and state schools progress to the same results at uni, kids who get 3 bs? The ones from state schools do better.

Privilege more like.