Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

In laws will not come to 1 year olds birthday without giant dog

117 replies

Leggs11xo · 12/06/2018 08:34

Firsy bit of back story my in-laws and I do not get on great for alot of reasons, when DD was first Born MIL came round and complelty rearranged my house calling it disgusting and FIL is very agressive and seems to fall out with everyonealot. Basically the bring alot of drama having said that we have never actually fallen out as I try and keep the peace.

So I am doing a low key first birthday for DD just family mainly. I obviously invited everyone including the in laws. They replied saying they would have to bring their dog, I love dogs but this dog is not child friendly he is very large ( just smaller than a great Dane ) and when we introduced him to the baby ( only in the same room together with him on a lead) he did not respond well. He is a lurcher type dog and so has a strong hunting instinct. I do not at all feel comfortable having him around my daughter. Beside they fact it's a birthday party and our house isn't massive I would prefer if people didn't bring their pets!

They are now saying they have will not come without the dog and how unreasonable we are not letting them bring him. I feel like this is just an excuse to cause trouble again.

OP posts:

Lovemusic33 · 12/06/2018 10:54

I would just say ‘sorry but I don’t want a huge dog in my house during a party, there will be small children attending and not everyone will appreciate a large dog being in the house’ ,if they can’t find someone to look after the dog then they can’t come.

I don’t understand why people don’t consider these things when having pets, I have a dog but she’s happy to be alone at home and I get someone to pop in to dp heck on her at lunch time, sometimes I leave the back door open so she can use the garden and just ask the neighbours to keep an eye on her. I don’t understand people having to take their dog everywhere with them, I think it’s rude to take your dog into other peoples houses, even more so if they are not dog owners themselves.

Hushnownobodycares · 12/06/2018 10:56

They're manufacturing drama just as they always have.

Don't be drawn into their fantasy soap. Just state (preferably have dh state) how things will be in your own house and that the choice is theirs then walk away.

Original poster

Leggs11xo · 12/06/2018 11:06

Sorry to hear that gryffen. Her rights ! That's ridiculous she's your child you choose who is best for her to interact with! What a horrible thing to do !

OP posts:

callmeadoctor · 12/06/2018 11:11

Leave it for your DH to tell them no, BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT THE DOG THERE!!!!!!!

bonnyshide · 12/06/2018 11:19

Your PIL are bonkers...who brings pets to a child's birthday party?

Let them stay home with their dog, or if they come along and sulk the entire time just breezily and cheerfully enjoy your day completely unaffected by them (showing them their childish behaviour doesn't affect you).

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 12/06/2018 11:20

If you don't like them, are you that bothered if they don't come? 1-year old won't remember! Just say 'That's a shame, see you another time then.'

Sashkin · 12/06/2018 11:24

They didn’t buy their granddaughter a Christmas present on her first Christmas? That is really dreadful. I wouldn’t have invited them after something like that. Shows exactly how much they think of her.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/06/2018 11:29

Your PIL are bonkers...who brings pets to a child’s birthday party?

This happened with us at dds 1st birthday. Without consulting us. They only lived an hour away so far from essential. We had lots of little kids all crawling around. Their dog doesn’t get on with other dogs so needed to be kept apart from our placid dog. Fucking nasty thing had to go everywhere with brother and his wife, I imagine, just to prove a point it is as important as a child. You’re right, bonkers. They screamed at us when we refused to host their dog anymore after it bit dd on the face.

PlumsGalore · 12/06/2018 11:31

I wouldn't lose any sleep, treat them as they treat you. DH told his mother she couldn't stay with us when she moved house and was homeless for two days unless she found someone to have her dog. We had three cats at the time and the dog is annoying, yappy and sniffs you constantly

She stayed with a different dog friendly friend. Job sorted.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/06/2018 11:31

I missed the not getting present bit. Stop stressing. Get your dh to tell them it’s fine, they have chosen to stay at home with their dog and you will all have a great time at dds party.

Rafflesway · 12/06/2018 11:46

"Such a shame but ok then."

Then go NC!

They didn't buy your dd a Christmas present. 😱. Sorry that would be a massive deal breaker for me. Not the fact there was no present - wouldn't really give a fig about that - but the underlying message behind it. Sorry Leggs but they don't like you and they don't like your dd. 😡
Your DP can visit on his own but I wouldn't want my child anywhere near these toxic creatures.

