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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my hubby should not discuss our sex life with his colleagues?

83 replies

sparklydust · 09/06/2018 20:50

Just that really. For the record we have a good sex life and non of the 'comments' were bad in nature but I still feel they were far to explicit/private to share etc....

I've already had 'issues' with this colleague, he's not the best 'role model' but I've stuck with it as I know my hubby likes him and my job entails looking out for people such as this however it's getting beyond the joke now IMO and my DH is very easing led astray Hmm

So am I BU?

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklydust · 09/06/2018 20:50

*easily

OP posts:
Absofrigginlootly · 09/06/2018 20:53

No YANBU. It comes down to trust. You should be able to trust the person you are intimate with unconditionally.
If he knows it bothers you he should keep it to himself.

Your DH is easily led astray.... is he 14??

Original poster
sparklydust · 09/06/2018 20:54

No he's almost 30 Blushthanks for your response, I thought I was just being touchy Blush

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 09/06/2018 20:57

Wtf? Why is he doing that and why on earth did he tell you? No. Not normal at all. Very weird.

Sounds like he’s bragging and that’s gross.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 09/06/2018 20:57

Really? You don't chat with your friends about it?? There is no such thing as good role models at this age Hmm

Aw12345 · 09/06/2018 20:59

YANBU. That is weird. I wouldn't be happy with it either...

MrsCD67 · 09/06/2018 21:00

Do you talk to your friends about it?

RedSkyAtNight · 09/06/2018 21:00

So it was 1 colleague, who your husband considers to be a friend?

I discuss my sex life with friends, I would have no issue with DH doing the same.

Original poster
sparklydust · 09/06/2018 21:00

Anne.... he didn't tell me. His colleague let it slip in front of me.

Marriedwith.... no, I don't discuss our sex life in front of my friends Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklydust · 09/06/2018 21:01

Redsky.... it was not just sex that was discussed, it was down to the lash detail Blush I just find that far to personal....

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 09/06/2018 21:02

Colleague brought it up? Bit of a shit-stirrer isn't he?

Kittykat93 · 09/06/2018 21:02

I genuinely don't understand it when people discuss their sex lives with their friends. Unless it's a funny story or something but even then I don't like to be explicit about my partner.

And I don't particularly want to hear about others sex lives either !

YANBU

Original poster
sparklydust · 09/06/2018 21:03

Tallwiv.... that's only half of it Blush

OP posts:
NewYearNewMe18 · 09/06/2018 21:05

You don't chat with your friends about it?? I certainly don't discuss any aspect of my sex with anyone other than my DH, certainly not my social circle.

LemonysSnicket · 09/06/2018 21:05

I discuss my sex life with friends, less so colleagues, although they sometimes intersect. I think if you've told him you don't like it then YANBU

number1wang · 09/06/2018 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Absofrigginlootly · 09/06/2018 21:09

It doesn’t matter if some people are happy to lay every tiny aspect of their private lives bare - clearly some people have no boundaries whatsoever (just look at embarrassing bodies!) the OP is bothered and so her DH, her intimate life partner should be respectful of her feelings around privacy.

wowbutter · 09/06/2018 21:12

I discuss my sex life with my two best friends, and I make some jokes with other friends. But no, this isn't okay.

marjorie25 · 09/06/2018 21:20

RedSkyAtNight
I have men friends who I ask questions about sex and vice versa.
It's call maturity.

For what it's worth men and women see sex differently.

Duck90 · 09/06/2018 21:21

If you are at a stage of vetting if some is “a good influence” on your partner, then it is not a good sign. He isn’t a child, but acts like one. You don’t need to live like that.

CaledonianQueen · 09/06/2018 21:26

I would find this so disrespectful! My DH made the mistake of doing this when we were younger, I found out at his bosses wedding when one of his workmates asked me if it was true that dh had ‘popped my cherry’ as well as some other charming comments!

DH was told in very strong words that if he ever bragged about our sex life at work again it would be over. He cringes about it now! He was young and daft (not that this was an excuse) at the time but your DH doesn’t even have that excuse!

I hope that you give him hell, it is utterly humiliating and degrading! What happens between you and your dh in bed should be completely private. In a way, it is like being secretly filmed/ photographed and then sharing it with others! It is a complete betrayal of your trust! Your DH owes you a massive apology! (Mine still apologises today when it has come up in private conversation)

Honeyroar · 09/06/2018 21:27

Does your husband know that this colleague has dropped what your husband said into a conversation? That he didn't keep it discreetly to himself and he (both husband and colleague) have made you feel bad?? Surely this is all you need to prove your point that this guy can't be trusted and shouldn't be told private information. Even the most stupid husband should be able to work out he fucked up and change his ways. Personally if one of my friends did this to my husband I'd be so angry at them and I'd not think of them as such a good friend anymore, I certainly wouldn't trust them.

VladmirsPoutine · 09/06/2018 21:27

Why do you come across as though you are parenting your husband. The reference to his colleague not being a good 'role model', referring to him as 'hubby' and suggesting he's amenable to being 'led astray'. It all just sounds wrong, cutesy and rather like a damp blanket.

Poptart4 · 09/06/2018 21:28

It doesn't matter if some people like to discuss their sex life with others the op does not.

Have you made it clear to your husband that you don't want him to do this. Also if his friend told you what your dp told him that's creepy and hugely disrespectful. Does he take some sick pleasure in embarrassing you or making you feel uncomfortable?

You need to have a serious conversation with your husband.

nomoremrsniceguy · 09/06/2018 21:28

YANBU. He is disrespectful by doing this.

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