to think these children ARE overweight?

[OkMaybeNot]

The schools in my area have just sent out the results of the National Child Measurement Programme.

There are a number of acquaintances/friends on my social media who have posted their child's result online, along with a picture of their child and an angry rant about how their child is as skinny as a rake, not an ounce of fat on them, 'stocky' not 'fat', perfectly healthy etc etc.

But they are. Some of them are very overweight and plainly so. Others may be a little bit chubby and due for a growth spurt or something, but clearly not slim, either.

There are streams of comments underneath these posts agreeing and expressing their disgust and anger. And I'm wondering if everyone's lying, or they genuinely believe that these children are slim?

I know BMI is notoriously squiffy when it comes to kids, and I have seen genuine cases of it being so totally wrong it's laughable, especially when it comes to strong, athletic children. But that isn't the case for these children, at all.

AIBU to think that you owe it to your child to at least consider the results before going on the defensive?

I don’t really eat breakfast. I just have tea and fruit. It’s not that awful. She didn’t say he goes to school hungry or with nothing in the mornings.

I really find all the gavel banging on here about three square meals a bit outdated and stuffy.

Grazing on healthy food isn’t a problem as long as you aren’t consuming too much or too much of the wrong thing. Obviously free access though chocolate all day is not a good idea, but what difference does it make if you make a child stuff their face at meal times or if you let them eat the same food and calories, just in smaller, more frequent meals? It’s all very well as an adult saying that they have to obey the rules on mealtimes, but for a very young child, three big meals might not be suitable.

I think insisting on three meals only has as much to do with social expectations as it does nutrition. A child who eats 6 small, healthy meals is healthier than the children putting away three adult sized portions of crap for example. It isn’t as simple as 3 meals = slim and healthy, snacks = fat and unhealthy.

Eating until you're full is not a good idea generally. You should eat until you're satisfied, which means about 80% full. Your stomach needs space for hydration and for the digestive gases to start building up, which will very soon make you feel fuller

My reception age DS's results put him at 60th percentile, so above the half way line for healthy weight but well within the healthy range. He is a strong boy and I would describe him as slightly stocky. You can usually see his ribs but he is not skinny. However, according to his measurements, he could put on weight and still be within the healthy range.

Based on this, I cannot understand how anyone whose child is measured as overweight cannot easily see that their child is, in fact, overweight.

Unusually, I was heavier than my daughters growing up. A good stone heavier than DD1 at 12 which I can see is still in the healthy range but at the top end.

DH was also a chunky boy and a chubby/well-made adult and his mum is a superb cook. I did eat a lot of convenience food and snacks in the 80s as my parents can't cook. But luckily that made me teach myself, when it could have gone the other way.

I don't believe most people or their children are lazy and greedy, or that we have become lazier and greedier as a society. I think we have become more stressed out and knackered through longer, demanding working hours and convenience foods and takeaways being more available - and food tasting better! Food used to be shit in the UK! And people are drinking more alcohol because it's relative cheap (and tastes nice, fuck me, wine used to taste shit as well). I don't mean people going out and getting pissed, but people buying stuff from the supermarket and drinking half a bottle of wine or more a night and thinking nothing of it, but that is an extra few hundred calories a day.

I just think if I can become obese (as I was in the obese range a year and a half ago) then anyone can. I was a total gym bunny, ran marathons in my 20s and was BMI 19. Put weight on when pregnant but managed to lose most of it, but after DD2 struggled to even be normal BMI. Always exercised and tried every diet under the sun, but still managed to gain weight overall during my 30s. Also have endometriosis and have had mild-moderate depression and A LOT of work stress in the past.

What worked for me was a) changing my job b) getting a dog - focussing on everyday steps and activity for fitness not "proper exercise" and going down the gym c) 5:2 diet. I'll have to do 6:1 forever though to keep the weight off.

Puglife15

This

My DD is 8 and v muscular and active. She’s not overweight but she’s not skinny and is obsessed with food. She eats a v healthy and varied diet but will always claim to be hungry and pester me for unhealthy food. It’s something that causes a lot of conflict between us. I also get exasperated by how many clubs and activities just give kids sweets or run tuck shops 🙄

DD walks miles with us, swims every week, goes to gymnastics, trampolining and Cubs. She is always on the go, walks to and from school and represents her school in athletics. She is much more active than many children her age yet many of her peers are absolutely twig like! Her tall skinny cousins live on Diet Coke, junk food and chocolate and are driven everywhere.

