to wonder why some posters on MN are so nasty?

[user1485342611]

All up for a good debate, and a disagreement about views and opinions.

But some posters are so nasty. Either overtly - personal insults, comments like 'every road has someone like you' which I saw on a thread recently and so on; or deliberately doing the 'look how tolerant I am and how I'm very intolerantly insulting you whilst beamingly being tolerant' type posts.

I've seen a lot of this lately and it's beginning to really put me of MN.

[TisNowt]

Indeed the best advice my closest friend every gave me was something I absolutely didn't want to hear and was very blunt

I bet you friend was a lot kinder than some of the nasty posters on Mumsnet though. There is nothing wrong with giving 'straight' advice on Mumsnet - the problem is the posters who do it in a nasty and sneezy way. I regularly disagree with OPs but I explain why and phrase things kindly... mostly coz I don't want to be a bitch but also because it's obvious that people respond better to advice that's thoughtful and not unkind.

[busybarbara]

I can think of a lot of threads where people are egging the OP on to take a certain course of action because it's entertaining

The DH who didn't immediately stop as he was about to ejaculate and came 5 seconds later (during otherwise consensual sex) jumps to mind. As far as I recall, he was painted as a rapist and the poster encouraged to leave him despite it starting out as a "is it OK if I'm upset about this?" type thread.

[birdsdestiny]

Indeed the best advice my closest friend every gave me was something I absolutely didn't want to hear and was very blunt. She was however being a very good friend. I see many of the MN advice as like that. I think there are plenty of other places on the internet what you can go to be told oh hon you are doing the right thing.

[Twombly]

Mumsnet has a terrible reputation "out there".

Doesn't that rather depend on who you mix with 'out there'? It's not my experience. I also disagree that people say things here they wouldn't in RL. While that may be true for a proportion of individuals, I generally think people in RL are ruder and more difficult than people here, and that people here are frequently generous with their time and insights well past the point you could ordinarily expect from a stranger. It may be easier to be rude to strangers on the internet, but it's also easier to confide in them and comfort them than it mostly is in RL.

I do think there's a lot of sheeple though, a mob mentality even. I can think of a lot of threads where people are egging the OP on to take a certain course of action because it's entertaining, and anyone who tries to put forward a more measured point of view is absolutely savaged. That's a bit shocking to see, but a salutary reminder of how the mob mentality is latent in a lot of us, despite what we may think.

[slippersinsummer]

There are a lot of bullies, but they still wonder why their snowflake is getting bullied in school. No one is allowed have a PFB or a snowflake apart from them, of course.

There is lot of projecting that goes on. Op you sound xxxx .

I don't believe they all have the amazing lives they make out.

I don't like the netmums app as I read on my phone, but I prefer them.

I regularly delete the Mumsnet app thinking it's all so unfriendly.

[Imchlibob]

I think the sometimes brutal honesty that is available on mn is sometimes exactly what people are seeking out. People are cautious to criticise in real life and are more likely to be supportive and affirming if possible, or will tactfully change the subject if that's not possible. Sometimes people need to be told that they are being unreasonable and they need to get a grip and it's way better to be told that anonymously by a bunch of strangers than it is to have to hear it from your friends and family. Or worse, never hearing it and having friends and family quietly drop you because they'd rather lose their relationship with you than be the one to tell you an unwelcome truth.

[HildaZelda]

Realistically a lot of nasty posters are people who are so miserable and unhappy in their own lives that bullying people online seems to be the only way they feel as though they're 'in control'.

The majority of them are keyboard warriors who wouldn't have the guts to say any of it to a persons face, but it's easy to be brave when you're sitting behind a computer and there are no repercussions.
The remaining few were probably the school bullies back in the day and they've grown up to be the exact same.

[ghostyslovesheets]

Practice

[Namechangedforthispost18]

There are a lot of people on here who are as you describe, it is a shame.

