to think these children ARE overweight?

[OkMaybeNot]

The schools in my area have just sent out the results of the National Child Measurement Programme.

There are a number of acquaintances/friends on my social media who have posted their child's result online, along with a picture of their child and an angry rant about how their child is as skinny as a rake, not an ounce of fat on them, 'stocky' not 'fat', perfectly healthy etc etc.

But they are. Some of them are very overweight and plainly so. Others may be a little bit chubby and due for a growth spurt or something, but clearly not slim, either.

There are streams of comments underneath these posts agreeing and expressing their disgust and anger. And I'm wondering if everyone's lying, or they genuinely believe that these children are slim?

I know BMI is notoriously squiffy when it comes to kids, and I have seen genuine cases of it being so totally wrong it's laughable, especially when it comes to strong, athletic children. But that isn't the case for these children, at all.

AIBU to think that you owe it to your child to at least consider the results before going on the defensive?

Speaking for myself, I spent a LOT of time reassuring DD aged about 10 that she wasn't fat, just 'more labrador than whippet', whilst doing everything I could behind the scenes to keep her weight down and her exercise levels and self-esteem up.

I wouldn't have put her on social media, but could there be an element of wanting their child to see that everyone is saying nice things about them too?

My child was deemed obese at this thing. Turned out they'd knocked 10cm off the height, DC was actually well under 50th %ile BMI. So if I see these posts I tend to advise people to check the measurements themselves. If it's wrong then there was nothing to worry about, if it's right then people are more likely to believe it.

YANBU
Seeing the amount of children in DC's school who are clearly very overweight or even obese, who struggle to run around and are given a practicly a pack lunch at pick up because they are so hungry makes me so angry.
DS(8, healthy weight) went on a playdate last week and the mum was so concerned after than he only ate half his dinner and kept questioning if he normally eats enough because he looks so tiny next her DS (very overweight)

I was thought of as fat as a kid. Looking back I was slightly plump. But I was in the 60s the fat girl.
And yes some kids and adults do put weight on easier. I was fed the same as my siblings and I was the oldest, they were all skinny I was always plump. We played and ran around together. Some kids simply need less food than other kids.

In fairness to clothes manufacturers, they are there to make money. If most kids are fatter, they have to make clothes that will sell and this fit.

YANBU at all.

Overweight, fat and obese children have become so normalized because there is so much of it around, just like overweight, fat and obese adults, that many adults really don't 'see' it in their children. It's because they look like the numerous other overweight, fat and obese children. They are unhealthy, but so are a large percentage of other children. Plus, a lot of them are shaped just like the overweight, fat and obese parents, and to acknowledge something has to change for their children to become healthy would be to acknowledge that they do, too, and so many can't do that.

I find it appalling, and yes, i think it is child abuse to let your child become fat or obese (when there are no underlying medical issues). I think society has gone too far in not speaking up and defending unhealthy body shapes and we are seriously harming our children.

YANBU. I'm not on social media any more but I've seen it in the past. Completely humiliating for the children and not appropriate.

There does seem to be a peculiar sort of mommy (and daddy) goggles that some parents wear that can't see this problem with their kids.

I can’t believe they put photos and the results.
We have a skewed view of our bodies. I am fat. I know I am.
I allow ds pretty much anything but in moderation. He was pretty chubby as a baby. When the nurse called him that I got extremely pfb over it. He is now a very healthy weight and build as he does a lot of sport.

I agree it’s defensiveness and I completely understand why they get defensive.

If we could just accept weight as a little piece of information to help us realise if we’re eating a bit too much / not enough or not doing enough exercise, instead of seeing being fat as some sort of huge, moral failing, then I think parents wouldn’t react this way and would take some positive action.

I don’t know how to change our whole culture though.

Anything parents see as a criticism of their child translates directly into a criticism of them as parents hence the defensiveness. But, and I'll likely get flamed for this, it's time we stopped worrying about offending people and did more fat shaming.

The health of the nation depends on it and our NHS is creaking at the seams dealing with all these deluded fatties desperate for a quick pill fix rather than taking responsibility for their own health.