My point is that this is a complex issue - if I gave in to my DD’s demands she would be overweight without question notwithstanding her v v active lifestyle. Also some children are completely disinterested in food or borderline food phobic and therefore eat little and are v v skinny. This ain’t because of the way they are parented but because they don’t eat enough. Similarly some children have the enviable ability to eat anything and remain v v thin.

I really struggle with how I should handle this issue because I don’t want my DD to feel self conscious but not do I want her to eat sweets all the time. My DH, who was an overweight child, says he was made to feel that sweets were special and therefore wanted them all of the time. 🤫

I try to promote this as a helath issue but it’s hard because many of her peers eat v unhealthy food despite being v thin.

We probably all know children who are overweight through parental food choices but this is a v complex issue and metabolism does have a part to play. I have a number of friends with more than 1 child who eat identical amounts and yet are different sizes.

That's completely opposite to my experience. I remember being really really hungry. I also remember other children being hungry and us talking about food a lot and being scared to ask for food as we'd be told off.

That sounds like you were not given enough food at proper mealtimes

That sounds like you were not given enough food at proper mealtimes

You can give a child food at ‘proper’ mealtimes and they might still not eat it. Unless you’re in the ‘starve them till they eat what I tell them to’ camp, then you can’t just “give” a child food and expect them to eat till you say stop. That’s so unhealthy.

It's finding the balance though isn't it?

Many years ago you really did either eat or go without. It was almost unheard of that you would go round some ones house with a pre approved meal or a bag full of back up food

No kid sat there with an empty plate at a party as they weren't Tesco sausages in the green packet and the party ring icing was the wrong colour.

Could it not be that the worry about kids not eating enough and the fact that shops are open til 11 or even 24 hours now mean people are in a better position to just go grab a packet of potato smiles and give the kids those instead and has contributed to the number of children who don't eat.

TigerTooth
I totally agree that genetics plays a part in weight. My parents used to complain that I ate nothing as a child yet I was probably at the top of normal weight or slightly into overweight and felt a lot fatter than most of the other children. I genuinely ate very little.

My dh was also a little overweight as a child. We both slimmed down naturally in our teens. To such an extent for me that it was suggested I may be anorexic. Perhaps I was a little as eating was one thing I could control.

I said way upthread my dd is overweight but not obese. She is very sporty and fit and her muscles are quite developed especially on her legs. Like dh as a child, she eats a lot. Like me she has a sweet tooth. She was never overweight until I became ill and disabled. I do hope she grows upwards and slims down as a teen.

You can give a child food at ‘proper’ mealtimes and they might still not eat it.

They go hungry then. They will soon learn to eat up so they don't feel so hungry later on in the day.

Well yes exactly @giles. It’s a different world. Food is readily available at all hours of the day. What do we propose parents do about that? It’s there, it’s available. It’s no longer the 70s. That’s just the way it is.

It’s precisely because of this that I think the “oh we had three meals and we were thin” argument isn’t quite right. Yes, you, well we, grew up in different circumstances. We can’t turn back the clock.

It’s precisely because of the times we’re living in that I think education is so important. Yes, the food is there, but you realise if you eat that ice cream sundae, then that’s double your fat and sugar allowance for the day and most of your calories? You need to do this much running to burn it off.

I’d also personally ban all sweets, puddings and cakes from all school events and meals. PE needs to be upped too.

Solutions for today, not harking back to when I were a lass you see.

Given the positive benefits schools have reported I wonder why more schools don’t do the 1 mile walk a day?

Yanbu. My friend has three children. Eldest is slim and the younger two are clearly overweight. They do eat healthy meals, lots of veg and salad etc but their portion sizes are huge and she lets them snack on crap constantly.

The difference in the elder one is she seems to have her own inbuilt portion control. She stops eating when she's full (never seen her clear a plate though she eats well) and doesn't ask for snacks all the time. She's 7, the younger two are 5 and 3. It may well be the snacking habit has been broken for the older one since being at school I don't know.

No kidding, I saw the 3 year old eat 3/4 of a tube of pringles a few weeks ago not long after lunch as a snack. 'He's like a bottomless pit' she laughed. No, he's greedy, he can't possibly be hungry still after a roast chicken sandwich, salad, double portion of yoghurt, a boiled egg, a kit kat and a couple of big chunks of cheese.

No wonder we have an obesity epidemic is it?

