to wonder why some posters on MN are so nasty?

[user1485342611]

All up for a good debate, and a disagreement about views and opinions.

But some posters are so nasty. Either overtly - personal insults, comments like 'every road has someone like you' which I saw on a thread recently and so on; or deliberately doing the 'look how tolerant I am and how I'm very intolerantly insulting you whilst beamingly being tolerant' type posts.

I've seen a lot of this lately and it's beginning to really put me of MN.

it is not just mumsnet.
look on community pages on facebook?
look on newspaper comments section.
nasty keyboard warriors aplenty.

Some people are just professionally snarky and seem to have nothing better to do then give out shit to strangers on the internet to make themselves feel better.

However I find there's much more good than bad on this site and have benefitted from some good advice myself more than once.

I disagree with this view that people wouldn't say these things in RL. Why wouldn't they? I say the same in RL as I do online.

OP, I’ve noticed this too. It’s a shame.

AIBU can be unpleasant at times and unfortunately as with any other social media, people tend to feel empowered behind a computer. People need to remember that like any other social media, Mumsnet is going to attract all sorts of people, some of whom we wouldn't associate with in the 'real world'. It would be nice if people could make more effort to be pleasant and accept that we are all different and (within reason) we are not necessarily awful for having different views. Personally I try to avoid the politics threads because they often seem to go downhill fast. The non AIBU pages are much less judgmental in my experience and people are often very supportive of others when they need support.

There’s some really funny posts on this excellent topic

“It’s not just Mumsnet”
“Clearly you only read AIBU”
“Who are you to call us out on this”

All non sequiturs that don’t address the actual topic at hand, which is why are certain people so nasty on Mumsnet

OP, I entirely agree with you, I’ve seen loads of folk on here spot a post where someone is clearly vulnerable and confused, then take their time to write a nasty, spiteful, goading post.

The classics are when someone comes on with an issue with their sex life, or a neighbour/workmate dispute, and have been honest about their failings. Despite their honesty, certain posters become gleefully vicious and rip apart that person and their perceived failings, “don’t you think you’re cold/I would have left you/I’d fckn hate to be anywhere near you” etc

How does anything that personal help? Surely a “have you considered X”, “I urge you to talk to Y” takes the same amount of time to type?

There’s just some sick and twisted people out there OP

I didn’t know it wasn’t always like this!

Did it used to be better then.

I often wonder that, we all post for advise or maybe for conversation, and some mn-ers whack you down like you just said you've made your dc eat there own arm... A nice yes or no, agree/disagree is all is required. 😔

And you do have to admit, that some people really do have an astounding lack of self-awareness, and so sort of deserve to have their arse handed to them

I disagree with this. Being nasty to other posters because you think they 'deserve it' is weird, it's also against talk guidelines. If you disagree with them then tell them and tell them why. I get that some posters might benefit from more straightforward advice than others but there is never any need to be outwardly nasty to someone else. Also, if someone has a really warped view on things why would you think that being nasty to them would help change their view. Surely the best way to change their view is to engage with them and explain your reasonings.

I think bullies just can't enough of the high they get from being nasty in rl so they troll the internet to post nasty comments to get their fix.

I think it’s just people dissatisfied with their lot and so take it out on others.

Whether they’ve put on weight and hate themselves, are in pain, have a job they hate, are sleep deprived, have partners or family who are nasty, are jealous types who always think others have it better than them...

...they just want to hurt others so they feel miserable like they do.

It's been 'like this' for the 10 years I've been here. As have the regular 'isn't MN nasty' threads.

I don’t really see any nasty comments, they seem to have been removed by the time I get to them. I think most posters are pretty nice.

There's definitely a 'follow the leader' effect at times as well. The first reply is nasty and cutting and a load of other posters delightedly join in, some obviously not even having bothered to read the OP properly but just getting in on the act.

I think there are a lot of bullies around and a lot of mental health issues that mean there's less ability to empathise.
That said, the nastiest MNer I ever knew was sweetness itself on the site, and an absolute horror in person!

I think some people are just bullies and others find some kind of affirmation by joining an angry mob. I agree that some posts and posters can be really nasty on here and it's as though they've forgotten there are real people behind the OPs.

I think the majority of posters are decent and kind, but there are a few that seem gleeful at the opportunity to rip into someone for the least little thing. Then the post goes downhill until someone comes along with a kinder view. Eventually you take their posts with a pinch of salt because they just enjoy being hateful.

I think in RL people/strangers are more nasty, road rage everywhere.

www.thedailymash.co.uk/features/a-10-point-guide-to-being-a-dick-in-the-internet-20180206143808

*I think it’s just people dissatisfied with their lot and so take it out on others.

Whether they’ve put on weight and hate themselves, are in pain, have a job they hate, are sleep deprived, have partners or family who are nasty, are jealous types who always think others have it better than them...

...they just want to hurt others so they feel miserable like they do.*

100% this post.

I see it with the LTB thing. Someone can post that their dh has committed the most minor of misdemeanours (or wishes to see their parents once a decade...) and some posters are screaming that he's abusive and the OP must leave. It seems they want all relationships to fail.

Also I notice on the Education boards in particular people make jealous snipes that they couldn't possibly make (hopefully!) in real life. We all grin like maniacs if someone tells us in person about Jocasta's 12 A*s (or 9s in new money), but inside you're raging that your own ds has only got an "Ology".

Tillywillywoo

Everything I say online I would and have said in RL.

Agree Imra, the education board so irritating. You can go on there asking for specific advice on a subject but you always get a load of people derailing the purpose of the thread by telling you're an idiot for paying for private school or you're perpetuating inequality in society by buying an expensive house in the catchmnent of the best school etc. Really annoying.

I actually think that people who post very nasty goady remarks on here are probably like that in real life but manage to keep it hidden. It's not nice to think that maybe a small proportion of people you know in life actually have those thoughts, and maybe mumsnet is a nice anonymous outlet for them to let it all out?

I often read an Op on aibu and think, now how can this possibly upset, annoy, antagonise etc etc, and low and behold, within minutes the ops getting shot down in flames. The thing is, if you're posting in Aibu you need to be very very careful of your Op, because it's guaranteed to be getting scrutinised for any slight word out of place, or possible offence, or unless the post is crystal clear it will be deliberately misconstrued.

Then instead of getting the help/support you wanted you're spending your time having to defend yourself against the fuckwits who come on purely to tear you apart.