To think my hubby should not discuss our sex life with his colleagues?

[sparklydust]

Just that really. For the record we have a good sex life and non of the 'comments' were bad in nature but I still feel they were far to explicit/private to share etc....

I've already had 'issues' with this colleague, he's not the best 'role model' but I've stuck with it as I know my hubby likes him and my job entails looking out for people such as this however it's getting beyond the joke now IMO and my DH is very easing led astray

So am I BU?

Thanks all for your advice and comments

Vladmirspoutine if I came across as that then I have come across wrong. I am extremely easy going (didn't used to be when I was a lot younger!). I am very mellow and don't have an issue with many things but this seemed too intrusive IMO.

PP's - his colleague took great pleasure in telling me, found it hilarious and made jokes about how I do this and that. I have now got the nickname 'titty wan**r' which is not good considering the job I am currently doing (don't want to abbreviate on this but let's just say, it's not appropriate for someone to go spitting around )

A couples sex life is private and should not be discussed by either party to anyone other than to each other.

I remember many years ago when my Dh and I had our first child sleep deprived and me being to tired for sex my Dh actually told his mum who in turn told me that a man needs sex.

I turned round and said a man needs a lot of things but he doesn’t always get what he wants.

I was bloody raging at him and said you don’t discuss our sex life with anyone that’s the golden rule and it’s bloody disrespectful, he got the message.

Also, it's not really going to enhance your feelings of desire for him, knowing what you're doing will be shared with all and sundry. Which no doubt he won't be pleased about. Dickhead.

I’d be devastated and furious in equal measure. Our sex life is private, it’s ours. Nobody else’s business, neither of us would discuss it.

eggsandwich his Mum???

You must be really mellow... I would have gone bat shit crazy if a colleague of my husband talked to me like that and I would have kicked the ex out for far less than that.

... in fact I did, I could never trust my exh again after much less disrespectful things than that.

sparkly Your recent follow-up post about the way that your DH's colleague spoke to you is disgusting and I am FUMING on your behalf! What did your DH say about this?! If one of DH's colleagues spoke to me like that I would be livid and tbh I would expect that DH would not continue a friendship with this person because that is a disgusting and entirely disrespectful and inappropriate thing to say to someone!

Your update is awful - you poor thing. If my husband had done something that resulted in an obnoxious twat at work calling me things like that I'd bloody kick him out until he got the bloke to apologise and shut up. And I'd be putting a grievance in against the colleague. You poor thing!

YANBU at all. Your 'D' H is being titally disrespectful of you and what should be your 'private' lives. It's kind of irrelevant that the person he told is a bit of a twat, your DH shouldn't have been telling him or anybody!

Having said, what the colleague said to you is disgusting and your H should be furious with him for being so disrespectful to you - is he?

I think I would put him on a sex ban (yes I know sex is not just for the benefit of men, however is the OP feeling like jumping on him at the moment?!) until he matures enough to understand that his marriage is more important than titillating a manipulative sleazebag colleague.

Undermining you professionally if you have collegues in common or in a parallel work place is damaging. You should tell your DH in no uncertain terms that whether that is what he set out to do or not it IS what has happened. If he asks for a particular ‘favour’ of any description reply that you would have previously obliged but you can’t be certain it’s a private activity any longer. If he was any kind of decent chap he would be finding “ Dave/ Colin / Fred “ and tell him if he doesn’t stop with the name calling / nickname you will be seeking redress with HR ( if you do share a workplace. ) If he refuses to keep your business private remind him it’s two way street and you are sure others will be surprised to find out all the intimate secrets of your DH, and won’t DH be thrilled when you promise to air his activities into a convo. with his “ it’s all banter” mate and see how he likes it ! Tell him you hope his moment of being the cool kid was worth besmirching your workplace reputation. Point out if you can no longer rely on him to behave in a decent manner why should he be the beneficiary of your inate good manners, politeness and observance of social mores.

@BadTasteFlump is that a Freudian slip in your post ? titally disrespectful

Ha! Yes it must be - sorry - does that mean it's a real word if autocorrect ignored it?

I have men friends who I ask questions about sex and vice versa.

Bully for you.

It's call maturity.

No. It isn't.

For what it's worth men and women see sex differently.

Thanks captain obvious, in other news, fire hot and water wet.

If you’re both happy to discuss sex lives with others then fine. If not, it should stay private.

My H and I have always agreed that our sex life is something private between the two of us. If he ever started sharing intimate details with workmates, I would find it very difficult to move beyond that breach of trust and relax with him again.

OP, your husband has told his workmates some very personal details, and undermined you professionally. You are certainly not being touchy to be angry about this.

Thank you all so much, glad to know I'm not alone in my feelings. I'm just so annoyed I don't want to be but I really am. Plus his 'friend' is a douche at the best of times so he's just given him more ammunition now

What does your DH think about what his friend has been saying? Is he angry with him, or does he think it's funny?

I had a friend who used to always tell me about his sex life. Reminds me of those who post loads of selfies with their kids on Facebook but rarely spend quality time with them- compensating for something.

I don't talk about my sex life with friends unless I simply say it's good or we sleep together every x (time frame) other than that, I don't feel the need. I don't mind if friends do though.

God I have never met anyone adult married or in LTR that discusses their sex life with anyone. Utterly weird disrespectful and inappropriate. Ewww.

What his friend said to you was degrading and grossly disrespectful. I'm so annoyed for you!

Does your husband know he spoke to you like this? And if he does what is he going to do about it?

I'd have my husband sleeping on the sofa for a few days until he sorted his 'mate' out. How dare the both of them treat you like this.

They'll thinking he's not getting any.
Empty vessels and all that or that he's a loon. There are some things you just don't talk about.

So what has DH said in response to you telling him what friend said?

I've already had 'issues' with this colleague, he's not the best 'role model'
Why does your adult husband a role model?

but I've stuck with it as I know my hubby likes him why do you have to be friends with DH's friend?

and my job entails looking out for people such as this
Your dh or his mate? You're job entails looking out for idiots??

my DH is very easing led astray
He sounds like a silly teenage boy caught smoking by his mum. Not a adult male humiliating his wife by talking about the tit wnk he got from her.

So you normally enable his immaturity?

I don't think it's right to discuss it with others unless you both want to (and the 'others' are interested!)

I think this kind of sharing happens more often than is realised, especially when drunkenness comes into it. Men would be similarly upset if they knew what detailed personal info was shared about them. If you must then do it in social circles that are totally separate/mutually exclusive.

Personally, if you're in a happy relationship then don't share any personal details with others. If you share then you don't deserve to be in that relationship.

Omg are you married to Lester Nygarrd?

Remember how everyone feel sorry for that fucker and then he mudered his wife?

@sparklydust I would be furious if my husband did this. The fact he knows you don't want him to do this shows that he doesn't seem to respect you very much.

This other guy sounds a total twat.

Your husband has let you down by exposing you to his colleague letting on that he told was told private things.