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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my hubby should not discuss our sex life with his colleagues?

83 replies

sparklydust · 09/06/2018 20:50

Just that really. For the record we have a good sex life and non of the 'comments' were bad in nature but I still feel they were far to explicit/private to share etc....

I've already had 'issues' with this colleague, he's not the best 'role model' but I've stuck with it as I know my hubby likes him and my job entails looking out for people such as this however it's getting beyond the joke now IMO and my DH is very easing led astray Hmm

So am I BU?

OP posts:
pallisers · 10/06/2018 01:16

PP's - his colleague took great pleasure in telling me, found it hilarious and made jokes about how I do this and that. I have now got the nickname 'titty wanr' blush which is not good considering the job I am currently doing (don't want to abbreviate on this but let's just say, it's not appropriate for someone to go spitting around blush)

I would never knowingly be in the presence of this man again.

I would tell your husband that since you don't like the details of your sex life told to others, and he seems incapable of keeping his mouth shut, sex is over.

Your dh sounds awful - sounds like he was boasting about his sex life with his wife to big himself up. Who wants to be married to that? Like being married to a 15 year old who will never grow up (actually apologies to 15 year olds).

The colleague/friend is beyond awful (i think he said those things to you to get a sexual rise and tell you he had an upper hand on you in a sexual way - but I may be wrong).

This is not a good situation to be in.

I have very close friends. If there was a particular sexual problem maybe we would share/ask. But no, we don't tell details just for the hell of it. Yuck.

Original poster
sparklydust · 10/06/2018 10:20

Thanks again for all of your responses. For those who asked did he hear/what did he say.... he laughed at first but then afterwards apologised and promised he wouldn't do it again. He said it's just builders for you Hmm he's just started this new job and ever since has become almost moulded by this other fella whom, in the nicest possible way, does seem to have little respect for women.

That's why I've used phrases such as 'led astray'. It's not that I'm mothering him, it's just a truth. He's an amazing DH but put him in a crowd with other people and unfortunately he does literally pick up on their way of talk/life etc.... He certainly doesn't realise he does it that's for sure. Its very strange Confused

OP posts:
annandale · 10/06/2018 10:29

I would tell him he needs to man up. 'I couldn't help joining in?' No wonder you talk about him like he's a wet 12 year old, that's because he behaves like one. He could start by thinking back to what the others actually shared in the conversation, and then comparing that to the state of their relationships. He will almost certainly find that quite a few of those 'joining in' actually shared nothing at all. It's not rocket science.

This colleague sounds like an abuser who enjoys power.

Poptart4 · 10/06/2018 10:40

He laughed when his mate spoke to you in such a degrading way?!

Op an amazing husband wouldnt do that.

Absofrigginlootly · 10/06/2018 11:45

OP your DH sounds a bit thick for want of a better word. Does he have a difficult or absent relationship with his father by any chance? Or is his father a misogynistic pig?

He sounds very desperate for male approval.

Honestly he does not sound “amazing”

I would genuinely struggle to ever sleep with my DH again if he did this. It would be such a breach of trust for me sharing intimate details like that for his mates approval. I would find it hard to trust and respect him tbh

BlancheM · 10/06/2018 11:47

That would make me sick OP. Yanbu.
Talking about sex with others is only ever juvenile and attention seeking. He is looking for approval from his pathetic work mate by disrespecting you.

Alwayscommuting · 10/06/2018 11:50

I kind of see where this has come from. My DH works in an industry that is predominantly male and they do discuss things like that. However it is something that should be discussed between the 2 of you and if you've said you'd rather he didn't then he should respect that.

ohfourfoxache · 10/06/2018 12:01

Your husband is an immature wankbadger.

I would have a serious think about whether or not I wanted to be with him tbh.

At the very least, pop along to Ann Summers (other brands are available Wink ) and stop sleeping with him. No sex = no details to blab about

diddl · 10/06/2018 13:05

"He certainly doesn't realise he does it that's for sure."

He must do-he's trying to fit in, but to the extent of divulging details of your sex life?