Takes cover behind the asbestos

Yanbu. I have one DD who is naturally a picky eater and active and on the skinny side and one who loves food and seated activities and got an overweight letter.
What is hard is the lack of support, school has pudding every day, every PTFA event involves junk food, kids bring sweets in for their birthday and masses more at the party, family all like to 'treat' the kids at the weekend, and theres not much help from gps etc for kids like her, who eat very healthy food at home but just like massive portions - the guidance is all around cutting out fizzy drinks and junk snacks, which she never eats at home. In the end it's meant that all the 'fun' food is out with other people and home is less food than she'd like and not exciting, which isn't feeling healthy either to me...

At the risk of being controversial here, I think people’s perspective of overweight or obese is completely skewed nowadays because most of the population are overweight and everyone thinks it’s normal and accept it as such. People are in denial of both how low our weight should be and how devastating the long term consequences of that can be, resulting ultimately in death. Too many times I hear ‘oh it’s only a treat whilst eating the third slice of cake that day, or ‘he doesn’t often eat crisps while he eats a packet a day plus a multitude of other high fat or sugar food. I’m a stone overweight and I know it and I would never say that’s ok because it’s not, and the same goes for my child, It’s no good denying it or arguing with it when it’s a fact

people are bigger, some can’t see it, some don’t want to see it. It makes me sad, I look around and see many overweight kids, when I was at school 20+ years ago, there was the odd overweight child, maybe one or 2 per class but now more than half seem to be overweight. Why don’t their parents see it? Because they are also overweight? they don’t want to change their life styles? They think it’s ok because lots of others are overweight too?

I have 2 dd’s, neither are overweight as such, one likes her food way too much so I have stopped buying unhealthy things. There’s no longer any snacks (after school) and if they are hungry they are offered fruit which they usually turn down.

I do think the main cause of obesity in children is the lack of exercise, kids don’t play out or cycle like we used too, they tend to come home and sit on games consoles rather than go out and play football (not all, I know some kids do play sports and keep fit). My kids can be lazy, they don’t like sport, they like iPads and staying in their rooms, it’s all too easy to let them do these things rather than putting the effort in to do something active with them.

Then and now

pagan The problem is fat shaming does not help people to lose weight.

It is funny that schools run these studies to check which child is obese, when they make them sit for hours and that makes them fat!

My son was deemed Overweight in one of these letters. He was so skinny that you could see every bit of his spine and ribs (he ate normally has ways just been naturally thin). I'm not deluded in any way. He was a scrawny little thing I thought they'd maybe sent the letter to the wrong parent.

See that's the thing, I've been struggling with my weight since I was 18. I've been fat for ten years and I'm trying to lose 3 stone. I don't want that for my children.

I really hope I'd be moved to action rather than to post angrily on Facebook if I received a letter like that.

I think when they're very young it is completely normal for them to have a little chub, DD is 4 and is near the top of the healthy weight range, she has a cute little belly and chubby cheeks. DS was the same and stretched out in proportion and is now near the bottom of the healthy range, at 8yo.

He gets comments at school about being skinny and asks if he's healthy, because the boys in his class say his arms are like twigs

I do think we've lost perspective as a society.

Fat shaming leads to a vicious cycle of binge eating i think so its not effective. Also its just generally nasty.

I actually buy my DD some clothes and think I am glad she’s not overweight at all or she would never fit in them!!!

H&M especially I find the jeans very skinny for young girls - which suits us as my DD is skinny.

They do need taken in at waist but the legs are skinny. And she was 19th percentile in Reception and probably less now as she’s got taller.

Although I find some boys clothers larger. My DS needs 3-4 for length now but they fall off him. I would say he’s probably right back in the middle for weight for his height

Fat shaming is not nice. However accepting fat as normal is even worse. People need to know being so overweight and obese is not OK and healthy and we shouldn't be normalizing it.

So should we just nod and say there there never mind. Perhaps stating the bleeding obvious would make a difference - where is the evidence that it doesn't? Perhaps if there was a cultural shift into considering self inflicted obesity as big a sin as drink driving, smoking then there might be a shift into trying to lose weight.

The health of the nation depends on it

I don't think it does. Fat-shaming is not generally seen as an effective ant-obesity strategy.

In response to the OP, it's also influenced by the fact that being overweight is so normal now. So parents of a chubby child think they are healthy and normal because that's what most children look like.

YANBU

Some great points made on this thread.