I saw a primary school aged child on the bus at around 8am yesterday eating a McDonald's with a large milkshake and he had an orange juice as well. I would say he was obese. It was a real shame. He was with with a woman eating a similar meal, equally overweight. The availability of fast food restaurants open in the morning for breakfast, or maybe they'd bought it the night before, must have something to do with it. Could have been a one-off emergency meal, who knows?

My girl is a little rotund. She almost 3 but she's been that way since a few weeks of age on breastmilk only.
She has a healthy diet, everything we eat is cooked from scratch apart from a takeout pizza maybe once every 2 months. Lots of veg and fruit, wholemeal bread. We don't buy biscuits, chocolate, crisps or sweets for the kids. They drink only water, no squash, no fizzy, even milk is only on cereal. Pudding after dinner is fruit or plain greek yoghurt.
She has a chocolat croissant once a fortnight when I do the grocery shop as a bribe to behave. Rarely has a morning snack, afternoon snack is something like blueberries and a breadstick, an oatcake, or an organix oat bar.
I can only put it down to having a massive appetite, she can eat an huge portion of dinner. If I give her a tiny portion she devours it and asks for more.

The physical size of plates might have something to do with it. They've have grown hugely over my lifetime. My parents' or grandparents' plates are much smaller in diameter, so perhaps a more appropriate amount of food is put on them. Children need child-sized plates, definitely not adult-sized plates as well.

Meant to add, I wonder if children who complain of being hungry, etc, are actually bored instead, and they wouldn't feel hungry or be conscious of being hungry, if they actually were, if they were engaged in something interesting.

It's really hard tho, for working parents. I was given lots of food at my meal times which I ate all of - as did my friends. But there is a contradictions between advice. A lot of people (on MN especially) advocate eating together as a family. But if the adults in your family work, it's likely the evening meal wont be till 6-7pm. That isn't an outrageously late time to feed a child is it? But if they haven't had lunch since noon, it's quite a wait, regardless of what they ate.

We have opted to not eat with the children so they can eat earlier and not be hungry - even at weekends. Altho we eat really late at about 9pm in the week, so i'd never expect them to last that long - i can't and snack with the dc at 5pm.

Giles - i remember lots of kids not eating stuff as it wasn't what they liked. I was one of them. Which is why i always had a packed lunch - like DS1 does.

It's a mix of parenting and genetics - I suspect (from adoption studies) that the genetics play a bigger part than people like to think.

I'm fat and my husband is really slim. I'm terrified about my 3 year old ending up like me. He definitely loves food and he eats really well at the moment - loads of veg, only drinks water and so on. I think once I no longer have total control of his eating he'll be fat. I've seen him eat three puddings at christmas for example. Now as a one off no problem and he's perfectly healthy size right now but he is quite clearly going to be in trouble when he can get those puddings himself any time he wants.

I don't know what to do about this - my best hope is just to try to keep him really active.

Primary kids now seem to have 1 PE lesson a week. If there is even a drizzle they seem to be kept indoors and a movie is put on at playtime .

Despite all the 'healthy eating' messages and strict rules on packed lunches, both the primaries my children go/went to seem to have pudding every day, fish & chip Fridays, sausages/pizza another day etc.

Yes parents are responsible, but this doesn't help.

Two nephews. The elder will pick food, eat what he needs and is the size he should be. The younger (2) is already like his (quite fat) father. He would eat and eat and eat if he were let. He doesn't know any better so my sister has to manage appropriate portions for him.

Meant to add, I wonder if children who complain of being hungry, etc, are actually bored instead, and they wouldn't feel hungry or be conscious of being hungry, if they actually were, if they were engaged in something interesting

Interesting point. I was chatting to a Cruise Director about how he managed to keep all the people on the ship happy. He said that the first rule was to ensure food was available all day from early until very late; then passengers were happy.

It's a complete mystery why so many children are overweight or obese because from comments on here no parent is doing anything wrong are they?
Apparently, children in the 1950s or 60s were normal weight because their parents were monsters who starved them and didn't care about their feelings. Bastards!
Giving them three meals a day was AWFUL! Today's children couldn't cope with that trauma! Saying No was akin to abuse!
Keep denying a parents part in this....let the obesity epidemic continue, it's only their health at stake after all..

Gottagetmoving - I do agree that obese children is an issue that needs to be tackled to stop things worsening.

But those slim children of the 50's and 60's grew up to be overweight and obese adults. The highest levels of obesity are in 45-74 years olds.

exercise has very little to do with it. Its the massive portions of food they eat and the constant snacking. Its fine to be hungry.