[busybarbara]

if you're posting in Aibu you need to be very very careful of your Op, because it's guaranteed to be getting scrutinised for any slight word out of place

And if you say there's anything slightly negative in your relationship, you're going to get harangued into splitting up with your partner, even when that's not appropriate or sensible. I'd put money on people unduly splitting up or reporting partners to the police, etc, due to pressure given on AIBU.

[Odoreida]

When I read / post on this board, I feel myself getting really bitchy. I think of really coruscating things to say in a way that I don't usually otherwise. I don't post these things but I definitely think them! I think the style encourages others somehow

[clearysclock]

I often read an Op on aibu and think, now how can this possibly upset, annoy, antagonise etc etc, and low and behold, within minutes the ops getting shot down in flames. The thing is, if you're posting in Aibu you need to be very very careful of your Op, because it's guaranteed to be getting scrutinised for any slight word out of place, or possible offence, or unless the post is crystal clear it will be deliberately misconstrued.

Then instead of getting the help/support you wanted you're spending your time having to defend yourself against the fuckwits who come on purely to tear you apart.

[clearysclock]

I actually think that people who post very nasty goady remarks on here are probably like that in real life but manage to keep it hidden. It's not nice to think that maybe a small proportion of people you know in life actually have those thoughts, and maybe mumsnet is a nice anonymous outlet for them to let it all out?

[givemesteel]

Agree Imra, the education board so irritating. You can go on there asking for specific advice on a subject but you always get a load of people derailing the purpose of the thread by telling you're an idiot for paying for private school or you're perpetuating inequality in society by buying an expensive house in the catchmnent of the best school etc. Really annoying.

[greendale17]

Everything I say online I would and have said in RL.

[Chocolatelavender]

Tillywillywoo

[IrmaFayLear]

I think it’s just people dissatisfied with their lot and so take it out on others.

Whether they’ve put on weight and hate themselves, are in pain, have a job they hate, are sleep deprived, have partners or family who are nasty, are jealous types who always think others have it better than them...

...they just want to hurt others so they feel miserable like they do.

100% this post.

I see it with the LTB thing. Someone can post that their dh has committed the most minor of misdemeanours (or wishes to see their parents once a decade...) and some posters are screaming that he's abusive and the OP must leave. It seems they want all relationships to fail.

Also I notice on the Education boards in particular people make jealous snipes that they couldn't possibly make (hopefully!) in real life. We all grin like maniacs if someone tells us in person about Jocasta's 12 A*s (or 9s in new money), but inside you're raging that your own ds has only got an "Ology".

[Tillywillywoo]

www.thedailymash.co.uk/features/a-10-point-guide-to-being-a-dick-in-the-internet-20180206143808

[Slartybartfast]

I think in RL people/strangers are more nasty, road rage everywhere.

[Katedotness1963]

I think the majority of posters are decent and kind, but there are a few that seem gleeful at the opportunity to rip into someone for the least little thing. Then the post goes downhill until someone comes along with a kinder view. Eventually you take their posts with a pinch of salt because they just enjoy being hateful.

[PretABoire]

I think some people are just bullies and others find some kind of affirmation by joining an angry mob. I agree that some posts and posters can be really nasty on here and it's as though they've forgotten there are real people behind the OPs.

[prunemerealgood]

I think there are a lot of bullies around and a lot of mental health issues that mean there's less ability to empathise.
That said, the nastiest MNer I ever knew was sweetness itself on the site, and an absolute horror in person!

[user1485342611]

There's definitely a 'follow the leader' effect at times as well. The first reply is nasty and cutting and a load of other posters delightedly join in, some obviously not even having bothered to read the OP properly but just getting in on the act.

[4dogs]

I don’t really see any nasty comments, they seem to have been removed by the time I get to them. I think most posters are pretty nice.

[ParellelReality]

It's been 'like this' for the 10 years I've been here. As have the regular 'isn't MN nasty' threads.