It obviously didn't bother him to do so, or he wouldn't have done it.

We all have a line that we don't/won't cross simply for the sake of being " one of the boys".

pinkyredrose · 10/06/2018 13:28

He laughed!!?? His first instinct was to laugh at you for being upset at his colleague ridiculing and taunting you about your sex life? If you weren't sure you were married to an immature tosser now you know for sure.

pinkyredrose · 10/06/2018 13:29

Please stop blaming the colleague for 'leading him astray', he's a grown man capable of deciding what he says and to whom.

tenaciousD · 10/06/2018 13:51

Yet you feel happy to come on to MN and talk about your sex life and your husband.

What's the difference? The anonymity?

whiteonred · 10/06/2018 13:56

YANBU. But then I don't like it when women feel that it is ok to share personal things about their DH/partners (including sex, but other stuff too) that their OH clearly would not like being shared.

pinkyredrose · 10/06/2018 14:15

Ffs tenacious what a ridiculous comment!

HeebieJeebies456 · 10/06/2018 14:17

He's an amazing DH but put him in a crowd with other people and unfortunately he does literally pick up on their way of talk/life etc.... He certainly doesn't realise he does it that's for sure

Bullshit.
He's NOT amazing -he chooses to openly disrespect you by telling other guys all the nitty gritty details of what you do to him sexually because he gets off on it.....and you keep giving him more Hmm

He chooses to mimic others to 'fit in' - he's obvs got insecurity issues and this is how he chooses to deal with it.

He KNOWS what he's doing - he just doesn't have any respect for you and he prefers to be selfish instead of respecting your privacy.

He also sounds like the kind of guy who would share private photos/videos of you

CristalTipps · 10/06/2018 14:22

He's an amazing DH but put him in a crowd with other people and unfortunately he does literally pick up on their way of talk/life etc

And now he's being moulded socially by a misogynist. You need to make him aware what's going on. Better to have an awkward conversation than end up disliking the person you're married to.

Tiddlywinks63 · 10/06/2018 14:24

'He's an amazing DH .....' 😳
Really?
I would be incandescent if it was my DH. His 'friend' is probably blabbing off to all and sundry about your sex life and everyone's having a good laugh, very much at your expense.
DH clearly has no respect for you whatsoever.

bopeepsheep · 10/06/2018 15:19

I once overheard a conversation that sounds a bit like the one you describe

Man 'I've heard you're a game girl ha ha ha'
'What'
'You're old man said you give him a blowie while he's watchin the game and even wear team colours'
'He would say that wouldn't he, he wishes, the old drunk can't even get it up anymore, I have to sort myself out these days' woman weeping with laughter

Grin
PamsterWheel · 10/06/2018 16:11

Er, I think the more important issue here is your husband. Really, what decent man goes around telling his mate that you gave him a tit wank?

Disgusting

PamsterWheel · 10/06/2018 16:12

P.s. he's treating you like a sex object not a person

LeighaJ · 10/06/2018 16:15

That's really creepy. I would be completely fucked off if I found out my husband was discussing our sex life with co-workers or anyone really...

MargaretCavendish · 10/06/2018 16:21

That's hideous, and your 'D'H is not a nice man. He laughs at you behind your back and to your face - and while you've just found out about it, it hasn't just begun, and it's not because he's been somehow seduced by this man.

Pecano · 10/06/2018 16:29

I work with a small team of all women and we are quite close - we talk about our sex lives regularly at work!

pinkyredrose · 10/06/2018 16:50

Pecano do you discuss things you know your partners would be uncomfortable with or mock thier partners when you see them to try to deliberately embarass them?

MargaretCavendish · 10/06/2018 16:53

I think there's different types of 'talking about your sex life'. Talking with one very close friend about an issue that's concerning you (a sudden drop-off in frequency, for instance) seems to me to be both acceptable and probably quite healthy. Swapping details of particular acts is very different, and something that I might expect teenagers to do but which I think is pretty pathetic (and a pretty sad indication of the state of their relationship) in grown adults, whether men or women.

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