Motoko · 12/06/2018 12:17

There doesn't seem to be any reason for them to come, if they ignore you, and don't bother with their grandchild. Just stop inviting them, and don't try to force a relationship between them and your daughter. She'll be better off without them in her life.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 12/06/2018 12:27

If she does have the nerve to show up hand her a party bag to take home for ddog!!
Doggy treats in it obviously not cake!!
Show her it's not the ddog you object to - just her entitled fuckwitism!!

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/06/2018 12:29

How far away do they live btw?

Original poster

Leggs11xo · 12/06/2018 12:35

They live an hour away so not so far. We don't ask anything of them they rarely come and visit they only have one grandchild. Although I don't like them because I think they behave badly towards me not letting them bring their dog isn't actually personal. I just want to enjoy my daughter's birthday party ! Why can't they just be normal turn up with a present have some tea and cake and go home that's all I ask!

OP posts:

Lovemusic33 · 12/06/2018 12:53

If they only live an hour away I don’t see why they have to bring the dog, I can leave mine for 5+ hours and she’s fine (though she’s getting old and sleeps most of the day), I wouldn’t take her to a party, I might leave early to get home to feed her but would still make the effort to come minus the dog.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/06/2018 13:17

So exactly the same sort of distance as my example with my dd, who was bitten. When we visited the dog owners before the biting distance, we always left our dog at home. Why would we even need to take him with us? Your pils are just using the dog as another way of creating drama to dominate you, your dog and illustrate how unreasonable you are. I cannot get my head round people like this. An adult dog can easily stay at home for 5 hours. 3 hours at the party, 2 hours travelling.

Juells · 12/06/2018 14:49

I wonder if it could be a sneaky way of getting out of coming to the bday party, while making you and DP the bad ones? Some people play power games all the time.

AtreidesFreeWoman · 12/06/2018 15:04

Some dog owners have no concept about how others feel about their dog.

I will never have a dog in my house (allergies and frankly I'm not a fan anyway). I don't care how lovely/gentle it is (to me it's a smelly slobbery hair shedding entity that will leave me with heath issues for weeks after contact).

That said I'm not sure this IS about the dog. It sounds more like asserting controlling behaviour.

I'd disengage if I were you and let your DH deal with them. Come without the dog or not - those are the choices.

If they come and ignore you then the repercussions are they don't get invited again until they apologise.

Seriously - set the boundaries now or you'll spend years dealing with crap like this and life's too short.

Trinity66 · 12/06/2018 15:25

Why would anyone bring their dog when visiting someone elses house? Do people really do that?

moonoflove · 12/06/2018 15:36

Aren't some people bloody hard work. Who in their right mind would want to bring a dog to a child's party. Get your DH to sort it, and not to mince words. Thick skinned people like your inlaws only understand plain speaking. "No you can't bring the dog".....simple.

KurriKurri · 12/06/2018 15:39

If they live an hour away they can come stay for an hour and then go home - dog can be on his own for 3 hours. What do they do if they want to go out for a meal, or go to a film or whatever - they don't take the dog with them then presumably.
You are right - they are just trying to be awkward. and the answer is 'sorry it's a baby's birthday party, we're not inviting dogs'. Their choice come without dog or don't come.

(And like PPs I am a big dog lover - I think my dog is wonderful, but I don't take him to parties - he'd just scoff all the cake )

user1457017537 · 12/06/2018 15:51

I would also tell them not to bring it anywhere near your DD in future as well. Your daughters safety is paramount and it doesn’t sound like she is safe to be anywhere near this dog.

BlueEyedBengal · 12/06/2018 15:53

Stick to your guns don't allow a strange untrusted dog anyway near your home. Your dog is part of that home so they can't use the dog as an excuse to bring theirs. And. If they don't turn up to see their g c then they don't deserve to be there. Have a great time.

cadburyegg · 12/06/2018 15:56

YANBU I don't understand why some people think they have the right to bring their dogs everywhere they go. I used to be friends with someone who couldn't control her dog, to the extent where it ran out in front of traffic more than once! She was surprised when I told her she couldn't bring it to our house when we had house rabbits

Flip

1 2 3 4 5