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Original poster

In laws will not come to 1 year olds birthday without giant dog

117 replies

Leggs11xo · 12/06/2018 08:34

Firsy bit of back story my in-laws and I do not get on great for alot of reasons, when DD was first Born MIL came round and complelty rearranged my house calling it disgusting and FIL is very agressive and seems to fall out with everyonealot. Basically the bring alot of drama having said that we have never actually fallen out as I try and keep the peace.

So I am doing a low key first birthday for DD just family mainly. I obviously invited everyone including the in laws. They replied saying they would have to bring their dog, I love dogs but this dog is not child friendly he is very large ( just smaller than a great Dane ) and when we introduced him to the baby ( only in the same room together with him on a lead) he did not respond well. He is a lurcher type dog and so has a strong hunting instinct. I do not at all feel comfortable having him around my daughter. Beside they fact it's a birthday party and our house isn't massive I would prefer if people didn't bring their pets!

They are now saying they have will not come without the dog and how unreasonable we are not letting them bring him. I feel like this is just an excuse to cause trouble again.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 12/06/2018 09:45

Ugh. I did this for the sake of family relations. We are now nc with the dog owners. When my dd was a few months older than yours, she was bitten on the face for the privilege - luckily only a very small scar. I didn’t follow my better judgement. Just don’t allow them to come.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/06/2018 09:48

Ps with my dd it was the same deal. We had a dog, who was the softest, most wonderful and lovely thing at the time. Very safe. Owners, who cannot understand the difference between different dogs and personalities don’t have the first clue about dog behaviour and socialisation. They are the worse kind of owners, attributing human emotions and understanding to animals.

WizardOfToss · 12/06/2018 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caribou58 · 12/06/2018 09:51

They're being entirely unreasonable. I don't believe they never go out and leave the dog. We have a big dog - she gets left for several hours occasionally if we go out together, goes to doggy daycare if we want to be out longer and goes for holidays at the kennels if we are away for a night or longer.

There are always options.

blackteasplease · 12/06/2018 09:53

I agree. Just say cheerfully "oh well, sorry we won't see you, but we'll get together another time when your able to arrange something for the dog".

Or similar.

Absolute key here is having dh on board and able to tell his parents firmly how it will be.

GabsAlot · 12/06/2018 10:00

not the same thing just because you have a dog doesnt mean their dog is welcome

dont even offer money for dog sitting its not your problem

ravenmum · 12/06/2018 10:01

Your dog being there is another reason for them not to bring theirs, surely? The party would be hijacked by two dogs getting overexcited.

BedtimeTea · 12/06/2018 10:05

"We will miss you being there, hope you change your mind."

Inertia · 12/06/2018 10:08

Their choice- don't pander to emotional dog. If they value their dog's feelings over their grandchild's safety then those are the consequences.

If they are aggressive it'd be a better party without them anyway.

cees · 12/06/2018 10:14

You say you keep the peace, they ignore you in your own home, don't bother with your little one and give you ultimatum about their dog.

There is no peace to keep, you cannot force them to care for their grandchild, the love is there or it isn't, because they do sound awful, I wouldn't try to hard with them, they don't respect you and your lo seeing that is more worrying.

Juells · 12/06/2018 10:14

Great advice from a pp, texting back saying "Sorry you're not going to be able to come". Put the responsibility firmly back with them, and every time they try to shift it to you drop it back in their laps. "Yes, it's a pity you don't feel able to come without the dog". Repeat as necessary.

EssentialHummus · 12/06/2018 10:17

And be prepared for them to tell their friends that they weren’t invited. 🙄

ArcheryAnnie · 12/06/2018 10:23

Why isn't your DH telling them to stay at home, rather than leaving it to you?

Octopeppa · 12/06/2018 10:23

It's just a dog. They are using it to try to stir up trouble, as they have declined your DH's sensible offer. "See you another time then" is the right response.

ArcheryAnnie · 12/06/2018 10:25

Ah, sorry, just seen that your DH is taking them on, which is great. A united front!

Tambien · 12/06/2018 10:29

Well if they do come and don’t speak with you, at least you wont have to make any conversation with them whilst trying to keep things calm and civilised.

I think you need to have a chat with your DP about the dog altogether. Are you happy go and see them with the dog around? What if, as one posters proposed, you go out for a walk wth the dog etc...

I suspect you need very strict boundaries about that dog to put in place NOW, in planning of any future ‘occasion’. Iyswim

WhoWants2Know · 12/06/2018 10:32

Skype them for the part where you sing Happy Birthday, and consider your job done.

elephantscanring · 12/06/2018 10:36

The problem I have now is if they do decide to come they will spend the whole time not speaking to me! Thats what happened last time they visited 6 months ago they just sat their ignoring me !!

So if they do that at the party then you need to call them on it. 'Why are you ignoring me, MIL? It's very rude. If you carry on behaving like this we won't invite you here again.'

And make sure dh is on board too.

They sound lovely :(

Deshasafraisy · 12/06/2018 10:38

I agree with everyone else, I would stick by my guns and tell them I’m sorry to hear they won’t be coming. In fact, I would get my dh to do it and have nothing to do with any of it.

crispysausagerolls · 12/06/2018 10:39

You having a dog is irrelevant - he is YOUR dog, he lives there (therefore has to attend) and is presumably after a year very used to your DC and visa versa.

Even if you had a tiger living at home, it still doesn't give them the right to dictate to you and then emotionally blackmail you by saying they won't attend. I have a beautiful little dog and I would never dream of taking him to someone's house, or asking if I could. Why would I? Dogs are not children, you are able to leave them alone when need be. Your husband's offer of paying for doggy daycare was more than generous. Say no, and if they come without and ignore you I suggest you embarrass them in front of guests by speaking to them directly and calling them out on their manners. They can then leave - I wouldn't allow PIL to ignore me in my own home.

MaryandMichael · 12/06/2018 10:42

Just what everyone else says, take no more nonsense from these jokers. See their giant dog as a wonderful opportunity to deny them access to your home for the next 20 years, thus bringing peace and harmony into your life.

Piffle11 · 12/06/2018 10:45

Stick to your guns and don't let them bring the dog - if you cave, I guarantee they will see it as a reason to never do as you ask in the future. You've said no dog, they have said in that case they won't come. Take them at their word - it is not your problem to resolve, it's theirs.

Magicstar1 · 12/06/2018 10:47

Either say to them "That's a shame, we'll see you another time", or if they come and ignore you, just have a good time anyway without them. Let your DH deal with them.
My inlaws have a big dog, lovely and friendly etc. We got a cat and I told them that the dog was not allowed in our house, as it was the cat's home and I didn't want her feeling in danger. They had to accept this.

Uyulala · 12/06/2018 10:48

"You can come. The dog can't. Choose - your granddaughter's birthday or your dog. What you choose in all on you."

gryffen · 12/06/2018 10:53

Child safety first.

No dogs (if that includes PIL then say so!)

My PIL can be toxic too and I told them straight to face if your toxic to me you have no future with my children - MIL said she went to lawyer to see about her rights- she has jack shit in Scotland and I'm aware of it.

Just tell them no and due to their previous behaviour they aren't welcome either.